Issue130 儿童社会化与社会命运 by Iris0907 大家用力拍

Iris0907UID: 2332406

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 696                    DATE: 2007-7-19 10:24:22

提纲：
观点：同意孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运。但是，人们已经学会了怎样去培养孩子去更好的建设未来社会。
1．社会化的概念，社会化给儿童带来了什么，又是如何去影响社会命运的。
2．社会化对于塑造统一的民族特性的作用，例子德国和美国的对比，又是如何影响社会发展的。
3．我们已经有很好的方法来教育儿童了，尤其是在培养社会化方面。分别从父母，学校老师和社区三个角度讲。
4．从社会的发展来看，我们已经学会教育孩子去建设更好的社会了。当然也不能否认，教育中仍存在一些问题，比如青少年犯罪。

I agree with the speaker’s first claim that the society’s destiny hinges on how children are socialized while disagree with the second claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better society for the reasons discussed below.

To begin with, I ask myself a question: "what is socialization?" In my point of view, human infants are born without any culture, so they must be transformed by their parents, teachers and others into social and cultural animals. Therefore the general process of acquiring culture is referred to as socialization. Through socialization, children learn what the acceptable and unacceptable behaviors of our society are and regulate their behaviors to the norms of society. Through socialization, children learn how to interact with their peers and at the same time they acquire the heightened capacities of judgment, reasoning, social understanding, emotion management and self-awareness. Through socialization, children seek for the right positions of themselves in the society and realize their future multiple roles and relationships besides those of the family. All of these help children grow up to be a self-esteemed, reasonable and tolerant people who potentially make contributions to a society at least they cannot do a disservice to the society. As a consequence, successful socialization helps bring about a better society as the speaker maintains.

Successful socialization can also be conducive to cultivation of the uniform characteristics of nations which play a crucial role in boosting the development of the society. Through socialization, children accept the specific beliefs of their culture and shape the distinct characteristics of a nation which is totally different compared to that of other nations. And the uniformity of common personality is of great significance to determine the destiny of society. For instance, when we refer to common personality of nations, Germans are precise and conservative while Americans are more open-minded and individualistic. These figures have a profoundly impact on the development and progress of the two countries to some extent. Preciseness and conservativeness help to bring up many famous philosophers and thinkers such as Hegel and Karl Marx. And these figures also deeply influence the ideas of their enterprises which place emphasis on the qualities of their products. As it turns out, many famous corporations in the world are German's such as BMW and so forth. While the open-mindedness and individuality of Americans help to bring up people to formulate their distinct opinions which are conducive to the nurture of creativity. Therefore today's USA can dominate the realm of the economy, technology and so forth.

Fortunately, our society has learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society especially in the aspect of socialization. On the parental level, parents send children to kindergartens and encourage them to interact with their peers. Moreover, when children grow up into adolescence later, parents encourage them to contact with society in the forms of taking part-time jobs such as sending newspapers and washing cars in the communities. At the same time, on the school level, schools and teachers also play an important part in cultivating the social awareness of children. Understanding society, experiencing various occupations as well as accumulating social working experiences are the consistent and important contents of American school education. Some schools carry out activities such as "Occupations Day" every month to invite various professions of people in society to introduce their work to children. And the important things children learn are how to survive in society. On the community level, society also exerts to create a benign and healthy environment in which they cultivate and nurture the capacities of children to adapt society.

Today's education is moving toward a more scientific and systematic direction as the empirical evidence shows. And we are sure that we have capacities to raise children who can help bring about a better society although there are still some problems existing in education such as juvenile delinquency and so forth.

To sum up, socialization is the key determinant that hinges on the destiny of society. At the same time, we have found scientific and systematic ways especially in the respect of cultivating children’s socialization to raise them who can better society.

Iris0907UID: 2332406

写得不顺手,限时没成功.感觉段落之间衔接过渡也不好.自己稍微改了一下,大家用力拍

pippo1983UID: 172110

I agree with the speaker’s first claim that the society’s destiny hinges on how children are socialized while disagree with the second claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better society for the reasons discussed below.

