Argument147【METTLE小组】第二次作业 by yangzengli

yangzengliUID: 2332195

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

The conclusion in this argument is that in the next few months, after several video games have been poured into the market, the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to mount up，based on the survey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. While this argument has some merits, several critical flaws seriously undermine the line of reasoning.
       First of all, the validity of the survey is doubtful. Lacking information about the areas in which video-game players surveyed live and the ages of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results. For example, if the people surveyed are all at the age of 26 to 35, the agegroup failing to be the primary consumer of Whirlwind,  the conclusion that lifelike graphics is the most important feature in video-game player's eyes seems to be meaningless to the development of Whirlwind. If the people 10 to 25 years old place little emphasis on lifelike graphics, the sales of Whirlwind would probably like to decline as before, much less grow swiftly.
       Even if the survey is convincing enough, lifelike graphics is not the only feature about which video-game players are concerned. Without caring about other features, such as contents, types and themes, or combining these all features together properly, the video game similarly can not win the heart of the directed people and the sales of the combination will not increase at all. Besides, as lifelike graphic video games require the players’ computers to be equipped with the most advanced configuration, however, the people 10 to 25 years old usually don't have the capacity of economy to afford it. In such sense, Whirlwind simply equates the success with lifelike graphics, which is unwarranted.
       In addition, the argument also ignores the factors-such as competition, the power of advertisement and people's impression of this brand-that may be more important than the feature of lifelike graphics in determining success in the turnovers of Whirlwind. It is possible that comparing to Whirlwind, another video game company, excelling in the field of lifelike graphics, or holding a larger scale, or enjoying a high reputation throughout the whole country, exists in the neighborhood of Whirlwind. Again, Whirlwind pours a large amount of money into the extensive advertising campaign in order to enhance its influence upon people, which may lead to a dilemma: on the one hand, for the effect of advertisement is potential, people couldn't be aware of them in a short time; on the other hand, Whirlwind will afford more capital on the advertisement if carrying this campaign excessively for a long time. Then the argument fails to rule out the possibility that the profits of their video games will decrease sharply relative to the advertisement at last.
       In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument better, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the trend of the development of lifelike graphics and the current inner condition of Whirlwind and its competitors. Additionally, it would be essential for the arguer to make an effective and representative survey to support the argument.

susan8940UID: 160449

第二次写的很不错哈!!

第一段可以再加个survey的人数范围...决定survey不一定有效

第二段讲其它因素也不可以忽略...也即是:即使承认survey也不一定表示人们会买..因为有其它因素限制:..如果开头和TS就说清楚些就更好啦!

第三段讲会有竞争...也即是承认第二段会买这种产品也不一定会买W...

总的来说LZ写的条理清晰...语言上也不错...如果论述表达上再清楚些,注意下每段内部的论证方式...就更好啦!!

愚见...;d:

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

The conclusion in this argument is that in the next few months, after several video games have been poured 不知道这样用合适不合适呢,vedio games不像水吧,是可数名词into the market, the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to mount up，based on the survey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. While this argument has some merits, several critical flaws seriously undermine the line of reasoning.开头简洁
       First of all, the validity of the survey is doubtful. Lacking information about the areas in which video-game players surveyed live 两动词?and the ages of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results. For example, if the people surveyed are all at the age of 26 to 35, the agegroup failing fails? to be the primary consumers of Whirlwind,  the conclusion that lifelike graphics is the most important feature in video-game player's eyes seems to be meaningless to the development of Whirlwind. 好长一句If the people 10 to 25 years old place little emphasis on lifelike graphics, the sales of Whirlwind would probably like to decline as before, much less grow swiftly.后面"decline as before, much less grow swiftly"没看懂怎么个语法:confused:
       Even if the survey is convincing enough, lifelike graphics is not the only feature about which video-game players are concerned. Without caring about other features, such as contents, types and themes, or combining these all features together properly, the video game similarly can not win the heart of the directed people and the sales of the combination will not increase at all. Besides, as lifelike graphic video games require the players’ computers to be equipped with the most advanced configuration,这个地方分开两句写会不会好点,读着有点混乱 however, the people 10 to 25 years old usually don't have the capacity of economy to afford it. In such sense, Whirlwind simply equates the success with lifelike graphics, which is unwarranted.
       In addition, the argument also ignores the factors-such as competition, the power of advertisement and people's impression of this brand-that may be more important than the feature of lifelike graphics in determining success in the turnovers of Whirlwind. 感觉ts有点长,呵呵It is possible that comparing to Whirlwind, another video game company, excelling in the field of lifelike graphics, or holding a larger scale, or enjoying a high reputation throughout the whole country, exists in the neighborhood of Whirlwind. 这个和是不是exist neighborhood关系不大吧Again, Whirlwind pours a large amount of money into the extensive advertising campaign in order to enhance its influence upon people, which may lead to a dilemma: on the one hand, for the effect of advertisement is potential, people couldn't be aware of them in a short time; on the other hand, Whirlwind will afford more capital on the advertisement if carrying this campaign excessively for a long time. Then the argument fails to rule out the possibility that the profits of their video games will decrease sharply relative to the advertisement at last.
       In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument betterbetter strength用一个就ok了吧, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the trend of the development of lifelike graphics and the current inner condition of Whirlwind and its competitors. Additionally, it would be essential for the arguer to make an effective and representative survey to support the argument.

lz文章层次感不错啊,而且好多用语也不错,不过觉得有的句子写的有点长,读着怪怪的,我觉得太长了的还是改成两句的好吧.
水平不高,一点愚见.
欢迎回拍