argument147 【0710G 五一互助小组】第一次作业

marolerUID: 2337404

argument147 【0710G 五一互助小组】第一次作业
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

提纲：
1 调查对象的基本情况、背景不清楚
2 没有证据显示lifelike graphic是影响销售额的最主要的因素，其他因素如价格，产品质量也有可能是重要的影响条件
3 advertising campaign是一种宣传手段，不能说明其销售额在以后的几个月中一定会有增长，并且没有考虑到其他公司可以举办相同的活动的可能性
The author of this argument claims that although with the declined trend over the past two years the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few years .To support this claim ,the author cites two facts about games :⑴ a survey is made at the video-game player which ponits out that games provided lifelike graphics are popular;⑵ several such games are introduced with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old .Close scrutiny of each facts ,however ,reveals that it lend little credible support to the claim.
  First of all ,video-game players prefer lifelike graphic games which require the most up-to-date computers.However,the author provides no evidence that surveyed game players are not actually responsible for nationwide game players,and all the computers which video-game players possess are most up-to-date..Lacking such evidences,it is equally possible that other kind of video game are more attracting than lifelike graphic ones and most game players are able to offer simple computers..  
Furthermore,the author bases her claim on the fact that the sale of video game is only associated with the lifelike graphic,which seems unlikely.As a matter of fact, the sale of video game is not determined only by one facter,but also some other aspects such as the price ,the quality of the game and so on.(Furthermore,the author relies on doublely conclusion that the lifelike graphic is responsible for the sale of video game.However,it is entirely possible that more other factors are instead responsible for the sale such as the price ,the quality of the game and so on.)If the price is too high or the quality of the game is not as good as expected,players will not choose Whirlwind’s game and the sale of video game will be declined.Moreover,the author apparently ignores immanent factors aside from explict ones.For instance,other companys are capable of exploring some games of the same or superior feature. Without ruling out these factors,this conclusion is not as convincable as it stands.
Moreover,the author fails to convince me that the advertising campaign Whirlwind introduced will work..The program directes at people 10 to 25 years old,the age-group most likely to play video game, which has no substantiation.However, the author point out no evidence that the sale of video game will definitely increase with the help of the advertising campaign.,which is a aidantly means of improving saleroom.But, other companys have the ability to hold the same advertising campaign,which video-game players have the right to choose what they favor video games. So this conclusion rests on these two unsubstantiated factors,and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
In conclusion,the author’s evidence lends little credible support to her claim.To persuade me that the sales of Whirlwind video games are reverse in the next few years compared to the sale over the past two years.The author needs to provide clear evidence that video-game players aged 10 to 25 years old prefer to play video game than other aged people ,and lifelike graphic is extremely(crucially) important factor in provide the sale of video games.Finally ,to better evaluate the author’s claim we would need more information about advertising campaign and other companys’ plan of this program.

布兜兜UID: 2253272

The author of this argument claims that although with the declined trend over the past two years the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few years .To support this claim ,the author cites two facts about games :⑴ a survey is made at the video-game player which ponits out that games provided lifelike graphics are popular;⑵ several such games are introduced with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old .Close scrutiny of each facts ,however ,reveals that it lend little credible support to the claim. （AG里可以用1，2这样的形式么？）  First of all ,video-game players prefer lifelike graphic games which require the most up-to-date computers. However, the author provides no evidence that surveyed game players are not actually responsible for nationwide game players, and all the computers which video-game players possess are most up-to-date. Lacking such evidences, it is equally possible that other kind of video game are more attracting than lifelike graphic ones and most game players are able to offer simple computers.（把两条分开说逻辑会更清晰。现在这样写有点乱，而且分析的不够深入，论证有点太跳跃了）  
Furthermore, the author bases her claim on the fact that the sale of video game is only associated with the lifelike graphic, which seems unlikely. As a matter of fact, the sale of video game is not determined only by one factor, but also some other aspects such as the price ,the quality of the game and so on. Furthermore, the author relies on double conclusion that the lifelike graphic is responsible for the sale of video game. However,it is entirely possible that more other factors are instead responsible for the sale such as the price ,the quality of the game and so on.（？重复了）If the price is too high or the quality of the game is not as good as expected, players will not choose Whirlwind’s game and the sale of video game will be declined. Moreover, the author apparently ignores immanent factors aside from explicit ones. For instance , other companies are capable of exploring some games of the same or superior feature. （感觉这是外因）Without ruling out these factors, this conclusion is not as convincible  as it stands.
Moreover, the author fails to convince me that the advertising campaign Whirlwind introduced will work. The program directs at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video game, which has no substantiation. 这句话感觉有点别扭。However,（是不是不应该用however） the author point out no evidence that the sale of video game will definitely increase with the help of the advertising campaign, which is a ardently means of improving saleroom. But, other companies have the ability to hold the same advertising campaign, which video-game players have the right to choose what they favor video games. So this conclusion rests on these two unsubstantiated factors, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands。错误找的不错，但是句子之间不太连贯，还有就是找出错误之后再多分析一下就好了。
In conclusion, the author’s evidence lends little credible support to her claim. To persuade me that the sales of Whirlwind video games are reverse in the next few years compared to the sale over the past two years. The author needs to provide clear evidence that video-game players aged 10 to 25 years old prefer to play video game than other aged people ,and lifelike graphic is extremely(crucially) important factor in provide the sale of video games. Finally ,to better evaluate the author’s claim we would need more information about advertising campaign and other companys’ plan of this program.

欢迎回拍,thanks~~ ^^

marolerUID: 2337404

非常感谢！！！