issue48 【SWEETBOX小组】第六次作业by旋木

旋木DIYUID: 2341776

issue48
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten"
   I agree with the assertion that the history is made by groups of people while I cannot accede that the history we study have places too much emphasis on individuals. There are several reasons as below
   To begin with, the masses are the creator of the history, without the power of the masses, there will be no Great Wall, no industry world and also the beatific life we have now. Only with the army that the general can defeat the enemy and only with the myriads of people that the Industrial Revolution is possible to break out and have the final victory. The masses give the general the main power to make the history. For instance, Albert Lincoln can not release the Negro without the help of his adherents, it is the masses that exert his propose for liberating the Negro, and also it is the efforts the Negro themselves made that lead to the final triumph of the war. So the masses play the pivotal role in the history river.
   However, the key individuals can not been ignored, since the key individuals such as the general is the one who propose the object and lead the group. Without a leader, the masses are just like a kite without a line to hold it, can the final result is to fall. Mahatma Gandhi, the father of the India, before his emergence, the whole nation have been under the pressure of the Britain invaders for a long time. The people have been always thinking about to be independence, and then it came the Gandhi, under his guidance, with his effective policy to revolt the invaders, the nation finally get the freedom and attained the independence on 15th August 1947. There are also many other famous leaders such as Dwight Eisenhower and Winston Churchill that really deserve the fame they gained. It is undeniable that the famous individual plays an important role in the history making road.
   Moreover, it is not mutually exclusive for the famous individuals and the group of people, since the famous individual also comes from the masses, they represent the masses to some extent. And also, when assert that the study of the history focus more on the individual it is quite reasonable, the study of history can not to emphasis the masses in details, only with somebody who is the most important in the event that we can know the comprehensive procedure of the history, and people are tend to remember the famous people that then they can remember the whole event, it is not the study of history focus more on the individual, but the people tend to remember the importance of the individual in the famous event and history.
   In conclusion, due to the reasons and the analysis above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any one of them, we may comfortable to say that the group of people are the ones that play the critical role and also with the famous ones’ superb visions and leadership that can make the history, the history studying present both of them to us while we choose to remember the superb individuals.

jiangyue011UID: 2340595

I agree with the assertion that the history is made by groups of people while I cannot accede that the history we study have places too much emphasis on individuals. There are several reasons as below. (我觉得一点不太好的就是题目并没有说历史是由groups创造的,所以你说agree我觉得有点点唐突,不过仔细想想好像也可以.)   To begin with, the masses are the creator(creators) of the history, without the power of the masses, there will be no Great Wall, no industry (industrial) world and also(删) the beatific life we have now (个人觉得你这个排比还是缺乏点力度,可能无法深入的原因,不过我也写不好.now可以用nowadays更好. 第二个逗号我觉得似乎要用分号更好点). Only with the army that the general can defeat the enemy and only with the myriads of people that the Industrial Revolution is possible to break out and have the final victory. (only提前要倒装, 所以这句结构有问题)The masses give the general the main power to make the history. (我觉得根前面意思重复,这句调在前面,而后面再举例更好) For instance, Albert Lincoln can not release the Negro without the help of his adherents, (用冒号或分号) it is the masses that exert his propose for liberating the Negro, and also it is the efforts the Negro themselves made that lead to the final triumph of the war. (好像应该叫movement而不是war) So the masses play the pivotal role in the history river.(虽然能挑很多刺, 但是这篇用借代的修辞手法很好, )   However, the key individuals can not been ignored, since the key individuals such as the general is the one who propose the object and lead the group. Without a leader, the masses are just like a kite without a line to hold it, can the final result is to fall (fall down). Mahatma Gandhi, the father of the India, before his emergence, the whole nation have (has) been under the pressure of the Britain invaders for a long time. The people have been always thinking about to be independence, and then it came the Gandhi, under his guidance, with his effective policy to revolt the invaders, the nation finally get the freedom and attained the independence on 15th August 1947. There are also many other famous leaders such as Dwight Eisenhower and Winston Churchill that really deserve the fame they gained. It is undeniable that the famous individual plays an important role in the history making road.(这段感觉没多少问题)   Moreover, it is not mutually exclusive for the famous individuals and the group of people, since the famous individual also comes from the masses, they represent the masses to some extent. And also, when assert that the study of the history focus more on the individual it is quite reasonable, the study of history can not to emphasis the masses in details, only with somebody who is the most important in the event that we can know the comprehensive procedure of the history, and people are tend to remember the famous people that then they can remember the whole event, it is not the study of history focus(有语法错误) more on the individual, but the people tend to remember the importance of the individual in the famous event and history. (后半句我觉得要修改下才构成平行结构.)   In conclusion, due to the reasons and the analysis above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any one of them, we may (be)comfortable to say that the group of people are the ones that play the critical role and also with the famous ones’ superb visions and leadership that can make the history, the history studying present both of them to us while we choose to remember the superb individuals.

( 文章在论述集体和个人的重要性之后说研究个人是因为人们选择的结果. 结构上是完整的这样看来我似乎有偏题的嫌疑了, 我没有过多的谈历史由谁决定的, 而谈为什么要研究famous few了.第一段段内结构我觉得可以调整下,其他的大体我觉得结构上没太大问题了.)