ARGUMENT143 [Victors小组]第九次作业 by c0053

c0053UID: 2285120

题目：ARGUMENT143 - The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a national newspaper.

"Your recent article on corporate downsizing* in the United States is misleading. The article gives the mistaken impression that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment. But this impression is contradicted by a recent report on the United States economy, which found that since 1992 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated. The report also demonstrates that many of those who lost their jobs have found new employment. Two-thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and the vast majority of these jobs are full-time."

*Downsizing is the process in which corporations deliberately reduce the number of their employees.
字数：360          用时：上午 12:45:00          日期：2007-6-11

In this letter, the author claims that the editor's statement that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship before finding other suitable employment is problematic. To substantiate his conclusion, the author argues that a recent report on the United States economy contradicts the editor's opinion. This argument is flawed in several aspects.
First of all, the claim that since 1992 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated doesn't mean that the number of workers who lost their jobs has decreased. There may be more people who leave their positions for all kinds of reasons. Although they have the choice to choose another job, they do, lose their job first. As the author suggests, many of them have found new employment, but the author doesn't explore the journey they found their new work. The questions how long and how difficult have they found the new employment are not given. Maybe an employee need hard work to find another suitable position and maybe it's difficult for him to get used to it. Without further discussion, the conclusion can not be drawn that there are not much economic hardship for workers who lost their jobs.
In addition, the author fails to prove that the most employees can find new jobs than before.  Although two-thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that lend to pay above-average wages, but it is probably these jobs could not be attained by the people who lost their jobs. These new jobs may need workers who are equipped with new technologies, and young people from universities may be more welcome. Even if they can enter the enterprises, they have to take a long time to get used to the new environment. Their salaries can not be high at first, and economic hardship may emerge.
In conclusion, the author fails to establish a causal relationship between the increased amount of new jobs and the no-bad lives of people who lost their jobs. To strengthen the argument, he needs to provide evidence that the workers may find jobs in a short time and earn more money.

写得写得逻辑就有点混乱了，请狠拍

gyyxUID: 2290150

In this letter, the author claims that the editor's statement that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship before finding other suitable employment is problematic. To substantiate his conclusion, the author argues that a recent report on the United States economy contradicts the editor's opinion. 【前面加个转折语气吧，有点突兀】This argument is flawed in several aspects.
First of all, the claim that since 1992 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated doesn't mean that the number of workers who lost their jobs has decreased. There may be more people who leave their positions for all kinds of reasons【other reasons比较好吧】. Although they have the choice to choose another job, they do, lose their job first. 【这句话和主题有什么联系？】As the author suggests, many of them have found new employment, but the author doesn't explore the journey【process是不是更好些呢】 they found their new work. The questions how long and how difficult have they found【陈述语序吧】 the new employment are not given. Maybe an employee need hard work to find another suitable position and maybe it's difficult for him to get used to it. Without further discussion, the conclusion can not be drawn that there are not much economic hardship for workers who lost their jobs.【这个是批驳不是说新增职位多于消亡职位就意味着失业的人少了吧，加上就业人数增加这个因素可能比较好】
In addition, the author fails to prove that the most employees can find new jobs 【少副词吧】than before.  Although two-thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that lend to pay above-average wages, but it is probably these jobs could not be attained by the people who lost their jobs. These new jobs may need workers who are equipped with new technologies, and young people from universities may be more welcome. Even if they can enter the enterprises, they 【perhaps】have to take a long time to get used to the new environment. Their salaries can not be high at first, and economic hardship may emerge.
In conclusion, the author fails to establish a causal relationship between the increased amount of new jobs and the no-bad lives of people who lost their jobs. To strengthen the argument, he needs to provide evidence that the workers may find jobs in a short time and earn more money.

写得写得逻辑就有点混乱了，请狠拍
点评：
1.        批驳的点比较的少
2.        词汇上没有你ISSUE那么丰富了，句式也是，单调了些
3.        我写argu习惯是按照逻辑顺序批驳也就是如果是原因结论的题，我喜欢先批结论，如果结论不成立，那么原因就不可能成立了。至于你在我的点评里说的主次我还真的不好分那个是主要错误，哪个是次要的。
4.        我范文看的不够多，说的不好你见谅