Issue48 【0710G Victors互助小组】 第五次作业 by puzilong

puzilongUID: 2308557

Issue48
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
   If you pay more attentions on history files---books, videos etc, you will find that our history seems to be depicting those famous individuals’ stories. Sometimes I feel it is very unfair, after all our history and society are created by many groups of people who are unbeknown. However I do not think that the study of history concerns individuals too much.
   To history, we can not require that the historians and archaeologists do more, after all, for technical and time sake, history is always vague. Without enough files, without enough history remains, without enough history books, the historians can only tell us what happened and what people did in the past through those history relics and ancient sagas. A famous historian ever self-mockingly said, “ History just is that a group of historians tell story by studying history legacy and old legends.” Imagine what a good chef who can cook many delicious food can do without enough materials? He can never cook palatable dishes. Then historians are in this situation too. Therefore, our history usually is consisted of few famous individuals and events. And, in my opinion, history should like this, because history just only is the things that happened in the past. For long history, there are too many things and too many individuals, we need not to record and know everything and everyone. And not everything and everybody is worthy to write down, due to that most of things and people are common. After all, a few things can be called events, a few people can be called famous. Of course, I do not mean that the life of the average people is trivial and unvalued. To some degree, the groups of people who would be remembered are the element of history. I just want to present that as their deputy and leader, famous individuals can better represent a group of average people. And we must admit that famous individuals played the most crucial role on those significant events. This is next paragraph I will discuss.
To every significant thing, what we can remember just is the celebrity who play the most important part on it, in spite of that groups of common people contribute to it too. As is known to all, Thomas Edison invented over one thousand inventions, many of which impact on the whole world. Although everyone knows that what his assistants did is the same significant as what Edison did, almost no body remember those people, Because Edison is their deputy. I think that it is not necessary to enumerate examples to explain that famous individuals are deputy of average people, for famous individuals are the propellers of history.
To sum up, emphasizing the effects of famous individuals in history is not unequal, which benefit that we can know our history better through concise record stories of famous individuals.
   

[ 本帖最后由 puzilong 于 2007-6-18 12:47 编辑 ]

冬天的鹰UID: 2191930

关于你的legal law的那篇issue的一些看法。

我不太喜欢你的这篇Issue.

第一眼看去就觉得字数太少。虽然没有强制性的字数要求，但是550+字数意味着你能够更深入地剖析题目，论证你的观点。但是我在Word里数了一下你的文章的字数，才419字，我不认为你能够熟练驾驭英语以至于到了用419字就能很深刻地剖析一个社会问题的地步。所以第一个建议就是：多写一些想法。

其次就是，你的文章第一段没有鲜明地表达出来你的观点，至少对于用英语思维的人而言，看不出来你的个人观点。记住，千万别用中国人的中庸思维去写issue，说这个也好，那个也不赖，总之我们要辩证地看问题云云。这个在中国很吃香，但是在老外看来，你没有你自己的思想，那么你的文章必然不会被他们喜欢。

再从语言上来看，你的语言表达方式还需要改进很多，举例来说，“……the prime mission is survival, but when their food is enough……”注意这里面的逻辑关系，应该用and而不是but，因为这个是承接关系。另外mission我也不喜欢，如果是我的话，我会用task或者goal。如果想用更好一点的表达方式的话，when their food is enough这个说法我会这么说：when the food issue is no longer that urgent

类似的地方在你的文章里还很多，希望你也能多看一看北美范文或者论坛里的精华文章，感受一下比较地道的表达方式，少一些中国式英语。Good luck.

唐诗三百首UID: 2273424

Issue48
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

   If you pay more attentions on history files---books, videos etc, you will find that our history seems to be depicting those famous individuals’ stories. Sometimes I feel it is very unfair, after all our history and society are created by many groups of people who are unbeknown. However I do not think that the study of history concerns individuals too much.
   To history, we can not require that the historians and archaeologists do more, after all, for technical and time sake, history is always vague. Without enough files, without enough history remains, without enough history books, the historians can only tell us what happened and what people did in the past through those history relics and ancient sagas. A famous historian ever self-mockingly said, “ History just is that a group of historians tell story by studying history legacy and old legends.” Imagine what a good chef who can cook many delicious food can do without enough materials? He can never cook palatable dishes. Then historians are in this situation too. Therefore, our history usually is consisted of few famous individuals and events. And, in my opinion, history should like this, because history just only is the things that happened in the past. For long history, there are too many things and too many individuals, we need not to record and know everything and everyone. And not everything and everybody is worthy to write down, due to that most of things and people are common. After all, a few things can be called events, a few people can be called famous. Of course, I do not mean that the life of the average people is trivial and unvalued. To some degree, the groups of people who would be remembered are the element of history. I just want to present that as their deputy and leader, famous individuals can better represent a group of average people. And we must admit that famous individuals played the most crucial role on those significant events. This is next paragraph I will discuss.
To every significant thing, what we can remember just is the celebrity who play the most important part on it, in spite of that groups of common people contribute to it too. As is known to all, Thomas Edison invented over one thousand inventions, many of which impact on the whole world. Although everyone knows that what his assistants did is the same significant as what Edison did, almost no body remember those people, Because Edison is their deputy. I think that it is not necessary to enumerate examples to explain that famous individuals are deputy of average people, for famous individuals are the propellers of history.
To sum up, emphasizing the effects of famous individuals in history is not unequal, which benefit that we can know our history better through concise record stories of famous individuals.LZ的这篇文章的结构就很紧凑明确，论证也比较充分；（优点不说了，挑刺儿，呵呵），开篇LZ的观点是大正小负，即有一定的让步，而后文的论证却是全正的，与开头有一点出入，拿出来一段带一下开篇的‘I feel it is very unfair, after all our history and society are created by many groups of people who are unbeknown’就更好了；另外，注意一些细节上的表述就更好了，加油！