Argument147【SWEETBOX小组】第一次作业 by 小破孩

小破孩UID: 2125288

Argument 147
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

Word: 509 Time: Unknown, more than 1hr

The above argument claiming that video games of Whirlwind (W) will boost dramatically is not cogent with no sound or persuasive ratiocination suggesting the sales trend. The survey cited doesn’t indicate the superior of their games in the market; neither did they mention the effectiveness of the advertisement as illustrated as bellow.

First of all, whether video games of W are competitive in the market is open to doubt, let alone their popularity among players. Myriads of variables take account the players’ consideration about one video game in addition to its graphic effect, such as the price, the quality, the inner story, the user-friendly design and the customer service, etc. Without detail information about these factors of W, or the conditions of other video game companies, hardly can we predict customers’ interests in W’s products. It is also possible that the W’s video games are not compatible with other games which exclude numerous players. If certain companies have products with similar or even better lifelike graphics with easily access network world-wide users to play online together, their video games are absolutely more attractive than W’s. The development of video game market or whether new fashion would come to distract players should be also taken into consideration.

Secondly, even if we concede that the video games of W are already the most excellent ones, their sales may not increase accordingly with the extensive advertisement. The effectiveness of the advertisement is suspected. No detail strategies of the advertisement is provided such as the format of the advertising campaign, is it on TV or on the advertising board on the street? If it is on TV, when and what channels it is shown, who are the main audience of these advertisement? If it is on the advertising board, what is the location, how many people would see the advertisement, among those viewers, how many of them are target players or buyers? Even assuming the advertisement campaign is successful and does draw attention from most players, the pre-requests of the most up-to-date computers might vacillate players’ decision. Even with the wide spread usage of up-to-date computers, we cannot ensure the target players are financially competent to place their order other than asking support from their parents who might not familiar with the product or strongly against the video games.  

Moreover, without knowing the reasons of the sales decline of W in the past two years, the market acceptance and users’ confidence in products from W is uncertain. The foremost mission for W is to find the reason lagging their sale. As an old Chinese saying goes, once bitten by a snake, people will be afraid of getting near to anything looks like snake for a decade. Only after their rectification of flaws or disadvantages in their system, can players investigate more in their company’s products.

To conclude, the above argument lacks credibility and is not well reasoned as it stands. Only when provided the improvement plan, detail questionnaire about users’ concern, and the advertisement arrangement, can we make prospect about W’s sale trend.

shrek8081UID: 2339983

lz,你的文笔简直无可挑剔,我几乎没有发现任何错误,完全比我高几个档次,惭愧啊!强烈建议你来当组长!

至于文章的内容我觉得两个不太完美之处.首先,你列的3个论点似乎和孙远的那本书(GRE写作)上几乎一样,只不过交换了1,3论点顺序,我觉得这本书大家都可以买到,或者下载到电子版的,大家都可以用这些论点,如果考到,考官看到所有人的论点都几乎一样,我觉得可能会有些影响吧;还有就是论点顺序的问题,北美上说过议论Argument时应该按照错误出现的顺序来来进行,你把1,3论点掉下位置可能好点.

以上是鄙人愚见,也不知道对不对!这也是我第一次改作文,受到打击巨大啊,以后像你多多学习啊!

[ 本帖最后由 shrek8081 于 2007-5-28 07:22 编辑 ]

小破孩UID: 2125288

哪里有你说得那么好，呵呵，其实这个一个朋友帮我改过了，算是改了改吧，呵呵

~~~孙远的上面还有这个，我都没仔细看过，虽然我有那本书~~~呵呵，不过好像观点挺容易雷同的，最近看提纲觉得好像没有很多错误，但是好象以前一个贴子里说每个题都可以找出好多错误来~~~我就疯了

多谢你的建议~~~大家一起努力~~~