Issue207 【METTLE小组】第五次作业 by happyhappypig

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

Issue 207
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

Words: 634
From the Easter in the western world to the dragon boat festival in the east, from solemn rituals to frolic ceremonies, from devotional disciples to free laymen, rituals and ceremonies, as part of the essential celebrations in the society, play critical roles defining our culture and our identity. Just like fishes cannot live without water, the development of human beings cannot progress without rituals and ceremonies.

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies in a society are indispensable in the definition of our identity. They help keep the social norms and standards; they enforce the national cohesion and they offer a channel for people expressing their thoughts, deliver their thanks and placing their wishes. For example, the ceremonies for goddess of wisdom or god of Bacchanalia in Greece provide spiritual entertainment for the residents, offer connection between tribes and give women chances for communication. The traditional Chinese dragon dance and lion dance, a kind of group dance drama, provide a bridge of people worldwide and show their wish to expect clement weather and rich harvest. All of these ceremonies originate from our ancestors give us particular character and moral evaluation standard which not only tight our connections and always remind us about our origins. With the economic globalization and the emerging of global village, more and more people become dispersed and live with people with totally different backgrounds, the rituals and ceremonies also offer opportunities to understand other cultures, leading people to social harmony.

Moreover, ritual and ceremonious build up long lasting integral moral characters, which might otherwise easily fade. For instance, the Easter, the oldest and the most meaningful ceremony in the western world, reflect renascence and hope, telling people always to be grateful and thankful. Also, the reborn of Jesus reminding people who they are, where they are coming from and what is their identity. Nowadays, people with various religion backgrounds join the Easter. Even with different belief, these charitable spirits get wide spreading. The dragon boat festival in China, aims in memory of Chinese poet, QU Yuan, who jump into a river rather than compromise his fealty. His faithfulness is praised and passed on generations after generations with the help of the festival. Without these rituals or ceremonies, the traditional characteristic and national identity might be gradually faded. It is not exaggerate to say that, to some extent, rituals and ceremonies are not only for us to remember those who contribute to our societies in the past, but also exert great impact shaping our personal characters.

Admittedly, with limited knowledge and scare of the Mother Nature in the old times, plenty of meaningless rituals do exists. However, with our boarding knowledge and growing confidence, these unhealthy ceremonies should be abandoned. Even nowadays, in some eastern countries, women are not allowed to take any responsibilities or even show their faces in the public places, preventing lots of talented girls express their natural gift in painting, dancing or even scientific researches. In certain African countries, thousands of girls still suffers from the circumcisions. And homosexual people are even judged to have death penalty due to the conflict with local religion. Of course the debating of homosexual couples never ends; still they don’t deserve death in any sense. Although these rituals do distinguish those people from other population, yet these fatuous traditions actually bring great hurt to the people and hindered its communications with the outside world.

Taken together, the important role of rituals and ceremonies make the connection between people within the same culture more tight. Rituals and ceremonies tell people who they used to be and direct them in their future development. From what have discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that rituals and ceremonies producing a far-reaching impact and would benefit our individual development and the society as a whole.

[ 本帖最后由 happyhappypig 于 2007-6-29 23:52 编辑 ]

expire7UID: 2160574

seat taken

strokes7UID: 2262256

姐姐，版主好像很爱戴你啊

expire7UID: 2160574

Issue 207
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

Words: 634
From the Easter in the western world to the dragon boat festival in the east, from solemn rituals to frolic ceremonies, from devotional disciples to free laymen, rituals and ceremonies, as part of the essential celebrations in the society, play critical roles defining our culture and our identity. Just like fishes cannot live without water, the development of human beings cannot progress without rituals and ceremonies. （不错的开头。拥有自己的特点，没有使用千篇一律的模式。）

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies in a society are indispensable in the definition of our identity. （能不能说who they are的定义就是后面你提到几个？这样感觉更配合题目To achieve this aim, they help keep….）They help keep the social norms and standards;(逗号) they enforce the national cohesion and they offer a channel for people expressing their thoughts, deliver their thanks and placing their wishes. For example, the ceremonies for goddess of wisdom or god of Bacchanalia in Greece provide spiritual entertainment for the residents, offer connection between tribes and give women chances for communication. The traditional Chinese dragon dance and lion dance, a kind of group dance drama, provide a bridge of people worldwide and show their wish to expect clement weather and rich harvest. All of these ceremonies originate from our ancestors give us particular character and moral evaluation standard which not only tight our connections and always remind us about our origins. With the economic globalization and the emerging of global village, more and more people become dispersed and live with people with totally different backgrounds, the rituals and ceremonies also offer opportunities to understand other cultures, leading people to social harmony. （这一段感觉好）

