[小邪作文小组]jessie作文贴

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

第二次练习
Task 1
The pie chart describes the difference between men and women in full-time and part-time job. The bar chart gives the difference between men and women in total weekly work time.
(Version 121)

The two charts offer a diverse look at the difference between men and women in both two work types and weekly work time.

The pie chart gives us a glance at the difference in full-time and part-time work between male and female. Men spend a great amount of time on their full-time jobs, whereas take a little time perhaps less than 10% of total time to do their part-time jobs. In contrast, women spend time on full-time jobs almost equal to part-time jobs, just a little more time taking on full-time jobs.

The bar chart gives us the total work time between male and female. Compared female’s work time with male’s work time under 25 years old, women spend much more time on work, while contrarily from age 25 to 45 men take more time on work due to most of the men spend their time on full-time jobs. There is a substantial rise in work hours from age under 5 to 35 between male and female, the weekly work time less than 10% for both of them under age 5, 25% for men and a little more than 30% for female from age 5 to 15, for both of them more than 30% from age 15 to 25 and more than 40% from age 25 to 35 respectively. The weekly work time for both of them reaches a peak from age 25 to 35. Thereafter, there is a decline to less than 40% but still more than 30% in total work time between them.

From these figures, we can see that work types somewhat has an influence on weekly time. Although there is a great difference between men and women in part-time and full-time job, it is easily to see that the age from 25 to 15 is the golden age for work.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

第一次练习
Task 1: The graph show the GDP growth in the United States, Japan and the rest of Asia between 1995 and 2001.
(From Version 94)

The graph shows us the GDP growth in the United States, Japan and the rest of Asia between 1995 and 2001.

The GDP growth in Japan began at 3% in the mid 1994, which was the lowest rate of the three areas. Then the rate increased steadily over the next 2 years to 7%. Thereafter, there was a stable decline to 4% in 1998, prior to a slight rise to 7% in 2001 the same level as 1999.

There was an upward trend of the GDP rate in the United States beginning at 4% from 1994 to the mid 1999. The rate in the mid 1999 reached a peak(10%), followed by a lightly decrease to 9% in 2001.

Compared with the other two lines, the GDP rate in the rest of Asia was the highest in 1994(9%). Between 1995 and 1996, it dropped gradually to 8%, then continuing to decline from 1997 to 1999. The rate in 1999 was the lowest of the three(4%). It then increased sharply to 10% in 2001, which was the highest rate during that period.   

From GDP rate in the line graph, we can see that taking one with another the GDP rate of the three areas finally increased compared with the beginning year, although there was a fluctuation from 1995 to 2001 and a slender decline in the United Stated after 1999.

[ 本帖最后由 jessie_deng 于 2007-7-23 14:04 编辑 ]

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

2007.7.15第二次练习
Task 2

Some people believe that the use of animals for experimentation purposes is cruel. However, others think it is necessary for the development of science. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
(2006.5.27)

Nowadays, there is a hot debate on whether to use animals for experimentation purposes. Opponents of animal research point that animal testing is cruel, while others hold the opinion that it would be necessary for the development of science depending on the advantages of animal testing. In some cases it would be somewhat inhumane to use animals for experimentation, but I think animal testing is needed only in the medical research for the reason that high-tech cannot help human being alternate methods of testing. It is much more cruel to test new drugs on human being.

First of all, animal testing in medical research benefits scientists even all mankind a lot. Scientists test new drugs only on these small animals such as rabbits, monkeys or fishes that are raised in laboratory for experimentation purposes rather than test these drugs on those endangered animals or wild ones. This testing allows them to have an idea about whether the new drugs produce effects or adverse effects so as to reduce the number of human death resulting from the use of unknown drugs. Even though opponents claim that animal testing is ineffective, they still benefits from these kinds of new drugs when they suffer from diseases. High-tech nowadays cannot help us change the way to test the new drugs. Thus, animal testing always plays an important role for the development of medicine.

Secondly, I think animal testing is not really cruel as opponents imagine. Scientists treat these experimented animals well. They recognize them as the family members of themselves. When scientists start with animal testing, they will pet animals in order to comfort them as well as carefully reduce their anxiety and stress. Using animals for medical research is not the same as animal cruelty. Small raised animals live well in the laboratory. The feather or fur of experimented animals is not used to make clothes. Scientists always keep them as their companions.

If animal testing is used in other fields such as military field, I am against this kind of experimentation. It is unacceptable to test chemical and biological weapon on animals. Human should prevent military cruelty of animals. Nuclear weapon is forbidden on human being. Why to test it on animals? Animal testing in this way is cruel for them.

