issue70 我的第一次作文，大家拍吧，越狠越好

DreamingPOUID: 2299480

Issue(70).
"In any profession-business, politics,education, government-those in power should step
down after five years. The surest path tosuccess for any enterprise is revitalization through new
leadership."
在任何领域中－商业、政治、教育、政府－掌权者应该在五年后就让位。这是任何机构获得
成功的最好的方式：通过更新领导者而保持活力。

提纲：反对
（1）更新领导者是保持机构活力的很好方式，腐败问题
（2）但通过五年一次更新领导者的方式也存在弊端，五年过于频繁，经验的积累到五年的时候可能刚刚处于顶峰时期，
（3）保持机构活力的最好方式应该是采用有效的管理方法，使得每个成员都具有活力，更有效率，
Is employing new leadership the surest wayto revitalize an enterprise, as the speaker maintains? In my opinion, theanswer is no. Although refreshing employee every five years, especially theleadership, can inject some energy into an enterprise, the drawback ofover-frequently renewing is obvious too. It is essential for a company, but notthe best.

Employing new leadership plays aconsiderable part in any profession in order to avoid corruption and keeprevitalization. Several companies have eaten their own bitter fruits because ofneglecting the ponderance of this question. Take a famous case, Enron, an oilmagnate, for example. In 2001, one of the biggest scandals is the fraudulentaccounting techniques from Enron. Many people may focus on the debate betweenlong-term benefit and short-term benefit educed by this scandal. However, ifpeople look a little more deeply into the case, they will find that one of thecauses of this case should be in the power level of the company. It is a kindof corruption. The leader, who had already been in his position for more than10 years, was arrested after the exposal of the scandal. So, the case can givepeople a conclusion, that is without refreshing the leader, an enterprise wouldemerge corruption easily because the leaders always believe themselves cansettle down everything even those illegal.

However, on the other hand, for a leader,stepping down after five years from the beginning of appointing is over-frequenting.In the field of education, for instance, five years may be the best preparativetime for a leader. At the beginning of the position, he/she should take a longtime to familiar with the particular circumstance or situation of the fieldincluding gathering information, communicating with colleague and forming theunique approach of management. All of such work may cost the leader a longtime, even nearly five years. If he/she steps down at that critical time, itwould be a huge loss both for him/her and company. The leader has not enoughtime to push his/her new policy, and for the company, it will get nothing butwasting time and money. The out-put which is less weighted than the input isthe last thing a company wants to get. So, revitalization is necessary for anenterprise, but the over-frequenting changing of leadership is harmful.

It brings another question that is how torun an enterprise very well? How to keep a company more efficient? Besidesrefreshing the leadership, people have many other methods to choose. Looking atthe Haier, a top-500 company in the world, people will find some solutionuseful. At the beginning of foundation, Haier was only a small firm with lessthan 20 employees working in it, and the operating field was so limited thatonly contained mending the accessory. 20 years has passed, Haier becomes one ofthe largest companies in china. Without changing the leadership, Haier stillcan keep its revitalization all the time. Why? That is because it introducesthe latest management model into the company. It is a chain of effectivemethods which can make its workers doing their jobs with passion andefficiency. Better well-being, short work-time, but high efficiency are all thethings both workers and company longing for.

In sum, it is that a good path to successfor enterprise is revitalization though new leadership, but not the surest. Theover-frequenting refreshing would bring some serious problems. Companies shouldseek other paths to achieve its goal of high efficiency and revitalization likeadapting new method to manage the company.

[ 本帖最后由 DreamingPO 于 2007-7-18 18:13 编辑 ]

DreamingPOUID: 2299480

给点意见呀:o

AutobotsUID: 2364368

蓝色去掉红色加，建议放在括号中
Is employing new leadership the surest way to revitalize an enterprise, as the speaker maintains? In my opinion, the answer is no. Although refreshing employee every five years, especially the leadership, can inject some energy into an enterprise, the drawbacks of over-frequently renewing are obvious too. It is essential for a company, but not the best.