Moreover, ritual and ceremonious build up long lasting integral moral characters, which might otherwise easily fade. For instance, the Easter, the oldest and the most meaningful ceremony in the western world, reflect renascence and hope, telling people always to be grateful and thankful. Also, the reborn of Jesus reminding people who they are, where they are coming from and what is their identity. Nowadays, people with various religion backgrounds join the Easter. Even with different belief, these charitable spirits get wide spreading. The dragon boat festival in China, aims in memory of Chinese poet, QU Yuan, who jump into a river rather than compromise his fealty. His faithfulness is praised and passed on generations after generations with the help of the festival. Without these rituals or ceremonies, the traditional characteristic and national identity might be gradually faded. It is not exaggerate to say that, to some extent, rituals and ceremonies are not only for us to remember those who contribute to our societies in the past, but also exert great impact shaping our personal characters. （略微感觉与题目who they are无关。虽然写的不错。首先TS里面easily fade就与题目无关。至少没有直接点明。然后本段结尾，remember和exert也感觉与题目无联系。个人觉得，跑题了。）

Admittedly, with limited knowledge and scare of the Mother Nature in the old times, plenty of meaningless rituals do exists. However, with our boarding knowledge and growing confidence, these unhealthy ceremonies should be abandoned.（这样的TS提法有点偏离题目。题目主要说是who they are。而这里没有与这个结合起来。可以说，有一些传统的存在与否与能否让现代人有归属感和认同感毫无联系，比如说一些陈旧的，落后的习俗。然后举例。。。。）（这种写作错误是I里面常见的，当思路过分铺开以后会失去一些对语言的控制能力，请适当注意就好。） Even nowadays, in some eastern countries, women are not allowed to take any responsibilities or even show their faces in the public places, preventing lots of talented girls express（expressing） their natural gift in painting, dancing or even scientific researches. In certain African countries, thousands of girls still suffers from the circumcisions. And homosexual people are even judged to have death penalty due to the conflict with local religion. Of course the debating of homosexual couples never ends; still they don’t deserve death in any sense. Although these rituals do distinguish those people from other population, yet these fatuous traditions actually bring great hurt to the people and hindered its communications with the outside world.

Taken together, the important role of rituals and ceremonies make the connection between people within the same culture more tight(第一句不如下一句更照应题目，感觉不好). Rituals and ceremonies tell people who they used to be and direct them in their future development. From what have discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that rituals and ceremonies producing a far-reaching impact and would benefit our individual development and the society as a whole.

写作能力和技巧都好，基本没有多可以挑剔的地方。个人觉得，与题目的切合上面略微有点失误，需要注意和控制。

hejieladyUID: 2282175

我也觉得,版主对你好好,而且她说你基本没有多可以挑剔的地方---我还在你的A上改了很多呢,你别被我误导了哦,不好意思!

