Issue31 by happyhappypig

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

Issue31
"Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial."

Words: 629
From hide or hay wearing to the delicate clothes, from the bloody meats and wild fruits to delicious cuisines, from afraid of rains and storms in the caves, to living in comfortable buildings, from activities mainly within a small area with seldom migration to the globalization and convenient transportation, our society evolves dramatically from the ancient times to the modern industrialized world. It would be no exaggeration to say that all of these progresses are the contributions from the researches. It is always true that investing money to researches is a wise decision.

To begin with, researches are the primary and the most essential impetus for the development of our society, without researches the whole world would just step in the same place. For example, it is the researches in the field of computer science enlarge the market of electronic products, offering us diversified entertainments in the Internet and convenient communications with people anywhere in the world. It is the researches in the material science solve the problem of shortage of particular materials, using degradable synthesis polymers to make containers for our daily usage, improving the quality of the bullet-proof vest, or finding new recipe to make alloy more flexible as well as more rigid with broader applications. And it is the researches in the biomedical science help us realize the nature of plenty of diseases, discovering new drugs for medication, and revealing the fundamental processes undergoing in our body. All of the above researches need enormous money input, at the same time, they bring huge benefits back to the society. These in turn would provide larger room and more chances for the researchers, with every one of us enjoying this beneficial circle.

Moreover, although the outcome of the researches may not immediate or highly applicable, whereas investment on researches in a tough project for the whole society and the attitudes towards researches determines the fate of a society. Also, our aim for pragmatism doesn’t necessary inflict with those researches with little applications. For example, both the basic researches and the applicable researches are very developed in Germany and the transitions from researches to industrial usage are also high. In 2005, with more than 1.3 billion Eurodollar invested into the research field, Germany had the greatest number of patents in all the European countries, and far more patents than French and Dutch who are in the second place. Similarly, the United States spend more than 1300 billion dollars on scientific research, which number has almost doubled in the past 6 years. Of course, myriads of other variables should be taken into consideration upon the effectiveness of the research investment, such as the government’s regulation, the surveillance systems and objective evaluation. However, these facts do explain the importance of the attitudes towards research investment. Only with largess investment upon the meaningful researches, can a nation become the head of the world.

Admittedly, research is not the elixir to the world, and with our limiting knowledge and immature moral restriction, lots of problems cannot be solved in short term. Although the scientists conquer many diseases, many cancer patients still suffer from the unbearable pain. Although the nuclear reactions would provide us tremendous environment friend energy, its instability and potential threatening leakage would still bring anxiety to us. Although the clone technique can help patients produce his own organ to save life, the confliction with religion belief and its moral explanations is still suspended. However, there is no perfection in the world. With our progressing understanding of all the above issues, these problems would be solved some time anyway.

Taken together, invest money on researches is a beneficial decision. With emerging of more interdisciplinary areas, more puzzles would be solved and our life would be more colorful.

一米八四UID: 2317911

看到了 我看看啊

一米八四UID: 2317911

Issue31
"Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial."

Words: 629
From hide or hay wearing to the delicate clothes, from the bloody meats and wild fruits to (the) delicious cuisines, from (being) afraid of rains and storms in the caves, (我觉得这句话有点怪应该是由于怕下雨而躲在洞穴里这种关系吧) to living in comfortable buildings（看了后半句觉得这句可以改成从住在洞穴到舒适的房间这样）, from activities mainly within a small area with seldom migration to the globalization and convenient transportation, our society evolves dramatically from the ancient times to the modern industrialized world. It would be no exaggeration to say that all of these progresses are the contributions from the researches. It is always true that investing money to researches is a wise decision. (第一段很新颖啊,多重排比,很值得我学习,)

To begin with, researches are the primary and the most essential impetus for the development of our society, without researches the whole world would just step in the same place. For example, it is the researches in the field of computer science (that?是想用强调结构嘛 ) enlarge the market of electronic products, offering us diversified entertainments in the Internet and convenient communications with people anywhere in the world. It is the researches in the material science solve the problem of shortage of particular materials, using degradable synthesis polymers to make containers for our daily usage, improving the quality of the bullet-proof vest, or finding new recipe to make alloy more flexible as well as more rigid with broader applications. And it is the researches in the biomedical science help us realize the nature of plenty of diseases, discovering new drugs for medication, and revealing the fundamental processes undergoing in our body. All of the above researches need enormous money input, at the same time, they bring huge benefits back to the society. These in turn would provide larger room and more chances for the researchers, with every one of us enjoying this beneficial circle. (语言很精彩啊,佩服,我想请教下it is …..do sth, doing sth 这几句话语法没有错误嘛?)