As above mentioned, testing on animals is necessary just for the development of medical science. Taking their contribution in the medical research into consideration, we all appreciate what they’ve brought to us. However, I will vote against the experiments on animals in other fields.
______________________________________________________________________________________

第一次练习
Task 2:
Earlier technological development brought to more benefits and changed the life of ordinary people than the recent technological development ever will. To what extent, do you Agree or Disagree?
(06.7.29 考试题目)

It’s no doubt that the earlier technological development brought us some benefits and changed the life of ordinary people indeed. If there was no technological development in earlier times, we would live in original tribes or some stone houses as our ancestors without modern facilities, such as the invention of light and telephone. However, the recent technological development still plays an important role in the promotion of flourishing modern civilization. As far as I am concerned, our human beings all benefit a lot from the earlier and recent technological development.  

One of the most important things people need to consider is that without the development of technology in earlier times, nowadays our human beings have still been living in the primitive society where men till the land and women weave cloth by hand. Without the earlier technological development there would be no ear known as the period of industrial revolution. It is true that ordinary people’s lives had been changed by the earlier technological development and it helped the whole world turn over a new leaf. Earlier technology brought us benefits, for example, industrial automation helped people work efficiently, the invention of light and telephone brought us the new lighting equipment and communication tool, and automobiles & airplanes developed the traffic transport industry. Moreover, recently the products of electronic and information age are related to the invention of former ages.

The other thing still shouldn’t be ignored is that the recent technological development offers us conveniences. It’s easy to think out that with the help of recent high-tech most of the impossible things become possible. We can predict precisely with the help of computer when the earthquake will happen so that the government and local people are able to take measures avoiding disaster, while by the satellite communications we can know what the people living in the other side of earth are doing. From now on complex calculation is simple, business online is flourishing, and even whether criminals lie or not can be detected by the lie detector. Our living environment is better now owning to the development of recent technology.

To sum up the above mentioned, I do believe that the earlier technology promoted the industrial development while the recent technology still plays the key role in people’s lives helping us live better and better. It is untrue to think a lot in which period we benefit more. Each period of technological development plays the same important part in society.

[ 本帖最后由 jessie_deng 于 2007-7-23 14:36 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

占楼，下载下来修改;)

vlcbUID: 2132650

估计新手不能发附件。我只好发到你邮箱里了。请接收

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

多发些贴子就可以发附件了，谢谢修改哦

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

建议以后修改的文章直接贴回帖里就好。


jessie写得真好啊

工作的人果然思路比较接近~哈~都有light和telephone~~

forbeckUID: 2297645

task1我觉得写得很好，尤其是切入点，所以最后一段的总结，我觉得特别好，学习ing。。。。:loveliness:

task2正在学习中

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

It's no doubt that (我觉得这样说欠妥，过于绝对了。新东方的老师也说，这样的句子应当避免)the earlier technological development brought us some benefits and changed the life of ordinary people indeed. If there was no technological development in earlier times, we would live in original tribes or some stone houses without modern facilities such as the (invention of删掉) light and telephone, as our ancestors did.The recent technological development,however(我被一个加拿大长大的小孩建议，说however最好不要放在句首，碰上语法特别严格的会认为这样写不严谨), also(still没有“也”的意思，我觉得逻辑上不顺) an important role in the promotion of flourishing modern civilization. As far as I am concerned, (our删掉) human being(不应该有s) (all删除) benefits a lot from both the earlier and recent technological development.   

One of the most important things people need to consider is that without the development of technology in earlier times, nowadays (our删掉) human being(不应该有s) would still be living in the primitive society in which men cultivate and women weave(整句结构有点问题，但我改不出来，读起来很别扭). Without(连续两句都有without) the earlier technological development there would be no ear known as the period of industrial revolution. It is true that ordinary people's lives had been changed(应该用过去完成时？觉得别扭) by the earlier technological development and it(我觉的这种情况下最好单断一句或者说清楚是什么，这个it指代不明确) helped the whole world turn over a new leaf. Earlier technology brought us benefits, for example, (for example后面不能这么就加句子了吧？前面的句子已经成分完整了)industrial automation helped people work efficiently, the invention of light and telephone brought us the new lighting equipment and communication tool, and automobiles & airplanes developed the traffic transport industry.(我觉得整句都是这个问题，没有连接词，不能这样在一个句子里出现这么多谓语) Moreover, recently the products of electronic and information age(information age 用在这里很怪) are related to the invention of former ages.

