argument53 【mettle作文小组】 第七次作业 by imagic80

imagic80UID: 2342633

The study is scientifically flawed and the conclusion of the study presented above has committed several logical errors.
Firstly, for an experiment to be accurate, it must be controlled, with a balance between the experimental and the control groups. In the above research, there is no contro group for result comparison studied alongside the group of 25 infants. Although the 25 infants showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, it is very likely that the control group which is comprehensively representive display the same reaction to the stimuli. This reaction does not caused by shyness but by instinct. If that is the case, the conclusion that the reaction to the stimuli is due to the special period of the year that they are conceived obviously does not stand. The same is true of the follow-up study on the teenagers, a control group is also absent.
Secondly, no information is given about the selection criteria and demographic makeup of the study group of 25 infants. Useful information that has to considered when selecting a group of testees that are representative are absent, such as their gender, race, age, nationality, family background, etc. Consequently, it can be argued that the group may not be representive enough for the conclusion to be drawn. Also, statistically, the group size of 25 infants might not be sufficient representing a random population. These faults also undermine the reliability of the result of the research.
Thirdly, what if we consider some important termiology in the argument? For example, what does “some brains” mean? Does it mean the brains of infants? Or does it mean the brains of mothers? And what the “functions” mean. Does it mean that increased level of melatonin before birth cause shyness or some other effect? No scientific researh results are cited here which is about the function or effect of the melatonin to human brains. The problem is that key terms in the argument are too vague to be meaningful.
Finally, even if the infants shyness is indeed influenced by the time they are conceived, it still isn’t conclusive whether it is because of melatonin. There could be some other hormones whose production level in the human body also fluctuates seasonally. Or it could be some external variables that are affected by seasonal change. For example, in winter, people generally tend to stay more in indoor environment and have less outdoor activities. The influence of seasonal changes on the diet of the pregnant mothers should also be factered in.
All in all, any legitimate experiment must be strictly controlled and include a broad cross-section of the population. Also, more different scenarios should be taken into account when drawing the conclusion.   

秋千UID: 2317735

你的动作太快了。。。等我分析完这个题目再来批改哈。。。

秋千UID: 2317735

The study is scientifically flawed and the conclusion of the study presented above has committed several logical errors.
（很简洁啊呵呵）
Firstly, for an experiment to be accurate, it must be controlled, with a balance between the experimental and the control groups. In the above research, there is no contro group for result comparison studied alongside the group of 25 infants. Although the 25 infants showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, it is very likely that the control group which is comprehensively representive display the same reaction to the stimuli. （大概看懂了，不过还是有些不清楚对照组与实验组主要的实验差别在哪里？是不是实验组是unfamiliar stimuli, 而对照组是普通的刺激？对照组是什么？上一句我理解的不太好。）This reaction does（改is） not caused by shyness but by instinct.（觉得这句话和上一句关联不大，有些突兀） If that is the case, the conclusion that the reaction to the stimuli is due to the special period of the year that they are conceived obviously does not stand. The same is true of the follow-up study on the teenagers, a control group is also absent.
似乎是说了两个问题，一是缺少对照组，一是婴儿的反应是一种反射而不是害羞。不知道你是不是把第二个问题也归结到第一个里面去了，还是他们之间有什么关系，我没看懂说实话。。。
Secondly, no information is given about the selection criteria and demographic makeup of the study group of 25 infants. Useful information that has to （be）considered when selecting a group of testees that are representative （不知道可否写成representative testees.觉得这句话从句太多，有些乱，没什么必要，而且后面的such as也离所指的information太远了）are absent, such as their gender, race, age, nationality, family background, etc. Consequently, it can be argued that the group may not be representive enough for the conclusion to be drawn. Also, statistically, the group size of 25 infants might not be sufficient representing a random population. These faults also undermine the reliability of the result of the research.

Thirdly, what if we consider some important termiology（terminology) in the argument? For example, what does “some brains” mean? Does it mean the brains of infants? Or does it mean the brains of mothers? And what the “functions” mean. Does it mean that increased level of melatonin before birth cause shyness or some other effect? No scientific researh results are cited here which is about the function or effect of the melatonin to human brains. The problem is that key terms in the argument are too vague to be meaningful.