Employing new leadership plays a considerable part in any profession in order to avoid corruption and keep revitalization. Several companies have eaten their own bitter fruits because of neglecting the ponderance of this question. （漂亮句子！）Take a famous case, Enron, an oil magnate, for example.（嘿哥们，这不是完整句子，别用句号） In 2001, one of the biggest scandals is the fraudulent accounting techniques from Enron. Many people may focus on the debate between long-term benefit and short-term benefit educed by this scandal. However, if people look a little more deeply into the case, they will find that one of the causes of this case should be in the power level of the company. It is a kind of corruption. The leader, who had already been in his position for more than10 years, was arrested after the exposal of the scandal. So, the case can give people a conclusion, that is without refreshing the leader, an enterprise would emerge corruption easily because the leaders always believe themselves that they can settle down everything even thoseillegal(illegal是形容词…). （最后一句表述不太自然，如case..give..conclusion; enterprise would emerge corruption;可以改一下吗?）（本段节奏很好，句法长短搭配，但是例子描述方式不够紧凑切题，可否把leader如何因为在位时间过长导致权力扩张和腐败展开？讨论特例中的普遍性会比就事论事更有说服力。例子我没改语言，因为我觉得你还可以把例子写更好）

However, on the other hand, for a leader, stepping down after five years from the beginning of appointing is over-frequenting. In the field of education, for instance, five years may be the best preparative time（不太好改，我能理解中文意思，但是把准备做五年有些夸张，我猜你是想表达很久才能达到巅峰状态，最好换一下词） for a leader. At the beginning of the position, he/she should take a longtime to be familiar with the particular circumstance or situation of the field including gathering information, communicating with colleague and forming the unique approach of management（最后一点最好！有说服力）. All of such work may cost the leader a longtime, even nearly five years. If he/she steps down at that critical time, it would be a huge loss both for him/her and the company(嘿，你刚才说是学校吗？怎么…呵呵). The leader has not enough time to push his/her new policy, and for the company, it will get nothing but （这里应该接sth.比如loss）wasting time and money. The out-put which is less weighted than the input is the last thing a company wants to get. So, revitalization is necessary for an enterprise, but the over-frequenting changing of leadership is harmful.（总之，刨去小毛病，本段举例论述很丰满！赞！）

It brings another question that is how to run an enterprise very well? How to keep a company more efficient? (keep是保持more是改变，这样搭不太好)Besides refreshing the leadership, people have many other methods to choose. Looking at the Haier, a top-500 company in the world, people will find some solutions useful. At the beginning of foundation, Haier was only a small firm with less than 20 employees working in it, and the operating field（是想说操作间，还是业务范围？如果说业务范围小最好不要这样表达，读者会歧义） was so limited that it only contained mending the accessory. 20 years has passed, Haier becomes one ofthe largest companies in china. Without changing the leadership, Haier still can keep its revitalization all the time. Why? That is because it introduces the latest management model into the company. It is a chain of effective methods which can make its workers doing their jobs with passion and efficiency. Better well-being, short work-time, but high efficiency are all the things both workers and company longing for.

In sum, it is that a good path to success for enterprise is revitalization though new leadership, but not the surest.(不好意思，此句费解了，似有误) Theover-frequenting refreshing would bring some serious problems. Companies should seek other paths to achieve its goal of high efficiency and revitalization like adapting new method to manage the company.

点评：句法不错，论点好，但用词要注意，英文和中文思维很不一样的，有时候汉语对应翻过去意思误差很大，呵。还有就是希望加强逻辑联系，举例时争取简洁明确，在特殊事例中找一般规律。最后，能让段与段之间的过渡更和谐就好了，同学加油！你很棒！

[ 本帖最后由 Autobots 于 2007-7-19 16:05 编辑 ]