Issue185 [天道酬勤小组]第三次作业by yaoqian0424(不错的习作 by expire7)

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 613          TIME: 01:12:00          DATE: 2007-7-5 下午 04:36:35

Scandals, with the very definition--a public feeling of shock and strong moral disapproval, are definitely the negative outcomes of social and political evolution. Though they can be helpful for us to accentuate the potential problems of our society and thus encourage relative department to deal with them, there is always the case that they bring negative impact for our lives, and can not be compared with the endeavor of speakers or reformers concerning the sound and peaceful process.

Admittedly, scandals can serve to rise our instant attention to some hidden social and political problems that we could otherwise overlook and urge corresponding department to take actions to prevent the similar events, which function can not be taken by speakers and reformers in a short time. The "girlfriend gate" issue of the former World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz is a good case in point. He has unwarrantedly arranged the pay and promotion package for his girlfriend which brought him to be at the centre of a long and comprehensive controversy of public. And he had to suffer resignation as World Bank president as the consequence. In this case, global attention was called for the corruption and nepotism in business management--which may be ignored in our daily lives. In addition, the board of World Bank later promised to lay more emphasis on the supervision on the process of business domination.  For that matter, we have to concede the positive effect of scandals to our society in some cases.

However, the benefit of scandal mentioned above can not blind us to the far more destructive impact of them. After all they are the passive results of social development. As for the realm of politics, any scandals would do harm to the interests and rights of public and generate the distrust of public towards their government as the immediate and direct influence. Similarly, in reference to science field, the frequency of scandals may also contribute to the abnormal atmosphere of fraud and falsehood. For instance, Hwang Woo Suk, the top scientist of South Korea, published a series of paper in the journal of Science to claim his accomplishment in obtaining the stem cells from human embryos, which once greatly hit the scientific circle for the profound significance. However, this scientific result proved to be fabricated by Dr.Hwang. This event, to a great extent, contributes to form the trend of mendacious research in science and Dr.Hwang serves as a role model for other imitators. And the similar cases have incurred in other fields. Form the above issues, we can easily access to the conclusion that scandals serve as the passive impact for our society in most cases.

On the contrary, speakers and reformers always resort to a more peaceful and legal process to attract the attention of public instead of the destructive and shocked scandals. As for Martin Luther King, the leader devoted to eliminate the ethnical discrimination. He appealed the persuasive speech to call the attention of public to unequal treatment towards the black people and finally gained the success of promotion the equality for black people. Citing another case of Mahatma Gandhi, His philosophy of nonviolence and his passion for independence against the colonialism motivate the Indian at large to resist the English government at that time. These instances convince us that it is more practical to implement more sound measures to focus people’s attention on problems.

In sum, though scandals can attract our immediate attention on some hidden problems, there is a good chance that they bring negative effect at the same time which may to some extent overweigh their benefits. Contrarily, the ways resorted by speakers and reformers are more sound and rational to attract public attention and apt be accepted universally.


[ 本帖最后由 expire7 于 2007-7-5 22:51 编辑 ]

expire7UID: 2160574

seat taken

expire7UID: 2160574

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 613          TIME: 01:12:00          DATE: 2007-7-5 下午 04:36:35

Scandals, with the very definition--a public feeling of shock and strong moral disapproval, are definitely the negative outcomes of social and political evolution. Though they can be helpful for us to accentuate the potential problems of our society and thus encourage relative department（or other institutions） to deal with them, there is always the case that they bring negative impact for our lives, and can not be compared with the endeavor of speakers or reformers concerning the sound and peaceful process.（不错的开头）

Admittedly, scandals can serve to rise our instant attention to some hidden social and political problems that we could otherwise overlook and urge corresponding department to take actions to prevent the similar events, which function can not be taken by speakers and reformers in a short time. The "girlfriend gate" issue of the former World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz is a good case in point. He has unwarrantedly arranged the pay and promotion package for his girlfriend which brought him to be at the centre of a long and comprehensive controversy of public. And he had to suffer resignation as World Bank president as the consequence. In this case, global attention was called for the corruption and nepotism in business management--which may be ignored in our daily lives(or can not be attracted attention by little people voices). In addition, the board of World Bank later promised to lay more emphasis on the supervision on the process of business domination.  For that matter, we have to concede the positive effect of scandals to our society in some cases.(不错的一段，要挑骨头的话就是说偶尔考虑略微不周全了。)

However, the benefit of scandal mentioned above can not blind us to the far more destructive impact of them. After all they are the passive results of social development. As for the realm of politics, any scandals would do harm to the interests and rights of public and generate the distrust of public towards their government as the immediate and direct influence. Similarly, in reference to science field, the frequency of scandals may also contribute to the abnormal atmosphere of fraud and falsehood. For instance, Hwang Woo Suk, the top scientist of South Korea, published a series of paper in the journal of Science to claim his accomplishment in obtaining the stem cells from human embryos, which once greatly hit the scientific circle for the profound significance. However, this scientific result proved to be fabricated by Dr.Hwang. This event, to a great extent, contributes to form the trend of mendacious research in science and Dr.Hwang serves as a role model for other imitators. And the similar cases have incurred in other fields. Form the above issues, we can easily access to the conclusion that scandals serve as the passive impact for our society in most cases.（写得还是不错，不过对于丑闻的影响似乎讨论的过于表面。你这段的核心应该是讨论丑闻的坏处的影响远远大于其带来的正面影响。你这里只是用一句话form the trend of mendacious research in science and Dr.Hwang serves as a role model for other imitators。我个人觉得完全无法充分佐证你的观点。应该更引申一下。短期的，深远的。对于本人的，对于其他科研人员的，对于科学界的，对于整个韩国的影响。。。。。等等。）

On the contrary, speakers and reformers always resort to a more peaceful and legal process to attract the attention of public（into the issues or problems没有这个限定就完全离题了。吸引注意力还是吸引到重要社会现象和丑闻等问题上面？写作时候一定要配合题目。） instead of the destructive and shocked scandals. As for Martin Luther King, the leader devoted to eliminate （doing）the ethnical discrimination. He appealed the persuasive speech to call the attention of public to unequal treatment towards the black people and finally gained the success of promotion the equality for black people. Citing another case of Mahatma Gandhi, His philosophy of nonviolence and his passion for independence against the colonialism motivate the Indian at large to resist the English government at that time. These instances convince us that it is more practical to implement more sound measures to focus people’s attention on problems.(besides, through this method, there would be less bad effects.还是要照应你的整篇文章。)

In sum, though scandals can attract our immediate attention on some hidden problems, there is a good chance that they bring negative effect at the same time which may to some extent overweigh their benefits. Contrarily, the ways resorted by speakers and reformers are more sound and rational to attract public attention and apt be accepted universally.

不错的习作，略微有点毛病。继续加油。才3篇练习这个水平还是很不错的。

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

万分感激斑斑的指导！
在写第二三段的时候，其实心里很矛盾，所用的例子性质差不多，却非得鲜明得说明白好的一面和坏的一面，考虑不够深入，所以写得也很泛泛，论证很不充分，你提的建议很好，我会从那几方面下手丰富自己的例证
倒数第二段确实不太切题，和开头段所说的目的有些脱离了，我再回去好好改改
仔细读了遍，发现语言上还是显贫乏，很多指代也不清楚，接着练……

另外，这已经是我的第十篇Issue了，汗啊~~
:funk:
练！