Another(从整体来看，所说的这个事情并不是两件中的一件，所以改成another) thing may not(shouldn't过于肯定，不严谨) be ignored is that the recent technological development offers us conveniences. It is(ielts写作不能用缩写) easy to think out that with the help of recent high-tech most(most的涵盖量是不是太大了一点？) of the impossible things become possible.(这个句子很奇怪，读起来别扭) We can predict the time period when the earthquake would happen in a more precise way with the help of computer. As a result, the government and local citizens are able to manage to reduce loss(我觉得改成降低损失比较好). While by the satellite communications we can know what the people living in the other side of earth are doing(我觉得这句话很奇怪。。). From now on complex calculation is simple, business online is flourishing, and even whether criminals lie or not can be detected by the lie detector.(这样的排比用分号会不会比较好？反正是不能用逗号。。看看我的标点帖子吧) Our living environment is better now due to the development of recent technology.

To sum up the above mentioned, I do believe that the earlier technology promoted the industrial development while the recent technology (still删掉吧) plays the key role in people's lives helping us to live better and better. It is untrue(太绝对) to think a lot in which period(前面没有区分period这里这么说就很逻辑不清) we get more benefit(前面的benefit用的是复数，建议前后统一). Each period of technological development plays the same important part in society.

我觉得整体逻辑不是很清晰。前面说earlier technology改变了人类生活，而且recent technology是在earlier technology的基础上发展而成。这样很容易让人觉得，往下就要说，earlier technology benefits more. 但下一段却在说recent technology带给我们的益处。我觉得中间缺乏必要的转折。或者说第二段写的过于绝对。

整体来说，逻辑上的问题大于语言问题。

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

改得真仔细哇，下下来好好读一下

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

第二次的作业偶也交了,好像超字了,task 1仿佛废话及多，大家狠批

vlcbUID: 2132650

修改的结果我明天发上来

forbeckUID: 2297645

Task 1: The graph show the GDP growth in the United States, Japan and the rest of Asia between 1995 and 2001.
(From Version 94)

The graph shows us the GDP growth in the United States, Japan and the rest of Asia between 1995 and 2001.

The GDP growth in Japan began at 3% in the mid 1994, which was the lowest rate of the three areas. Then the rate increased steadily over the next 2 years to 7%. Thereafter, there was a stable decline to 4% in 1998, prior to a slight rise to 7% in 2001 the same level as 1999.

There was an upward trend of the GDP rate in the United States, beginning at 4% from 1994 to approximately 10% in the mid 1999(. The rate in the mid 1999 reached a peak(10%), 我觉得这句删了，会不会更简洁些？)followed by a lightly decrease to 9% in 2001.

Compared with the other two lines, the GDP rate in the rest of Asia was the highest in 1994(9%). Between 1995 and 1996, it dropped gradually to 8%, then continuing(continued) to decline from 1997 to 1999. The rate in 1999 was the lowest of the three(4%). It then increased sharply to 10% in 2001, which was the highest rate during that period.   

From GDP rate in the line graph, we can see that taking one with another the GDP rate of the three areas finally increased compared with the beginning year, although there was a fluctuation from 1995 to 2001 and a slender decline in the United Stated after 1999.

要继续和jessie学习task1的写作，很清晰的思路，很简洁的语言：）

forbeckUID: 2297645

Task 2:
Earlier technological development brought to more benefits and changed the life of ordinary people than the recent technological development ever will. To what extent, do you Agree or Disagree?
(06.7.29 考试题目)

It’s（It is鸭子考试不能缩写） no doubt that the earlier technology development  brought us some benefits and changed the life of ordinary people indeed. If there was no technological development in earlier times, we would live in original tribes or some stone houses as our ancestors without modern facilities, such as the invention of light and telephone. However, the recent technological development still plays an important role in the promotion of flourishing modern civilization. As far as I am concerned, our human beings all（删除，do on 看后面） benefit a lot from （然后，在这加上一个both?）the earlier and recent technological development.  

One of the most important things people need to consider is that without the development of technology in earlier times, nowadays our human beings have still been living（to still live总觉得那样写体现不出无奈和被迫那种感觉） in the primitive society where men till the land and women weave cloth by hand. Without the earlier technological development there would be no ear known as the period of industrial revolution. It is true that ordinary people’s lives had been changed by the earlier technological development and it helped the whole world turn over a new leaf. Earlier technology brought us benefits, for example, industrial automation helped people work efficiently, the invention of light and telephone brought us the new lighting equipment and communication tool, and automobiles & airplanes developed the traffic transport industry. Moreover, recently the products of electronic and information age are related to the invention of former ages.
（我觉得在后面一段的开头加上一个过渡句会比较好）
The other thing still shouldn’t be ignored is that the recent technological development offers us conveniences. It’s easy to think out that with the help of recent high-tech most of the impossible things become possible. We can predict precisely with the help of computer when the earthquake will happen so that the government and local people are able to take measures avoiding disaster, while by the satellite communications we can know what the people living in the other side of earth are doing（能不能变换一下顺序，看着有点别扭）. From now on complex calculation is simple, business online is flourishing, and even whether criminals lie or not can be detected by the lie detector. Our living environment is better now owning to the development of recent technology.

