|
argument26 提纲：
1． 普通音乐课的指导问题本来是否有人指导，是否的确需要有人去做这件事。已经有的人也许比Mr. Charles Schade做得更好。因此这个前提也就不一定成立。
2．学校的成绩是因为Mr.Schade而取得的问题不知钢铁中学原来的音乐教育情况。Mr.Schade是否使这一点更好了。学校的乐队在五年前的成绩怎样，也许拿过更多的地区奖，Mr.Schade 来了反而使成绩下滑。成绩的取得也许是因为乐手们更努力了，他们自身水平提高导致整体的提高。
3． Mr.Schade在钢铁中学的成功，而建议让他去指导整个学校的普通教育题。但是这是两个不同性质的工作，钢铁中学的工作是具体，和细节的，而整个学校系统的普通音乐教育的设计与指导更需要宏观的把握，以及各方面的协调能力。也许Mr.Schade更本就没这种能力。
WORDS: 477
In the author's argument, he draws the conclusion that Steel City High should hire Mr.Schade
to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system
for his successes of leading the school band to win three regional band competitions and the
quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly. Based
on some dubious evidence and unfounded assumption, I am suspicious of his claim for several main
mistakes.
First of all, the author gives out the proposal based on the assumption that there is nobody to
direct the entire Saluda school system's programs .Perhaps the person now at work is so competent of（at） his job that the school do not need anyone else to direct it .Even if there is a vacancy in this job, it does not mean that it is necessary to hire a new one since the original program may be very effective and useful. The view mentioned above ,if ture,will surly(surely) undermine the foundation of the author's argument.
Besides the(there) is little causal relation between the successes the school band and Mr.Charles(应该是Mr. Schade吧)
capicity. Perhaps the Schade school band had won more regional band led by the old director
before the past five years. So, Mr.Charles Schade may be a poor director than before.The success
of the school band can be attributed to many other reasons. There is a chance that the whole
level of the player rose up by their own hard working during the past five years which resulted
in the successes. It is also possible that the school gave more money to improve the quality of
the musical instruments or the band's experience at stage is enough for them to win more competitions
after a long time before the period of the last five years. Without ruling out the possibilities
mentioned above, I am still specious about the author's conclusion that the school band's successes
is（are） due to Mr.Charles SChade's ability.
Thirdly, there is a illogical analogy between the job of the director and the the job of planning
and directing the general music education programs. The former ones packed with detailed things which
need patience and caution, however, the latter one need a macroscopical study of the whole programs
which need more knowledge about situation about the faculties ,the students and the whole education.
Perhaps, Mr.Charles Schade has no idea of the latter one. Thus ,it is too hurry(hasty 也不错) for the author to make
his conclusion that the school should hire Mr.Charles Schade to plan and direct the general music
education programs for the entire Saluda school system.
To sum up, I can come to the conclusion safely that the author's argument is unfounded and unconvincing.
If we want to make the conclusion more cogent ,we should at least have more information about the
differences between the two jobs ,the real reason for the school band 'successes during the past five
years and more detailed things about the entire Saluda school system.
主要逻辑错误都找到了还可以加上即使需要而且他水平也足以胜任但可能还有其他合适人选语言上只有一些小的拼写错误感觉语言比我的丰富多了
TOPIC: ISSUE120 - "So much is new and complex today that looking back for an
understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present."
提纲：
1．我们要适应复杂与崭新的今天。
科技的发展，社会的复杂化，世界关系的多元化
引出我们应该回顾历史。
2．回顾过去有助于我们少犯历史的错误。
环境问题 过度自由化的市场经济
3．回顾过去有利于我们新观点的产生。
历史上的新发现，新观点都来自于对前人的总结
我们学习过去的知识就是为了产生新观点，新想法。
4．不沉迷历史：可举例子：德国二战后的崛起
WORDS: 528 DATE: 2007-7-21 上午 11:07:50
In the author's view ,he claims that it is unnecessary to look back for an understanding
of the past for it provdes little guildance（guidance） for living in the face of the new and complex
world today.In my oponion, it is a complex problem which need(s) a further analysis.
First of all,we should be accustomed to the new and complex world today.With the economic
globalization ,more new techonologies are put forward everyday,the society becomes more
complex graudually and the world's relationship shows diversified development.In order to
adapt to the situation above,we must keep trace of the pulse of the times or we will fall
behind it.One of the best way(s) is to look back for an understanding of the past.
Secondly,To look back for an understanding of the past is benefical to making
fewer mistakes which was occured in history many times.One of the most emergent
problems we faces today is the environmental problems such as the desertation of
the grassland ,the greenhouse phenomenon and the deforestation in big scale.All
that serious problems are attributed to our own mistaken deeds.The history shows
us that the tragedy of the London Fog Event ,the Japan Sprague disease incident
Even the once brilliant Mayan civilization was ruined by the environmental problems.
The history also shows that the excessive free marcket economy resulted in the World
economic crisis in 1929 which did a big(也可以用huge damage) harm to the western countries.So,in order to
prevent the same mistakes from happenning again,we must learn from the history.
Thirdly ,it is useful for us to understand the past because our new ideas often comes from
the understanding of the past.As Newton says, If I can see a bit farther, it is because I
was standing on the shoulders of giants.An new invention or theory often grows out from the
foreruuners ,especically in the scientific field.The history shows us that Einstein's
relative theory was based on the Non-Euclidean Geometry put up by Lobachevsky ,Kepler's Law
of Motion three planets was resulted from 30 years of careful observation of planets by(写漏了 others?)
.we students has(have) learned knowledge for nearly 15 years which is most old but fundamental
knowledge.only through the knowledge existed for many years can we give out our new ideas
and inspirations.
Last but not least,It is bad for us to be obessive with the history so that we are trapped
in history.All the countries were astounished by the economic rise of German after the World
War Two.The German not only do not forget(读的别扭 remember) the terrible mistake they made in the War but also
learn from history so that they made the great progress in economy.
To sum up,I prefer to look back for an understanding of the past.Only through the learning
from the history can we have a better study of the new and complex society and build our
modern world more stronger amd more healthier.
整个思路挺好的最后一个不要沉迷于历史想的不错但例子的意思就是从历史中吸取教训和第二个一样了换个说法就可以了 | 
GO
发表于 2007-7-18 16:02:49
0
转发
