TWE014, 感觉没有出彩之处~请指点

stevenyctUID: 2192564

6.9考，作文是弱项 还请各位看官大大多多指点

个人对这篇作文的评价是：

1. 逻辑结构不严密，这体现在写作的时候，虽然列过提纲，但还是无法一气呵成，思维经常断。
2. 某些词汇比较贫乏，比如文中我用了不下3次required。。。正在积极改进中
3. 写完这篇文章，感觉平淡无奇，没什么出彩的地方。。。无论是论证之精彩，还是语言的妙用都没有。。。
4. 由于时间有些紧，没有写一个结尾段，不知有没有影响，感觉字数应该是够了~


014.Attending university classes: required or optional

Time: 28min  Words count: 416
        
Some people thinkuniversity classes should be required for students to take, while others mayinsist them to be optional. In my opinion, it's necessary for students tofollow the instruction from teachers in the class, so required courses may be agood choice, although absolute limitation of students' freedom of choosingcourses is not recommended.
        
In the very firstplace, attending a class can provides students with lots of ideas as well asthe instruction from teachers. Collision of thoughts can ignite the sparks ofinspiration. Nowadays, we have different type of class like seminar, a bunch ofpeople sitting together to share their thoughts and ideas, not merely listeningto one person. This kind of brainstorm can certainly benefit students with somethoughts they will probably never consider without taking a class. Moreover,guidance and instruction from teachers are important in the class, becauseteachers are more experienced, they know what the difficult points are, andwhat the easy ones are. So we can save a lot of time and energy by followingthe teacher, instead of exploring a whole book all by oneself alone.
        
Additionally, froma broader perspective, the university is responsible for the students to makecertain courses required. Since one after another grade of students havegraduates from the school, the administration board must be more informativeabout what's good for the students and what's unnecessary. Considering this point,taking required classes decided by the university is far more useful for thefuture development than studying alone, for former successful examples are set already.On the contrary, if students are allowed to choose classes freely, that is tosay set the classes optional for them, a situation of dabbling at many courseswithout any concentration may occur to the students, because they don't know whatthe best is for them. Besides, when students follow what the school tells, itwould be easier for it to arrange their faculty, to put the best teacher intothe largest class in order to benefit as most student as possible.


                
Admittedly, wecannot force the students to follow every step that the university plans. Afterall, personal factors cannot be considered in the decision making about whichclasses are required for they differ from student to student. Also, universitystudents are mostly adults; they should be responsible to themselves, like makingdecisions for themselves. As a result, I think it would be better if theuniversity set some important course, according to the preceding experience, tobe required, and meanwhile, leave some freedom for the students to choosecourses fitting their interesting, in terms of setting some as optional.
        

不知大家是否和我感觉相同，欢迎留链互拍啊~~~

[ 本帖最后由 stevenyct 于 2007-5-23 08:51 编辑 ]

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

014.Attending university classes: required or optional

First, you have to get your topic right. "attending class" is to sit in classroom when the course is being offered. Seminar is not class, though it is encouraged to be there but is definitely on you. Some courses are required while some are optional, but they may all demand your presence in classroom.

Second, consider the advantage of attending class and disadvantage of self-learning, why do we need professors?

When your thought is logical, your writing will be well organized.

Suggest you rewrite.

Iam13UID: 2116357

1  楼主忘了很多空格，汗


2

原帖由 stevenyct 于 2007-5-23 08:47 发表
In my opinion, it's necessary for students tofollow the instruction from teachers in the class, so required courses may be agood choice, although absolute limitation of students' freedom of choosingcourses is not recommended.

句式太复杂了。 后面也有几个句子是这样。
不要那么多让步， 不要转折一次又一次。 我觉得这些中文里的习惯不适合英文写作/阅读。

3   第一个point很好， 可是第一句话缺少概括力， 没能代表这一段的意思。

4  第一个point在谈是否需要去上课， 而第二个point谈论的是学生自由选课or学校安排好课程。 包括后面的结尾也是在谈这个。感觉两个论证之间脱节。 好象在读两篇文章。


相信下一篇会更好:)   时间和字数都很合适

hyacinthUID: 2184492

不是说T的作文里不要出现缩写么...it's ,don't之类....= =

stevenyctUID: 2192564

谢谢大家的评论~

回2楼：缩写的问题，以前好像也听说过~~你一说才想起来。。。谢谢提醒了:loveliness:

回1楼：
1. 空格是从word直接粘贴转过来的问题。。。anyway~我会注意的

2. 这句我直接改成
in my opinion, it is necessary for university students to take required classes, although absolute limitation of them freedom to choosing courses is not recommended
还行不~
反正理由后面要说，首段表明以下观点就可以了~~对吧
句子复杂的问题。。。其实我觉得句子不是不可以复杂，而是复杂了之后也要让人能清晰地读懂，不知道我理解的对不对，呵呵:loveliness:

3. 我觉得论证第一段的开头已经蛮概括了啊。。。学生上课能思想交融，以及得到老师指点。后面的也都是围绕这个写的。。。还请版主指点:confused:

4. 第一段我是讲上课给学生带来的好处，
    第二段我其实是想说：学生应该去上学校安排的这些required，因为这些课都是被以前学生论证过的有用的课程，所以对他们也是有益的。而不是自由地选课，那样会导致浅尝辄止。（但我写的时候好像写成了学校有责任为学生安排课程，从学校的角度出发了，起码首句是这样的。。。好像是有点离题了）

感觉版主说得很对啊~论证有点脱节，自己看文章的时候还没有感觉出来。。。主要思维定式在脑中了，总是按照自己想的模式去看问题。。。其实文字的意思已经被扭曲了~谢谢bz提点拉:)

Iam13UID: 2116357

2   我觉得读起来舒服多了:loveliness: 个人看法而已

3  第二段的第一句说了两个意思，实际是分别在为后面分别说的两个意思做概括。要是能把两个意思浓缩在一起就更好