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

~~~stroke你又臭词滥用了，呵呵，我们爱戴斑竹才是~~~你中文水平下降了哦<br />
kelly你的issue我晚改了一天，不好意思，呵呵<br />
没有什么误导不误导的，每到最后考试那一天每个人都会有毛病的，多谢你的修改，呵呵：）

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

Words: 685
From the Easter in the western world to the dragon boat festival in the east, from solemn rituals to frolic ceremonies, from devotional disciples to free laymen, rituals and ceremonies, as part of the essential celebrations in the society, play critical roles defining our culture and our identity. Just like fishes cannot live without water, the development of human beings cannot progress without rituals and ceremonies.

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies in a society are indispensable in the definition of our identity. To achieving this function, they help keep the social norms and standards; they enforce the national cohesion and they offer a channel for people expressing their thoughts, deliver their thanks and placing their wishes. For example, the ceremonies for goddess of wisdom or god of Bacchanalia in Greece provide spiritual entertainment for the residents, offer connection between tribes and give women chances for communication. The traditional Chinese dragon dance and lion dance, a kind of group dance drama, provide a bridge of people worldwide and show their wish to expect clement weather and rich harvest. All of these ceremonies originate from our ancestors give us particular character and moral evaluation standard which not only tight our connections and always remind us about our origins. With the economic globalization and the emerging of global village, more and more people become dispersed and live with people with totally different backgrounds, the rituals and ceremonies also offer opportunities to understand other cultures, leading people to social harmony.

Moreover, ritual and ceremonious build up long-lasting moral characters, which remind us to reserve those integral spirits of our ancestors ourselves. For instance, the Easter, the oldest and the most meaningful ceremony in the western world, reflect renascence and hope, telling people always to be grateful and thankful. Also, the reborn of Jesus reminding people who they are, where they are coming from and what is their identities. The dragon boat festival in China, aims in memory of Chinese poet, QU Yuan, who jump into a river rather than compromise his fealty. His faithfulness is praised and passed on generations after generations with the help of the festival, always reminding people they are the descendents of eastern Emperor. Without these rituals or ceremonies, the traditional characteristic and national identity might be gradually faded, people might get lost in sensing who they are. It is not exaggerate to say that, to some extent, rituals and ceremonies are not only for us to remember those who contribute to our societies in the past, but also exert great impact shaping our personal characters and our identities.

Admittedly, with limited knowledge of the Mother Nature in the old times, plenty of meaningless rituals do exist which may even cause people leaving where they live or disclaim their identities. With our increasing knowledge and growing confidence, these unhealthy ceremonies that make people lost themselves should be abandoned. Even nowadays, in some eastern countries, women are not allowed to take any responsibilities or even show their faces in the public places. Lots of talented girls express their natural gift in painting, dancing or even scientific areas are either get expel from the tribe or hide their true identity. Let us take another example, homosexual couples are even judged to have death penalty due to the conflict with certain religion. Of course the debating of homosexual couples never ends; still they don’t deserve death in any sense. People therefore have to lie about who they are or where they are coming from in order to survive. Although these rituals do distinguish those people from other population, yet these fatuous traditions actually bring great hurt to their people and eventually lost them.

Taken together, the important role of rituals and ceremonies make the connection between people within the same culture more tight. Rituals and ceremonies tell people who they used to be and direct them in their future development. From what have discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that rituals and ceremonies producing a far-reaching impact on sensing people who they are and would benefit our individual development and the society as a whole.

jiangyue011UID: 2340595

看来楼主无论Issue和argu练习都是很多的,呵呵.
修改过之后感觉非常好了,但是在倒数第二段, 我觉得可以看作是间接扣题或者是对题目的升华,因为题目只要求论述who they are 和define a culture.

wzhfutureUID: 2264867

From the Easter in the western world to the dragon boat festival in the east, from solemn rituals to frolic ceremonies, from devotional disciples to free laymen, rituals and ceremonies, as part of the essential celebrations in the society, play critical roles defining our culture and our identity. Just like fishes cannot live without water, the development of human beings cannot progress without rituals and ceremonies. (开头满好的..)

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies in a society are indispensable in the definition of our identity. To achieving(achieve) this function, they help keep the social norms and standards; they enforce the national cohesion and they offer a channel for people expressing their thoughts, deliver(delivering) their thanks and placing their wishes.(感觉列举了一个功能,紧接着举例,再列举一个功能...可能好些..) For example, the ceremonies for goddess of wisdom or god of Bacchanalia in Greece provide spiritual entertainment for the residents, offer connection between tribes and give women chances for communication. The traditional Chinese dragon dance and lion dance, a kind of group dance drama, provide a bridge of people worldwide and show their wish to expect clement weather and rich harvest. All of these ceremonies ,originate(originating) from our ancestors ,give us particular character and moral evaluation standard which not only tight our connections and but always remind us about(of?) our origins. With the economic globalization and the emerging of global village, more and more people become dispersed and live with people with totally different backgrounds, the rituals and ceremonies also offer opportunities to understand other cultures, leading people to social harmony. (这段中没说keep morms 的事,还有结尾最好总结一下,不要在列观点了)

Moreover, ritual and ceremonious build up long-lasting moral characters, which remind us to reserve those integral spirits of our ancestors ourselves. For instance, the Easter, the oldest and the most meaningful ceremony in the western world, reflect(reflects) renascence and hope, telling people always to be grateful and thankful. Also, the reborn of Jesus reminding people of who they are, where they are coming from and what is their identities. The dragon boat festival in China, aims in memory of Chinese poet, QU Yuan, who jump into a river rather than compromise his fealty. His faithfulness is praised and passed on generations after generations with the help of the festival, always reminding people they are the descendents of eastern Emperor. Without these rituals or ceremonies, the traditional characteristic and national identity might (be) gradually faded, people might get lost in sensing who they are. It is not exaggerate to say that, to some extent, rituals and ceremonies are not only for us to remember those who contribute to our societies in the past, but also exert great impact shaping our personal characters and our identities. (这段观点不错的)

Admittedly, with limited knowledge of the Mother Nature in the old times, plenty of meaningless rituals do exist which may even cause people leaving where they live or disclaim their identities. With our increasing knowledge and growing confidence, these unhealthy ceremonies that make(made) people lost(lose) themselves should be abandoned. Even nowadays, in some eastern countries, women are not allowed to take any responsibilities or even show their faces in the public places. Lots of talented girls express their natural gift in painting, dancing or even scientific areas are either get expel from the tribe or hide their true identity. Let us take another example, homosexual couples are even judged to have death penalty due to the conflict with certain religion. Of course the debating of homosexual couples never ends; still they don’t deserve death in any sense. People therefore have to lie about who they are or where they are coming from in order to survive. Although these rituals do distinguish those people from other population, yet these fatuous traditions actually bring great hurt to their people and eventually lost them.(感觉这段的观点和题目没啥关系??)

Taken together, the important role of rituals and ceremonies make the connection between people within the same culture more tight(tighter). Rituals and ceremonies tell people who they used to be and direct them in their future development. From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw a(the) conclusion that rituals and ceremonies producing a far-reaching impact on sensing people who they are and would benefit our individual development and the society as a whole.

谢谢拍我的作文:handshake
觉得你的总体上不错的,例子丰富...
但存在一些语法几时态的错误
我的水平有限,不妥之处欢迎指教..
共同进步...