Argument38 [METTLE互助小组第四次作业] by hejielady第一次修改

hejieladyUID: 2282175

38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are , we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

The statement of the memo appeared in the newsletter seems sound at the first blush. A further analyzing nevertheless indicated that it is unreasonable to take grant that the amount of absenteeism will reduce significantly. In other words, the memo suffers some illogical problems, which render it from convincing us as it states.

Firstly, the arguer failed to present any statistics to prove that Ichthaid could prevent people from getting cold. While it is true that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds, there is no evidence in the memo indicate the fish oil enjoys the same effectiveness; not mention to the Ichthaid, which is the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. Thus, reliable evidence should be laid out to convince us that the element could prevent the cold remained in the Ichthaid,

Secondly, it is not cogent for the arguer to claim that a study shows people in the East suffer only once or twice per year of colds because of high fish consumption. As the weather condition differ from area to area, the weather in East may be warmer and much comfortable than the West, therefore, it is very possible that a good weather contributes to less colds in East. In addition, the number that people visit the doctor does not equal to that of the colds they get a year, in stead, most people would rather to take some pills and have a good rest. Without considering these factors that might have served to decrease the number of cold, it is not safe for the arguer to draw the conclusion that it is the large number of consumption of fish that results in the fewer case cold in the East.

Finally, lacking statistics to explain how many people absence from school and work for the excuse of cold, it is unreasonable for the arguer to alert that colds are the most frequent one among all excuses. Even though the number of colds would decrease, other excuses would arise for people to ask for a leave, excuses like headache, stomachache and so forth. Therefore, the author cannot justifiably conclude that it is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism by daily use of Ichthaid.

Having analyzed all the illogical and unreasonable evidence mentioned above, it is obvious that the arguer cannot safely draw the conclusion cited in the memo. To strengthen the argument, the author should investigate and lay out more specific details and scientific statistics. Besides, it is very necessary for the arguer to ponder every possible factors may serve the cold.

[ 本帖最后由 hejielady 于 2007-6-25 16:09 编辑 ]

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

The statement of the memo appeared in the newsletter seems sound at the first blush. A further analyzing, nevertheless, indicated that it is unreasonable to take grant that the amount of absenteeism will reduce significantly. In other words, the memo suffers from some illogical problems, which render it from convincing us as what it stated.开头还蛮简洁的，喜欢

Firstly, the arguer failed to present any statistics to prove that Ichthaid could prevent people from getting cold. While it is true that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds, there is no evidence in the memo indicate the fish oil enjoys the same effectiveness; not mention to the Ichthaid, which is the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. body地论述只有一句话？呵呵Thus, reliable evidence should be laid out to convince us that the element could prevent the cold remained in the Ichthaid,

Secondly, it is not cogent for the arguer to claim that a the? study shows people in the East suffer only once or twice per year of colds because of high fish consumption. 这里再加一句论述再做推断或者举例会不会好点？As the weather condition differs from area to area, the weather in East may be warmer and much more comfortable than the West, therefore, it is very possible that a good weather contributes to less colds in East. How about changing the above sentence to" As the weather condition differs from area to area, it is very possible that the weather in East is much more comfortabel than the west, which contributes to less colds in East."? In addition, the number that people visit the doctor does not equal to that of the colds they get a year, 这个放在前面说比较好吧，先说次数不一定反映是不是感冒，再说就算是感冒了也不一定是因为吃鱼引起的，可能是天气的差别bla bla blain stead, most people would rather to take some pills and have a good rest. Without considering these factors that might have served to decrease the number of cold, it is not safe for the arguer to draw the conclusion that it is the large number of consumption of fish that results in the fewer case cold in the East.有一点疑惑，如果这段论述的是吃鱼不一定和感冒有关系，那body1说的"while it is true that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent cold, bla bla bla算不算自相矛盾啊，我觉得或者body2写在前面，然后再说body1,让步一下，就算fish可以，ich~~也不一定可以

Finally, lacking statistics to explain how many people absence from school and work for the excuse of cold, it is unreasonable for the arguer to alert that colds are the most frequent one among all excuses. Even though the number of colds would decrease, other excuses would arise for people to ask for a leave, excuses  直接like 好了，excuse 在这句里面用了太多次了like headache, stomachache and so forth. Therefore, the author cannot justifiably conclude that it is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism by daily use of Ichthaid.