To begin with, I ask myself a question（太口语化了，aw应尽量避免第一人称，we need to settle down a question）: "what is socialization?" In my point of view, human infants are born without any culture, so they must be transformed by their parents, teachers and others into social and cultural animals. Therefore the general process of acquiring culture is referred to as socialization. （这里把社会化定义为文化范畴是不是太狭隘了，而且你后面明显不是限于文化）Through socialization, children learn what the acceptable and unacceptable behaviors of our society are and regulate their behaviors to the norms of society.（其实这句作为定义更合适） Through socialization, children learn how to interact with their peers and at the same time they acquire the heightened capacities of judgment, reasoning, social understanding, emotion management and self-awareness. Through socialization, children seek for the right positions of themselves in the society and realize their future multiple roles and relationships besides those of the family. All of these help children grow up to be a self-esteemed, reasonable and tolerant （generous？这个词觉得不太好~你是想说大度么？）people who potentially （这个词用在这里有点别扭，直接can就好了，为什么还要潜在地。。。。）make contributions to a society at least they cannot （will not？这里不是有没有能力的问题吧，另外这后面半句语法上也接不上）do a disservice to the society. As a consequence, successful socialization helps bring about a better society as the speaker maintains.（这段总体上有点罗嗦，作为铺垫的段落简洁点好了，而且后面大部分已经不是在回答什么是社会化，而是社会化的作用了，不如在开头段直接给出社会化的定义好了）

Successful socialization can also（这个词明确了你的第一段应该说明社会化的一个作用） be conducive to cultivation of the uniform characteristics of nations which play a crucial role in boosting the development of the society. Through socialization, （换个句式吧。。前面用了2次了）children accept the specific beliefs of their culture and shape the distinct characteristics of a nation which is totally different compared to （with those）that of other nations. And the uniformity of common personality is of great significance to determine the destiny of society. For instance, when we refer to common personality of nations, Germans are precise and conservative while Americans are more open-minded and individualistic. These figures have a profoundly impact on the development and progress of the two countries to some extent. （这里的问题是。。这种特性是怎么由社会化得到的呢？否则你的论证就变成了民族特性决定社会发展）Preciseness and conservativeness help to bring up many famous philosophers and thinkers such as Hegel and Karl Marx. And these figures also deeply influence the ideas of their enterprises which place emphasis on the qualities of their products. As it turns out, many famous corporations in the world are German's such as BMW and so forth. While the open-mindedness and individuality of Americans help to bring up people to formulate their distinct opinions which are conducive to the nurture of creativity. Therefore today's USA （好怪的表达方式，today US就好了啊）can dominate the realm of the economy, technology and so forth. （这段只有开头两句和社会化有关。。其余的都有些偏了。。）

Fortunately, our society has learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society especially in the aspect of socialization. On the parental level, parents send children to kindergartens and encourage them to interact with their peers. Moreover, when children grow up into adolescence later, parents encourage them to contact with society in the forms of taking part-time jobs such as sending newspapers and washing cars in the communities. At the same time, on the school level, schools and teachers also play an important part in cultivating the social awareness of children. Understanding society, experiencing various occupations as well as accumulating social working experiences are the consistent and important contents of American school education. Some schools carry out activities such as "Occupations Day" every month to invite various professions of people in society to introduce their work to children. And the important things children learn are how to survive in society. On the community level, society also exerts to create a benign and healthy environment in which they cultivate and nurture the capacities of children to adapt society.（这里的社会化又有些限于如何自立更生了）

Today's education is moving toward a more scientific and systematic direction as the empirical evidence shows. And we are sure that we have capacities to raise children who can help bring about a better society although there are still some problems existing in education such as juvenile delinquency and so forth.

To sum up, socialization is the key determinant that hinges on the destiny of society. At the same time, we have found scientific and systematic ways especially in the respect of cultivating children’s socialization to raise them who can better society.

感觉对社会化的定义把握有偏差，所以文章整体显得很散漫，其实社会化的重要性可以从一些很典型的例子来挖掘，比如马家爵，杨丽娟，校园枪击，海艺这些事件，都是在一定程度上是社会化过程中出了问题。如果要论证我们已经知道如何教孩子社会化，重点也应该停留在我们是怎样解决这类问题的，解决的方法有效吗？从这个角度讲，其实从反面写，也就是还没有学会更容易些。这也是目前社会存在的问题。

另外感觉论述得有些累赘，精简一下，把结构和主题明确下，应该会更好。估计你状态不好也是感到越写越没滋味，写文章有冗长乏味的感觉吧。休息一两天整理下思路吧，我有几天也是写的字数爆多，但感觉很差。

加油！

Iris0907UID: 2332406

谢谢斑斑指导:loveliness:

Iris0907UID: 2332406

"感觉论述得有些累赘，精简一下，把结构和主题明确下，应该会更好。估计你状态不好也是感到越写越没滋味，写文章有冗长乏味的感觉吧。休息一两天整理下思路吧，我有几天也是写的字数爆多，但感觉很差。"

就是这种感觉。。。
看来要好好整理思路了

pippo1983UID: 172110

嗯，缓缓就会好了，别担心，应该快修练成了;d: