作文，请各位帮忙评分、批改，谢谢~~使劲拍噢

Tony.kUID: 2181670

请各位朋友帮忙修改、评分，谢谢。:loveliness: :handshake

150.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details to explain your answer.

With the development of the modern world, television has become one of the most popular entertainments of people, including many children. It is no deny that watching television, to some extent, brings lots of children much joys. However, an increasing number of people including me realize that there are many disadvantages for children to watch television.

To begin with, it is harmful to children's health if there spend much time on television. We all know that health plays an important role in the development of all children. Every parent wishes that his child has good physic fitness and is far away from diseases. According to a recent report published on China Daily, more and more chinese children have been becoming glasses-wearers. And in the report, many experts directly pointed out that the television set, which nearly every family has one in China, is the main killer of children's eyes. In addition, they also explain that the radio wave television gives off may  damages children's body cells, if they watch television for a long time. These evidences well suggest that the health of children have been decreasing which results from watching television.

An another disadvantage I have to mention is the influence of violence in the television. There are a number of people die because of the students who are fantastic with the violence and shoot others on campus without rational thought. Take an example of the gun-shoot event in American university last month, more than 30 college students were killed in that event. What causes this pathetic event which shocked everyone all of the world? To some extent, the living condition filled with violence containing a mass of vilent videos and pictures in television cultives the murder and simulates him to do so. It is known to all the parents that their sons and daughters are in a growing course which palys an key role for their future, and everything around children could influent on their development. It is no doubt that the violence in television will excert negtive effects on construction of the conception and attitude to life of every child.

From what I have mentioned above, although watching television is a good style of recreation to many children, it is harmful to the development of both physical fitness and mental fitness of them. The television will take their sight away and hurt their minds by the violence that we have to pay more attention to. Any parents, who are blind to this point, may pay a heavy price.

希望有经验的GTER能帮忙评个分数，谢谢啦。:handshake
偶会把连接加到加分贴里的。:)

真生UID: 161074

以之前的6分标准来说, 如果考官心情超好给5.5，心情正常5分.

通常来说body部分以三段为佳,不是说两段不可以,但是三段是最prefer的形式. (这个经验我是付出代价的!)

n多单词拼错用错, 比如倒数第二段最后一句excret. 自己把这篇贴到word里看看有多少错的. 还有VT例子里是想用fanatic吧, 写成fantastic.

n多固定搭配错, 以介词为甚, of/for到底用哪个. 没有It is no doubt, 只有There is no doubt. etc

时态错, VT的那个例子再看看. 既然发生过就应该用过去时.

还有其他语法上的, 比如前后主谓一致等等.

论点还是不错的, physical/psychological.例子也很贴切. 加一段就更好了. 可惜语法错误太多, 看的很不爽.

BTW, 这篇似乎是我这次考到的题目.

[ 本帖最后由 真生 于 2007-5-17 17:06 编辑 ]

Tony.kUID: 2181670

非常感谢:)

Tony.kUID: 2181670

没有写三段是因为写了两段后发现字数已经挺多了,时间也不太够了,赶紧收尾:)
写得急,没检查,以后要改进:) :handshake