Having analyzed all the illogical and unreasonable evidence mentioned above, it is obvious that the arguer cannot safely draw the conclusion cited in the memo. To strengthen the argument, the author should investigate and lay out more specific details and scientific statistics. Besides, 第一次见到有人用对besides的，赞一个it is very necessary for the arguer to ponder every possible factors may serve the cold.

lz的文章写得很好啊，可能论证批驳点的时候考虑一下顺序可能更好点
语言很好，学习之，好多次我都拿走用了哈
这周忘了选组，组长没给我安排互改的，你也帮我看看吧，多谢

hejieladyUID: 2282175

呵呵，谢谢哦，我会好好改改的，不过因为我今天在学校有事，明天去教堂一天不能用电脑，我尽量在明晚7点前帮你看下作文！

drlzUID: 2329258

38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are , we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

The statement of the memo(我觉得直接用the memo做主语就可以了.) appeared in the newsletter seems sound at the first blush. A further analyzing nevertheless indicated(analyzing是动名词,为什么前面还要加个"a"啊? 还有动名词做主语谓语动词用第三人称单数,该为: Further analyzing this memo nevertheless indicates ) that it is unreasonable to take(加个for) grant(ed) that the amount of absenteeism will reduce significantly. In other words, the memo suffers from some illogical problems, which render it from convincing us as what it stated.(这句话能不能就直接用which render it  unconvincing as it stands)

Firstly, the arguer failed(fails) to present any statistics to prove that Ichthaid could prevent people from getting cold. While it is true that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds, there is no evidence in the memo indicate(indicating that) the fish oil enjoys the same effectiveness; not mention to(not to mention) the Ichthaid, which is the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. Thus, reliable evidence should be laid out to convince us that the element (which)could prevent the cold (加个also)remained (remains)in the Ichthaid,

Secondly, it is not cogent for the arguer to claim that a study shows people in the East suffer only once or twice per year of colds because of high fish consumption. As the weather condition differ(s) from area to area, the weather in East may be warmer and much comfortable than the West, therefore, it is very possible that a good weather contributes to less colds in East. In addition, the number that people(有点晦涩,改为 the number of people that) visit the doctor does not equal to (我查了一下字典,to去掉)that of the colds they get a year, in stead, most people would rather to(去掉) take some pills and have a good rest. Without considering these factors that might have served to decrease the number of cold, it is not safe for the arguer to draw the conclusion that it is the large number of consumption of fish that results in the fewer case (of)cold in the East.

Finally, lacking statistics to explain how many people absence(这是个名词, 怎么做谓语啊? are absent) from school and work for the excuse of cold, it is unreasonable for the arguer to alert that colds are the most frequent one among all excuses. Even though the number of colds would decrease, other excuses would arise for people to ask for a leave, excuses like(能不能就直接用such as) headache, stomachache and so forth. Therefore, the author cannot justifiably conclude that it is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism by daily use of Ichthaid.

Having analyzed all the illogical and unreasonable evidence mentioned above, it is obvious that the arguer cannot safely draw the conclusion cited in the memo. To strengthen the argument, the author should investigate and lay out more specific details and scientific statistics. Besides, it is very necessary for the arguer to ponder every possible factors (which)may serve the cold.

argument我还没怎么复习,所以就只能和你改点语言上的错误

hejieladyUID: 2282175

drlz,你对我语言的修改对我的帮助就已经很大了,非常感谢!

hejieladyUID: 2282175

第一次修改
The memo appeared in the newsletter seems sound at the first blush. A further analysis nevertheless indicating that it is unreasonable to take for granted that the amount of absenteeism will reduce significantly. In other words, the memo suffers from some illogical problems, which render it from convincing us as what is stated.

Firstly, it is not cogent for the arguer to claim that the study shows people in the East suffer only once or twice per year of colds because of high fish consumption. The number of people that visit the doctor does not equal that of the colds they get a year, in stead, most people would rather take some pills and have a good rest. Moreover, as the weather condition differs from area to area, the weather in East may be warmer and much comfortable than the West, therefore, it is very possible that a good weather contributes to lessen colds in East. Without considering these factors that might have served to decrease the number of cold, it is not safe for the arguer to draw the conclusion that it is the large number of consumption of fish that results in the fewer cases of colds in the East.

Secondly the arguer fails to present any statistics to prove that Ichthaid could prevent people from getting cold. While it is true that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds, there is no evidence in the memo indicating that the fish oil enjoys the same effectiveness; not to mention the Ichthaid, which is the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. Thus, reliable evidence should be laid out to convince us that the element refined from the fish, which could prevent people from cold remained in the Ichthaid.

Finally, lacking statistics to explain how many people are absent from school and work for the cause of cold, it is unreasonable for the arguer to alert that colds are the most frequent one among all causes. Even though the number of colds would decrease, other excuses would arise for people to ask for a leave, excuses like headache, stomachache and so forth. Therefore, the author cannot justifiably conclude that it is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism by daily use of Ichthaid.

Having analyzed all the illogical and unreasonable evidence mentioned above, it is obvious that the arguer cannot safely draw the conclusion cited in the memo. To strengthen the argument, the author should investigate and lay out more specific details and scientific statistics. Besides, it is very necessary for the arguer to ponder every possible factor which may serves the cold.