argument190 [第二次模考]by学野 关于音乐会的高频有拍必回！

学野UID: 2155973

TOPIC: ARGUMENT190 - The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspaper.

"Over the past few years, the number of people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined, indicating lack of community support. Although the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, this cannot be the reason for the decline in advance ticket purchases, because many people attended the concerts even in bad weather. Clearly, then, the reason for the decline is the choice of music, so the organizers of the concert should feature more modern music in the future and should be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings. This strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance at the concerts."
WORDS: 447          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2007-7-21 17:25:56
两分钟找错误，五分钟写开头和结尾，20分钟写body  三分钟检查~希望别的A也是这种状态~
Merely based on the facts that decline in number of people who purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert (GSC) series and the success of Richerts(R) compose recordings, the speaker recommends that choose the music that composed by R will increase advance ticket purchases and attendance. Plausible as it seems at the first glance, the recommendation cannot stand up to any close scrutiny for following facets.

In the first place, the speaker fails to convince us that the GSC series lack of community support only based on the decrease in the number of people who purchased advance tickets. It is highly possible that one can purchase many advance tickets for his family and friends which indicate GSC do not lack the community support. the standard of the number of people who have purchased advance tickets cannot indicate the decline in community support, Without giving more detailed evidences, the speaker's conclusion is open to doubt.

In the second place, granted that GSC has lacked of community support, it is presumptuous to attribute the reason for the decline to the choice of music. The speaker fails to rule out other alternatives which may be responsible for the decline. It is entirely possible that the place of GSC is too far away that people are less inclined to go to see it. It is also possible that the tickets price is too high that residents cannot afford to purchase. Even if they are able to purchase that tickets, it is still possible that they spare no time to watch the concert due to their busy work. Any of these scenarios, if true, will undermine the final recommendation.

Finally, even if the choice of music is the only reason for the decline, it is still too hasty to recommend that the organizers should feature more modern music and include music composed by Richerts. More records that are purchased by G residents does not mean they like to listen to music composed by Richerts in concert. Possibility remains that people are inclined to listen to music at home but not go to concert. In addition, no evidences show that residents like modern music on concerts. Even if all above are accepted, the increase in advance ticket and thus attendances is still doubted. It is equally possible  that people may not attend at the concerts due to some emergency such as ill, traffic jam, additional work and other family troubles. The speaker fails to exclude such possibilities and thus make his conclusion unconvincing.

To sum up, the speaker makes a rashly recommendation based on unconvincing evidences and unreasonable deduction, to bolster his conclusion, he must provide more detailed information and more convincing evidences.

jeileeUID: 2298006

万恶的你啊!!!我还写不完了555555555555


Merely based(base) on the facts that decline in number of people who purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert (GSC) series and the success of Richerts(R) compose recordings, the speaker recommends that choose the music that composed by R will increase advance ticket purchases and attendance. Plausible as it seems at the first glance, the recommendation cannot stand up to any close scrutiny for following facets.

In the first place, the speaker fails to convince us that the GSC series lack of community support only based(base,重复用词) on the decrease in the number of people who purchased advance tickets. It is highly possible that one can purchase many advance tickets for his family and friends which indicate GSC do not lack the community support. the standard of the number of people who have purchased advance tickets cannot indicate the decline in community support, Without giving more detailed evidences, the speaker's conclusion is open to doubt.(advance tickets减少也许不能说明任何问题,人们可能喜欢现场买票,GSC的收入并没有减少,所有的推断也就都没意义了)

In the second place, granted that GSC has lacked of community support, it is presumptuous to attribute the reason for(of) the decline to the choice of music. The speaker fails to rule out other alternatives which may be responsible for the decline. It is entirely possible that the place of GSC is too far away that people are less inclined to go to see it. It is also possible that the tickets price is too(so) high that residents cannot afford to purchase. Even if they are able to purchase that tickets, it is still possible that they spare no time to watch the concert due to their busy work. Any of these scenarios, if true, will undermine the final recommendation.(没有证据说明与天气没有关系,可能恰逢雷雨天气人们不喜欢出门等等)

Finally, even if the choice of music is the only reason for the decline, it is still too hasty to recommend that the organizers should feature more modern music and include music composed by Richerts. More records that are purchased by G residents does not mean they like to listen to music composed by Richerts in concert. Possibility remains that people are inclined to listen to music at home but not go to concert. In addition, no evidences show that residents like modern music on concerts. Even if all above are accepted, the increase in advance ticket and thus attendances is still doubted. It is equally possible  that people may not attend at the concerts due to some emergency such as ill, traffic jam, additional work and other family troubles. The speaker fails to exclude such possibilities and thus make his conclusion unconvincing. (递近关系处理得很好)

To sum up, the speaker makes a rashly recommendation based on unconvincing evidences and unreasonable deduction, to bolster his conclusion, he must provide more detailed information and more convincing evidences.

To sum up,我也希望我的A能和你一样有好状态啊...唉.......
没有什么大问题的一篇A我觉得,挺通顺的,不过结尾如果能详细说下建议ARGUER提供的证据会更好
搜下我的文章看有没你想拍的吧....
本来想帮你把I也改了,现在没心情了,回家了.........抱歉........加油了!