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In this argument, the speaker asserts(assert没有建议的意思,用在这里不合适) to raise the salary of Professor Thomas to $10,000 a year and to promote her to the position of Department Chairperson for her contribution to the university. To support his argument, the arguer notes that the professor’s classes are one of the largest at the university and her contributions in many research grants brought to the university. (that从句里怎么冒出个名词词组)However, there is insufficient evidence to prove that it is necessary to have the raise(raise有这么用的吗 in salary and the promotion on Professor Thomas as the argument stands.(as the argument stands用在这里很别扭)In the first place, the arguer bases on(relies on) the assumption that Professor Thomas is very popular among students because(of) her large classes, which is unwarranted. There is no inevitable relationship (不可避免的关系?)between the scale(size) of a teacher’s class and the quality and reflection from students of his or her teach(of his or her teach太怪了). Maybe the class is a compulsory course which is required to take by every student(by every student?), in which case the large amount of students can’t demonstrate the popularity of the teacher. There are also other possibilities that lead more students in the class, such as easily passing the examination and so on. Hence, the arguer can’t ensure the popularity of Professor Thomas solely depending on the large class he teaches. In the second place, the fact that Professor Thomas attracted research grants during the last two years tells little about her research ability. (fact叙述不到位)As the arguer has cited(怎么改现在完成时了?), Professor Thomas does have ability in bringing money to university in research grants which has no relationship with the research ability of her. Maybe she just has gifts in communicating with (persuading)investors to patronize the research, but have(has) little or limited ability in inquiry of researches( inquiry of researches 是什么东东) on her own. Thus(in that case) there is no need to raise her salary and promote her for her adequate research abilities. Additionally, the arguer oversimplifies the issue of promoting Professor Thomas to Department Chairperson. There is insufficient evidence to support the assumption that Professor Thomas has the same talent in managing or taking charge of the whole department. Granted that she has perfect teaching and research abilities, there is no guarantee that she is also suitable for the position of Department Chairperson (and be competent for it赘余). As a result, without deeper contacting with Professor Thomas, the arguer’s simply suggestion is inconvincible. (这段太单薄,中间两句机械重复)Finally, there is no information to demonstrate that other universities have given more salary and invitation to Professor Thomas, consequently the arguer’s fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college is unsubstantiated. (这段太单薄,不如删掉)In sum, the suggestion from the arguer that it is reasonable to raise the salary and give promotion to Professor Thomas lacks sufficient supports as it stands. To strength his recommendation, the arguer must provide enough evidence to prove that Professor Thomas does have good (superior)teaching and research quality and without these action(these action 没有上文,直接说事就好了) he has asserted, the professor will choose other universities. (没有什么大毛病,只是语言上要改进,攻击的力度要加强) |