To sum up the above mentioned, I do believe that the earlier technology promoted the industrial development while the recent technology still plays the key role in the industrial development ，while the recent technology still plays the key role in people’s lives helping us live better and better. It is untrue to think a lot in which period we benefit more. Each period of technological development plays the same important part in society.
就是觉得看到还剩最后一段的时候，还不是很清楚文章是支持哪个观点，直到最后一句话~~

vlcbUID: 2132650

Task 1
The two charts offer a diverse look at the difference between men and women in both two work types and weekly work time.

The pie chart gives us a glance at the difference in full-time and part-time work between male and female. Men spend a great amount of time on their full-time jobslcb1] , whereas take a little time perhaps less than 10% of total time to do their part-time jobs. In contrast, women spend time on full-time jobs almost equal to part-time jobs, just a little more time taking on full-time jobs.

The bar chart gives[lcb2] us the total work time between male and female. Compared female’s work time with male’s work time under 25 years old, women spend much more time on work, while contrarily from age 25 to 45 men take more time on work due to most of the men spend their time on full-time jobs. There is a substantial rise in work hours from age under 5 to 35 between male and female, the weekly work time less than 10% for both of them under age 5, 25% for men and a little more than 30% for female from age 5 to 15, for both of them more than 30% from age 15 to 25 and more than 40% from age 25 to 35 respectively. The weekly work time for both of them reaches a peak from age 25 to 35. Thereafter, there is a decline to less than 40% but still more than 30% in total work time between them.

From these figures, we can see that work types somewhat has an influence on weekly[lcb3] time. Although there is a great difference between men and women in part-time and full-time job, it is easily[lcb4] to see that the age from 25 to 15 is the golden age for work.

注：你对柱图的理解有错，它的横坐标是工作时间，纵坐标是该段时间内的人数。可能是图的标注不清晰。

[lcb1]表达不准确？全职工作固定要花一定时间。
[lcb2]感觉口语化
[lcb3]Work？
[lcb4]Easy？

Nowadays, there is a hot debate on whether to use animals for experimentation purposes. Opponents of animal research point that animal testing is cruel, while others hold the opinion that it would be necessary for the development of science depending on the advantages of animal testing. In some cases it would be somewhat inhumane to use animals for experimentation, but I think animal testing is needed only in the medical research for the reason that high-tech cannot help human being alternate methods of testing. It is much more cruel to test new drugs on human being.

First of all, animal testing in medical research benefits scientists even all mankind a lot. Scientists test new drugs only on these small animals such as rabbits, monkeys or fishes that are raised in laboratory for experimentation purposes rather than test these drugs on those endangered animals or wild oneslcb5] This testing allows them to have an idea about whether the new drugs produce effects or adverse effects so as to reduce the number of human death resulting from the use of unknown drugs. Even though opponents claim that animal testing is ineffective[lcb6] , they still benefits from these kinds of new drugs when they suffer from diseases. High-tech nowadays cannot help us change the way to test the new drugs. Thus, animal testing always plays an important role for the development of medicine.

Secondly, I think animal testing is not really cruel as opponents imagine. Scientists treat these experimented animals well. They recognize them as the family members of themselves. When scientists start with[lcb7] animal testing, they will pet animals in order to comfort them as well as carefully reduce their anxiety and stress.[lcb8] Using animals for medical research is not the same as animal cruelty. Small raised animals live well in the laboratory. The feather or fur of experimented animals is not used to make clothes. Scientists always keep them[lcb9] as their companions[lcb10] .

If animal testing is used in other fields such as military field, I am against this kind of experimentation. It is unacceptable to test chemical and biological weapon on animals. Human should prevent military cruelty of animals.[lcb11] Nuclear weapon is forbidden on human being. Why to test it on animals? Animal testing in this way is cruel for them.

As above mentioned[lcb12] , testing on animals is necessary just for the development of medical science. Taking their[lcb13] contribution in the medical research into consideration, we all appreciate what they’ve brought to us. However, I will vote against the experiments on animals in other fields.

点评：感觉缺少连词，逻辑不清。但是语法等错误很少。加油哦
[lcb5]跟cruel没有关系
[lcb6]偏了
[lcb7]去掉
[lcb8]加上连词？
[lcb9]动物还是其皮毛？
[lcb10]感觉本段很乱
[lcb11]换个表达： Human should prevent the cruelty animal test for military purposes
[lcb12]交换
[lcb13]Its？

[ 本帖最后由 vlcb 于 2007-7-25 23:33 编辑 ]