Issue48 求重拍，谢谢

菲子UID: 2311527

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

提纲：

1.        支持文章观点
2.        社会是由个人组成的，社会变革究其原因是来自满足大多数个人的需要。（以华盛顿领导独立战争为例）
3.        没有人民的支持，即使是很有才干的人也不能领导运动成功。（以流行歌手出碟和美国总统选举为例）
4.        应该承认，有名的政客对于社会历史发展确实是重要的因素，但是背离人民需求的运动只会导致社会的后退。（以希特勒为例）
5.        重申立场。

Although many people believe that the famous heroes decided the development of the most significant events and trends in history, I would maintain that usually it is the groups of people whose names have been forgotten impede the human history.

As a saying goes, the individual is the building block of society. Each person's need may not be significant, but when many people, the major part of the society, have the same need, the society, with the leading of some great people, is obliged to deal with it, which causes the most vital change in history. Washington, the father of America, led the Independence War into victory because that most people in the American Continent, who have suffered many years, claimed to be independent and out of the control of England.  It is the need of groups of people that causes the independence of America.
  
Without the support of the people, one who has a distinguished ability will not lead a movement toward victory. There are many competent people who hope to become famous and powerful, but only a few of them can succeed. In most instances, it is not their ability, but the lack of support from the group of people that retards their success. When most people in the country like R&B, it is imaginable that a singer who released the new album of Jazz style will probably not have a good sale. The president election in America is the most significant thing in the country. Every time, there are 2 distinguished candidates who will compete for the position of president finally. Both of them have a lot of money and elites to help them, but only one, who wins the support of most people in the country, will become the new president. The unlucky guy, who did not obtain the position, instead of lacking fortune, actually loses the support of many people. Therefore, without the support of the people, one will not succeed in leading a big event or trends.

Though the people decide the development of history, the famous politicians are also very important factors. However, if the movement is not based on the need of most people, it may develop into a disaster. Though most of the significant events in the world are raised to cater to the need of the groups of people, it is admitted there are also some horrible events raised by demagogies who mastered the skills of stirring people to be crazy. During the Second World War, Hitler, the most crucial Germany ruler, excited almost all the Germanys to expel and even kill Jews by using his mysterious demagogy methods. Apparently, killing Jews was not the need of Germanys’, they are hoaxed by Hitler. It is the canny and abnormal ruler who gave rise to the catastrophe, and retarded the development of history.

From what has been discussed above, I claim that groups of people who may be forgotten forever is the vital factor to cause the most vital events and trends in history and impede the development of history.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-5-2 03:21 编辑 ]

ghost33UID: 2267869

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

提纲：

1.        支持文章观点
2.        社会是由个人组成的，社会变革究其原因是来自满足大多数个人的需要。（以华盛顿领导独立战争为例）
3.        没有人民的支持，即使是很有才干的人也不能领导运动成功。（以流行歌手出碟和美国总统选举为例）
4.        应该承认，有名的政客对于社会历史发展确实是重要的因素，但是背离人民需求的运动只会导致社会的后退。（以希特勒为例）
5.        重申立场。

Although many people believe that the famous heroes decided the development of the most significant events and trends in history, I would maintain that usually it is the groups of people whose names have been forgotten impede（妨碍，词用错了。Foster the development of？） the human history （这个论点从你后面所讨论的来看，显得太大。因为你说的是：1、人民的需要决定社会发展。2、没有人民的支持，有能力的个人也是不可能成功的。3、历史上的名人在历史发展中也有影响。）.

As a saying goes, the individual is the building block of society. Each person's need may not be significant, but when many people, the major part of the society, have the same need, the society, with the leading of some great people, is obliged to deal with it, which causes the most vital change in history. （把语序改一下是不是更好地和第一句衔接。Thus, the people’s need will cause the most vital change in history, since the society cannot ignore the common need of his people.） Washington, the father of America, led the Independence War into victory because that most people in the American Continent, who have suffered many years, claimed to be independent and out of the control of England. （我个人认为这个例子也要换个说法，因为我读起来觉得Washington 成了这个例子的主角。When most people in the American Continent decided to claim dependence from England, a significant war was started in which the Americans who had suffered many years got out of the control of England.）It is the need of groups of people that causes the independence of America.  

Without the support of the people, one who has a distinguished ability will not lead a movement toward victory.（你的论点是比较大的历史上的movement，后面的例子感觉不够重。一个蓝调歌手的唱片销售成功似乎在整个历史上只是一件小事。同样一个总统选举成功相对于你的论点也是很小的一件事？） There are many competent people who hope to become famous and powerful, but only a few of them can succeed. In most instances, it is not their ability, but the lack of support from the group of people that retards their success. When most people in the country like R&B, it is imaginable that a singer who releases the new album of Jazz style will probably not have a good sale. The president election in America is the most significant thing in the country. Every time, there are 2 distinguished candidates who will compete for the position of president finally. Both of them have a lot of money and elites to help them, but only one, who wins the support of most people in the country, will become the new president. The unlucky guy, who did not obtain the position, instead of lacking fortune, actually loses the support of many people. Therefore, without the support of the people, one will not succeed in leading a big event or trends.

Though the people decide the development of history, the famous politicians are also very important factors. However, if the movement is not based on the need of most people, it may develop into a disaster. Though most of the significant events in the world are raised to cater to the need of the groups of people, it is admitted there are also some horrible events raised by demagogies who mastered the skills of stirring people to be crazy. During the Second World War, Hitler, the most crucial Germany ruler, excited almost all the Germanys to expel and even kill Jews by using his mysterious demagogy methods. Apparently, killing Jews was not the need of Germanys’, they are hoaxed by Hitler. It is the canny and abnormal ruler who gave rise to the catastrophe, and retarded the development of history.（这段反倒有些削弱你的论点。一个有能力鼓动他的人民的领导在主导事件的发展方向。而这些人民不过是棋子罢了？还不如不要这段，全力支持人民是最重要的这个论点？）

From what has been discussed above, I claim that groups of people who may be forgotten forever is the vital factor to cause the most vital events and trends in history and impede the development of history.
优点我就不多说了哈。不要介意。个人认为你没有把论点支持得很有力。第二论段例子力度不够，第三段对你的主论点用处不大。

[ 本帖最后由 ghost33 于 2007-4-29 12:27 编辑 ]

菲子UID: 2311527

谢谢，怎么会介意呢？:)