这是我的第一片作文，希望高手们帮我看一下.谢谢你们！（长期无人修改，悬赏--小楣）

han35UID: 2333063

这是我的第一片作文，希望高手们帮我看一下，给我一些建议，应该在哪方面提高，应该做些什么针对的练习。在这里先谢谢你们了。

Parents are our best teachers

It is obviously that the earliest teachers people have are their parents. We spent most of our time with our parents, that is, they would influence us deeply, know us well, what’s more they are our close friends. As a consequence I really agree that our parents are our best teachers.

First of all, till now we spent most of our time with our parents. For me, I am 16 year old and I have spent 14years with my parents.The more time we spent with them the more we could learn from them. I always follow the way that my mum deal with her work and the method my father communicate with others. I set them as my samples in some aspects and they are very glad to teach me.

Secondly, parents know us very well. They know our characters, hobbies and so on. As a consequence, in one point they may give us the most useful and direct prospects. Set Leslee as an example, due to she likes animals when she chose her major her parents asked her to consider biology, because her [parents know her very well, so their suggestion is so effective.

Finally, our parents are also our close friends, In any cases, they would like to teach us all thay know and tell us the truth. It was 3 years ago, I went shopping with my mother, I appreciated an jackect very much, and I tired on, but mum told me it is too big on me , while others said it was so perfected

From what have discus ed we may come to a conclusion that our parents are our best teachers.

如果你们没有时间修改，就看看给我些建议就好了。真的谢谢你们了！！！

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[ 本帖最后由 lintelle 于 2007-5-26 21:19 编辑 ]

chenglingfengUID: 2303037

It is obviously obvious that the earliest teachers people have are their parents. We spent most of our time with our parents, that is, they would influence us deeply, know us well, and what’s more they are our close close不是书面语改为intimate friends. As a consequence I really agree that our parents are our best teachers.

First of all, till now we spent most of our time with our parents. For me, I am 16 year old and I have spent 14years with my parents. The more time we spent with them the more we could learn from them. I always follow the way that my mum deals with her work and the method my father communicate with others. I set them as my samples in some aspects and they are very glad to teach me.展开谈，加例子，论证有些薄弱

Secondly, parents know us very well. They know our characters, hobbies and so on. As a consequence,两处用到这个短语，改为consequently in one point they may give us the most useful and direct prospects. Set Leslee as an example, due to she likes animals用得不对我把这个例子帮你重写，knowing her innate love for animals, her parents suggested she choose biology as her major to fully release her potential in study and completely combine her interest with academic performance. when she chose her major her parents asked her to consider biology, because her [parents know her very well, so their suggestion is so effective. because和so不能连用，别犯低级错误，例子还不够展开，语意表达不够明白

Finally, our parents are also our close friends, In any cases, they would like to teach us all they know and tell us the truth. It was 3 years ago, I went shopping with my mother, I appreciated an jacket very much, and I tired on, but mum told me it is too big on me , while others said it was so perfected继续写啊，到底适不适合？又没展开

From what have discus ed we may come to a conclusion that our parents are our best teachers.结尾要把每段略做总结From what have discussed we may come to a conclusion that parents are our best teachers for the reason of the time span they spend with us, the familiarity they are with us, and the intimacy as a close friends.
1首先要道歉，我不是高手，只能给你改这些，我其实跟你一样大。
2 你的许多语言太口语化了，要多积累书面语单词，多看看新概念3。
3 例子还不会展开写，最好看看范文。
4 总之，还有很大上升空间