Moreover, although the outcome of the researches may not immediate or highly applicable, whereas investment on researches in a tough project for the whole society and the attitudes towards researches determines the fate of a society. Also, our aim for (at) pragmatism doesn’t necessary inflict with those researches with little applications. For example, both the basic researches and the applicable researches are very developed in Germany and the transitions from researches to industrial usage are also high. In 2005, with more than 1.3 billion Eurodollar invested into the research field, Germany had the greatest number of patents in all the European countries, and far more patents than French and Dutch who are in the second place. Similarly, the United States spend more than 1300 billion dollars on scientific research, which number has almost doubled in the past 6 years. Of course, myriads of other variables should be taken into consideration upon the effectiveness of the research investment, such as the government’s regulation, the surveillance systems and objective evaluation. However, these facts do explain the importance of the attitudes towards research investment. Only with largess investment upon the meaningful researches, can a nation become the head of the world.

Admittedly, research is not the elixir to the world, and with our limiting knowledge and immature moral restriction, lots of problems cannot be solved in short term. Although the scientists conquer many diseases, many cancer patients still suffer from the unbearable pain. Although the nuclear reactions would provide us tremendous environment (friend?) energy, its instability and potential threatening leakage would still bring anxiety to us. Although the clone technique can help patients produce his own organ to save life, the confliction with religion belief and its moral explanations is still suspended. However, there is no perfection in the world. With our progressing understanding of all the above issues, these problems would be solved some time anyway.

Taken(我没见过这种表达形式,是不是应该是taking) together, invest money on researches is a beneficial decision. With emerging of more interdisciplinary areas, more puzzles would be solved and our life would be more colorful.

在语言方面我真的是太佩服你了,回头想想我的文章…汗-_-!

例证法运用的非常出色,是我学习的对象,尤其是第三四段

提点建议是不是应该在第一段点明一下自己的主题说的明确一点

          第四段看你的第一个主题句和后边的关系我觉得不太紧密后边实在说研究的两面性吧 lots of problems cannot be solved in short term这句话我觉得改成许多问题都会出现比这个明确一些

Lz 写了好多啊用了多久?呵呵

这些就是我的基本意见J

[ 本帖最后由 一米八四 于 2007-6-16 20:13 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

From hide or hay wearing to the delicate clothes, from the bloody meats and wild fruits to delicious cuisines, from afraid of rains and storms in the caves, to living in comfortable buildings, from activities mainly within a small area with seldom migration to the globalization and convenient transportation, our society evolves dramatically from the ancient times to the modern industrialized world. (这么长...如果后面的论证同样精彩那么这个确实是个亮点;但是如果后面的论证相对蹩脚那么这个就会看上去很突兀.先往下看吧) It would be no exaggeration to say that all of these progresses are the contributions from the researches. (第一步就能直接想到是因为research?不会吧...一般都是先想到科技进步什么的...然后可以再加一句说科学进步无疑是要靠research的...至少个人觉得可能更符合常人思考...) (两句之间来点链接词吧,否则读起来有点突兀) It is always true that investing money to researches is a wise decision. (首段态度看来不是完全支持至少也是大正小负,希望下面别偏掉了呵呵)

