argument26 [0710G-summer小组]第三次作业by sanliangmm

sanliangmmUID: 2363921

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 486          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-7-20 16:40:59
[outline]:文章对其结论主要有三个论据，采用按文章错误顺序来逐一反驳，           
1.（无因果）获奖不一定与Schade有关系；文章没有指出什么时候获奖，可能与上任者有关；即使获奖是因为Schade的能力，也有可能是由于其艺术造诣，而不是管理能力           
2.（无理假设） 设施得到改善不一定与Schade有关
3.（极端选择）即使Schade有能力，但不排除还有其他人也很优秀

In this memo, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda recommends that The school board should hire Mr Schade to take in charge for the entire saluda school system. To bolster this recommendation, the chairperson provides the evidence that for the past five year management of Mr. Charles Schade the school has won three regional band competitions and that the quality of musical facilities and instruments has improves markedly. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the chairperson's recommendation.

First, the recommendation relies on the assumption that the three band awards are attributable to Mr.Charles Schade's abilities and efforts. Yet, this assumption overlooks other possible causes for the awards. Perhaps the conduct and management are carried out by some other teachers, who should be give credit to the prize. Or perhaps the success is largely due to the impressing performance of several extremely talented students. Further, the chairperson fails to indicate when the band won the prize. Perhaps such success was in Mr.Charles Schade's early tenure, which suggests that the work of predecessor should be considered.  Without considering and eliminating these and other possible alternative explanations for the awards, the chairperson cannot reasonably infer based on this fact to illustrate the capacity of Mr.Charles Schade. Even if the three band awards are attributable to Mr.Charles Schade's abilities and efforts, it is entirely possible that the skills that Schade possesses are relative to the band conduction or musical talents. If so, then the fact that the awards would amount to scant evidence at best that Schade would make an effective administrator for the district.

In the second place, the chairperson falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the improvement of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments should also be the good illustration of Schade's efforts. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the improvement of the instruments and facilities are due to someone's donation or the efforts of the school management group as a whole. Therefore, the chairperson cannot justifiably rely on this claim to strengthen its recommendation.

In the third place, even if Schade is as excellent as shown by the two facts the chairperson unfairly implies that the school has no candidate for the director of the whole school system. Perhaps, one or more other individuals would be more suitable for the jor, relating with their experience, age, human relationship and other factors. Without addressing this possibility the chairperson connot convince me the district should hire Schade.

To sum up, the chairperson fails to substantiate his recommendation that Schade is the suitable person to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire school system, because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the chairperson maintains. To strengthen the argument would have to demonstrate the cause and effect relationship between the awards and the improvement of the instruments to the efforts and abilities of Schade. In addition, the chairperson would have to provide more information about other candidate who are competitive with Schade. Therefore, if the statement had included the given factors mentioned above, the recommendation would have become more thorough and logically acceptable.

[ 本帖最后由 sanliangmm 于 2007-7-20 16:37 编辑 ]

rainyni0812UID: 2186847

我实在不行了,脑子不转了
带回去改,明天有事可能要晚点,但下午三点前一定贴上来,见谅啊

eenbrUID: 2259468

实在改不出什么东西了，每个点都攻击到了。
楼主的文章已经很像北美范文了

dragonraceUID: 178536

In this memo, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda recommends that the school board should hire Mr Schade to take in charge for the entire Saluda School system. To bolster this recommendation, the chairperson provides the evidence that for the past five years management of Mr. Charles Schade the school has won three regional band competitions and that the quality of musical facilities and instruments has improved markedly. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the chairperson's recommendation.
.....
In the third place, even if Schade is as excellent as shown by the two facts the chairperson unfairly implies that the school has no candidate for the director of the whole school system. Perhaps, one or more other individuals would be more suitable for the job, relating with their experience, age, human relationship and other factors. Without addressing this possibility the chairperson cannot convince me the district should hire Schade.
sanliangmm，感觉你今天状态应该不是很好，平时很累的时候一定注意调节。

[ 本帖最后由 dragonrace 于 2007-7-21 04:10 编辑 ]

sanliangmmUID: 2363921

谢谢关心阿 尽量努力以后不偷懒 赫赫

rainyni0812UID: 2186847

文章对其结论主要有三个论据，采用按文章错误顺序来逐一反驳，           1.（无因果）获奖不一定与Schade有关系；文章没有指出什么时候获奖（我没想到这一点），可能与上任者有关；即使获奖是因为Schade的能力，也有可能是由于其艺术造诣，而不是管理能力 （这个需不需要单独说明呢？我觉得也是一个大的错误方面）         2.（无理假设） 设施得到改善不一定与Schade有关3.（极端选择）即使Schade有能力，但不排除还有其他人也很优秀（原来这个错误叫极端选择啊）In this memo, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda recommends that The school board should hire Mr Schade to take in charge for the entire saluda school system. To bolster this recommendation, the chairperson provides the evidence that for the past five years’ management of Mr. Charles Schade， the school has won three regional band competitions and that the quality of musical facilities and instruments has improved markedly. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the chairperson's recommendation.First, the recommendation relies on the assumption that the three band awards are attributable to Mr.Charles Schade's abilities and efforts. Yet, this assumption overlooks other possible causes for the awards. Perhaps the conduct and management are carried out by some other teachers, who should be give credit to the prize. Or perhaps the success is largely due to the impressing performance of several extremely talented students. Further, the chairperson fails to indicate when the band won the prize. Perhaps such success was in Mr.Charles Schade's early tenure, which suggests that the work of predecessor should be considered.  Without considering and eliminating these and other possible alternative explanations for the awards, the chairperson cannot reasonably infer based on this fact to illustrate the capacity of Mr.Charles Schade. Even if the three band awards are attributable to Mr.Charles Schade's abilities and efforts, it is entirely possible that the skills that Schade possesses are relative to the band conduction or musical talents. If so, then the fact that the awards would amount to scant evidence at best that Schade would make an effective administrator for the district.（单独说比较好）In the second place, the chairperson falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the improvement of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments should also be the good illustration of Schade's efforts. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the improvement of the instruments and facilities are due to someone's donation or the efforts of the school management group as a whole. Therefore, the chairperson cannot justifiably rely on this claim to strengthen his recommendation.In the third place, even if Schade is as excellent as shown by the two facts the chairperson unfairly implies that the school has no candidate for the director of the whole school system. Perhaps, one or more other individuals would be more suitable for the job, relating with their experience, age, human relationship and other factors. （好象跟批判的关系不大啊）Without addressing this possibility the chairperson cannot convince me the board should hire Schade.To sum up, the chairperson fails to substantiate his recommendation that Schade is the suitable person to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire school system, because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the chairperson maintains. To strengthen the argument would have to demonstrate the cause and effect relationship between the awards and the improvement of the instruments to the efforts and abilities of Schade. In addition, the chairperson would have to provide more information about other candidates who are competitive with Schade. Therefore, if the statement had included the given factors mentioned above, the recommendation would have become more thorough and logically acceptable.