Issue83【SWEETBOX小组】第二次作业 by bluerbird

bluerbirdUID: 2141732

In general, I agree with the assertion that government is responsible for the preservation of publicly owned wilderness areas, which are remote and accessible to only a few people. Nowadays, most countries are so busy with developing domestic economy, dealing with international relationships that pay little attention to the remote wilderness areas they owns. Although it seems that the hardly accessible wilderness areas have nothing to do with our human’s daily life, it is not the case.
Firstly, the destruction of even a remote wildness area could result in unforeseeable effects on the large environment. Sahara is known as the world’s biggest desert. Archeology found some fish bones and creature relic in Sahara, which indicate that Sahara used to be a fertile field which had a mild climate and a sufficient rainfall. Then, what caused such a big change of Sahara? Archeology’s further research showed that it is primarily due to the damage of ecological balance conducted by mankind. Government should prohibit some farmers from overgrazing some wilderness areas, or more Sahara will come into being.
Secondly, the status of some wilderness area can be a sign of our human’s environment condition, if we don’t protect them instantly, we may enmesh us in catastrophe. A typical example is the North Pole, which could be the remotest wilderness area. Recent discovery that some glacier began to melt indicated the sign of global warming. Most country’s government have realized the critical problem and taken action to halt global warming, for fear that our unique earth will become a boundless ocean some day.
Furthermore, if governments disregard some wilderness areas, we may forfeit many precious varieties of creatures. Everyone knows that tropical rain forest is a big fortune to human. When one first comes to a tropical rain forest, it feels like in a mysterious world. Tropical rain forest’s distinctive condition makes it a choice place fore some rare animals and planes, which can be excellent resources for biologists. Deep research work about tropical rain forest also point out that not fully cognitive biology and the order of nature are contained in it, witch we need to explore. However, many tropical rain forests are disappearing, which is due to some human misconduct. If the tropical rain forest no longer exists, the immediate influence of the environment and damage to the entire creature circle will be surely a big threat to human life.
It is the governments’ duty to protect the environment we rely on and it’s every citizen’s responsibility to maintain a sustainable society for offspring. Government should pay attention to protect those remote wilderness areas, even they are accessible to few people. As a citizen, everyone should respond actively to the government’s orders for protect remote  wilderness areas.

第一篇作文，虽然写的不好，也很用心思的。谢谢帮我修改的同学！

sara0522UID: 2336981

In general, I agree with the assertion that government is responsible for the preservation of publicly owned wilderness areas, 加个ESPECIALLY,which are remote and accessible to only a few people. Nowadays, most countries are so busy with developing domestic economy, dealing with international relationships that pay little attention to the remote wilderness areas they owns. Although it seems that the hardly accessible wilderness areas have nothing to do with our human’s daily life, it is not the case.
Firstly, the destruction of even a remote wildness area could result in unforeseeable effects on the large environment. Sahara is known as the world’s biggest desert. Archeology found some fish bones and creature relic in Sahara, which indicate that Sahara used to be a fertile field which had a mild climate and a sufficient rainfall.(不一定有这么好的条件吧,might be 比较好) Then, what caused such a big change of Sahara? Archeology’s further research showed that it is primarily due to the damage of ecological balance conducted by mankind. Government should prohibit some farmers from overgrazing some wilderness areas, or more Sahara will come into being.(我觉得Lz这个例子不是很有说服力啊,因为你证明的好象是说原来不是荒地的,结果因为没有管理变成了荒地,可以说一下SAHARA这种对气候环境什么的产生的影响可能更恰当点吧)
Secondly, the status of some wilderness area can be a sign of our human’s environment condition, if we don’t protect them instantly, we may enmesh us in catastrophe.(满有意境的) A typical example is the North Pole, which could be the remotest wilderness area. Recent discovery show that some glacier began to melt indicated the sign of global warming. Most country’s government have realized the critical problem and taken action to halt global warming, for fear that our unique earth will become a boundless ocean some day. (这个例子好象沾点边的,满恰当的,LZ再多说点)
Furthermore, if governments disregard some wilderness areas, we may forfeit many precious varieties of creatures. Everyone knows that tropical rain forest is a big fortune to human. When one first comes to a tropical rain forest, it feels like in a mysterious world. Tropical rain forest’s distinctive condition makes it a choice place fore some rare animals and planes, which can be excellent resources for biologists. Deep research work about tropical rain forest also point out that not fully cognitive biology and the order of nature are contained in it, witch we need to explore. However, many tropical rain forests are disappearing, which is due to some human misconduct. If the tropical rain forest no longer exists, the immediate influence of the environment and damage to the entire creature circle will be surely a big threat to human life.(这段写得很好,但是让我想起了另一篇政府应该不应该保护动物的ISSUE,可能有关这个LZ的理由就有点少了)
It is the governments’ duty to protect the environment we rely on and it’s every citizen’s responsibility to maintain a sustainable society for offspring. Government should pay attention to protect those remote wilderness areas, even they are accessible to few people. As a citizen, everyone should respond actively to the government’s orders for protect(语法) remote  wilderness areas.
总的感觉LZ用词很好,很流畅,呵呵,就是观点跟我一样感觉证明的时候有点弱了,这篇真的满难的,没话讲,加油~~~~~
LZ有空也帮我看看吧https://bbs.gter.net/thread-675513-1-2.html

冬天的鹰UID: 2191930

从语法方面，有一些小细节值得注意，就比如说Archeology’s further research，这个说法就不太好，应该说Further research of archeology或者archeologists' further research。

从论点来看，论点都可以，但是顺序上或许值得商榷，毕竟美国人的思维上，是把最重要的论点放在首位上来说的，要着重强调的，而不是很关键的论点，放在后面说，作为一种补充。你的几个论点都是并列的，但是也最好把最危人耸听的放在第一位上，给人以强烈的印象。