To begin with, researches are the primary and the most essential impetus for the development of our society, without researches the whole world would just step in the same place. (这个ts太大了...基本就是把topic的意思重述了一遍.段落的几个ts是要分几个层次把题目给解析掉的,讲这么大的ts一个段落内很难解释清楚,容易看上去很乱) For example, it is the researches in the field of computer science enlarge the market of electronic products, offering us diversified entertainments in the Internet and convenient communications with people anywhere in the world. It is the researches in the material science solve the problem of shortage of particular materials, using degradable synthesis polymers to make containers for our daily usage, improving the quality of the bullet-proof vest, or finding new recipe to make alloy more flexible as well as more rigid with broader applications. And it is the researches in the biomedical science help us realize the nature of plenty of diseases, discovering new drugs for medication, and revealing the fundamental processes undergoing in our body. (1,ts后面就直接来具体领域的例子而没有必要的推理或者甚至总领,大忌.无说服力;2,举了茫茫长的3个例子,事实上3个例子之间层次完全没有拉开,可以互相代替,所以说了那么多作用很小.)All of the above researches need enormous money input, at the same time, they bring huge benefits back to the society. These in turn would provide larger room and more chances for the researchers, with every one of us enjoying this beneficial circle. (典型的无特点的ts,然后狂举例,最后就总结把ts重复一遍的body,一句推理都没有.禁忌啊...)

Moreover, although the outcome of the researches may not immediate or highly applicable, (这个不是对于controversial的直接response,may not immediate or highly applicable和controversial还是有差别的,不要偷换概念) whereas investment on researches in a tough project for the whole society and the attitudes towards researches determines (单复数) the fate of a society. (没太看懂上句话什么意思) Also, (上一个问题还没展开阐述清楚怎么就also跳到下一个问题了?) our aim for pragmatism doesn’t necessary inflict with those researches with little applications. (看下面的论证怎么来支持这个小ts) For example, both the basic researches and the applicable researches are very developed in Germany and the transitions from researches to industrial usage are also high. (这一段还算支持前面的小ts,但还是不够.只是阐述了basic和applicable的研究都很多,而且都会转成工业应用.不过没有陈述为什么basic会变成usage;还有applicable的research本身就是pragmatic的了,应该不用再说,提到basic就可以了) In 2005, with more than 1.3 billion Eurodollar invested into the research field, Germany had the greatest number of patents in all the European countries, and far more patents than French and Dutch who are in the second place. (完全跟前面ts不搭杠的一段前面要说对于实际应用的目标不应该强加于非应用型的研究上,你看看你这一小段哪里涉及到实用非实用这个观念了) Similarly, the United States spend more than 1300 billion dollars on scientific research, which number has almost doubled in the past 6 years. (同上一小段) Of course, (这个是小让一步的语气.不过你前面都是在说非实用研究的投资有效,下面难道是要说它无效了吗?好像没看出来...) myriads of other variables should be taken into consideration upon the effectiveness of the research investment, such as the government’s regulation, the surveillance systems and objective evaluation. (这些因素到底要影响什么?要说清楚啊) However, these facts do explain the importance of the attitudes towards research investment. (看了两遍,还是一头雾水,不知道你要说什么) Only with largess investment upon the meaningful researches, can a nation become the head of the world. (相当糟糕的一个段落.例子首先不够支持论点,然后例子后面的几句话态度很不明确)

Admittedly, research is not the elixir to the world, and with our limiting knowledge (这个不正是需要更多的research来解决的么?自己驳自己了...) and immature moral restriction, lots of problems cannot be solved in short term. Although the scientists conquer many diseases, many cancer patients still suffer from the unbearable pain. (这个例子和前面的非research解决方案关系不大啊) Although the nuclear reactions would provide us tremendous environment friend energy, its instability and potential threatening leakage would still bring anxiety to us. Although the clone technique can help patients produce his own organ to save life, the confliction with religion belief and its moral explanations is still suspended. (这两个例子相当不错,陈述的也好.) However, there is no perfection in the world. With our progressing understanding of all the above issues, these problems would be solved some time anyway. (总结相当不错,全文总体态度很一致,没有最后一个body又像很多习作一样莫明其妙的又开始反驳自己文章开头的观念了)

Taken together, invest money on researches is a beneficial decision. With emerging of more interdisciplinary (文章完全没有涉及这个概念,结尾的时候忽然冒出来,突兀.) areas, more puzzles would be solved and our life would be more colorful. (高分issue结尾还是好好弄一下比较好)

例子是不少
不过真正支持ts的不多
而且相应的正面推理论证太少
加油

strokes7UID: 2262256

老姐，注意身体啊，夜里2点还在交作业，别回来又脑袋疼
占个座，回来我也来拍拍，呵呵
这两天考试，忙~~~~