Finally, even if the infants shyness is indeed influenced by the time they are conceived, it still isn’t conclusive whether it is because of melatonin. There could be some other hormones whose production level in the human body also fluctuates seasonally. Or it could be some external variables that are affected by seasonal change. For example, in winter, people generally tend to stay more in indoor environment and have less outdoor activities. The influence of seasonal changes on the diet of the pregnant mothers should also be factered in.(这段提的反例都很恰当，我都没想到)

All in all, any legitimate experiment must be strictly controlled and include a broad cross-section of the population. Also, more different scenarios should be taken into account when drawing the conclusion.   

我觉得问题不大，主要是在各个逻辑错误的组织上可以再加强一些。
批改的有不当之处，请包涵。

imagic80UID: 2342633

这篇是我尝试把范文和自己的东西融合，可能范文的东西太多，考试时很可能判雷同。呵呵。。

[ 本帖最后由 imagic80 于 2007-7-10 20:41 编辑 ]

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

The study is scientifically flawed and the conclusion of the study presented above has committed several logical errors.这样开头不太短吗？

Firstly, for an experiment to be accurate, it must be controlled, with a balance between the experimental and the control groups. In the above research, there is no contro group for result comparison studied alongside the group of 25 infants. Although the 25 infants showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, it is very likely that the control group which is comprehensively representive display the same reaction to the stimuli. This reaction does not caused by shyness but by instinct.这点写得很好，我就乱写一气，虽然想说的就是每个baby都可能这样，但是没点到关键，学习学习之 If that is the case, the conclusion that the reaction to the stimuli is due to the special period of the year that they are conceived obviously does not stand. The same is true of the follow-up study on the teenagers, a control group is also absent.

Secondly, no information is given about the selection criteria and demographic makeup of the study group of 25 infants. 如果只是看这一点的话，貌似和开头的那个差不多，反正都是说研究对象的问题，跟25个baby有关，上一段讲对照，这一段讲样品的选择，我觉得其实可以放在一起写。呵呵Useful information that has to considered when selecting a group of testees that are representative are absent, such as their gender, race, age, nationality, family background, etc. 这些选baby都要考虑也太夸张了吧，我觉得你可以说这些东西对于teenager的性格有影响，但是对于babay的研究，我觉得这些不重要哦，个人意见，呵呵Consequently, it can be argued that the group may not be representive enough for the conclusion to be drawn. Also, statistically, the group size of 25 infants might not be sufficient representing a random population. These faults also undermine the reliability of the result of the research.

Thirdly, what if we consider some important termiology in the argument? For example, what does “some brains” mean? Does it mean the brains of infants? Or does it mean the brains of mothers? And what does 去掉the the “functions” mean. Does it mean that increased level of melatonin before birth cause shyness or some other effect? No scientific researh results are cited here to show the function bla bla bla 后面的which从句可以不要which is about the function or effect of the melatonin to human brains. The problem is that key terms in the argument are too vague to be meaningful.

Finally, even if the infants shyness is indeed influenced by the time they are conceived, it still isn’t conclusive 这个地方感觉有点语法问题，但是不是很确定，再斟酌 whether it is because of melatonin. There could be some other hormones whose production level in the human body also fluctuates seasonally. Or it could be some external variables that are affected by seasonal change. For example, in winter, people generally tend to stay more in indoor environment and have less outdoor activities. The influence of seasonal changes on the diet of the pregnant mothers should also be factered in.

All in all, any legitimate experiment must be strictly controlled and include a broad cross-section of the population. Also, more different scenarios should be taken into account when drawing the conclusion.

感觉lz的开头结尾很简短，这样给了很多时间和笔墨充实body
但是虽然body有4段，但是感觉有点头重脚轻
而且貌似前两个说的都是关于study的问题
我觉得后面可以适当展开一点是不是能让结构均匀一些nie？

呵呵，一些小意见，如果不对请对指教
加油