Issue185 【0710G-小猪快跑小组】第2次作业 by Shania

Shania.33UID: 2363464

Issue185    字数：562    不限时     日期：2007-7-20 13:42:03

Just as a proverb said, “Good words not come out, while ill words spread a long distance.” I can agree with the statement about that, scandals in politics, academia, and some other areas can be useful and attain the audience’s attention on problems which no speaker or reformer ever could. Also the objective judgment of the scandals is necessary. Following evidence I will support in my next discussions.


To begin with, not only could the scandals call out an attach importance to publics, but also it makes the audiences realize the problems rapidly and easily, while other routes of communication do not transcend its speed. People do more likely intend to hear such scandals right after the explosion of the Watergate. Which sweated out through every pore of the Whitehouse to any corners in America then reach to other countries in only a few seconds, was surprised the whole world and reported by almost overall media to rapidly. Such an outcome serves to flag important sociopolitical problems would be more effectively than any single speaker or reformer.


Secondly, except of its revealing of the truth and matter, scandals are also useful insofar as urging people to improve the intendance or evaluation system to make such cases not to occur again. After the Watergate revelations, congress of the United States was provoked to pass several piece of legislation designed to curb executive power in the future, and enacted legislation in 1974 that set new ceiling on contributions and expenditures. It is not only in politics areas, but also in the academia or sportsdom— can be the similar scandals occur and remind people preventing from the lectures. Almost every Olympics exists the scandals of taking cordial by the competitors. Take an instance of the Justin Gatlin, who is an America Olympic gold medalist shares the world record in the 100m sprint and currently serving an eight-year ban form track and field for testing positive for doping. Justin Gatlin told the media that he had been informed by the USADA that he had given a positive doping test in April in 2006. The scandal of him must be warning of all the competitors and countries which are eager to own victory. Additionally, taking an objective attitude to the scandals does benefit for people.


However, there’s no denying that if we pay egregious attention to the scandals, it is entirely possible to overlook the objective justice and loss the discerning ability for oneself. Especially in such a period that thousands of times on journals and televisions media report the news, which almost every time took place around our life. As a result, numerous of information confuses our view easily. Take Bill Clinton as an example; during the eight years of his administration career, as a predominant US president, he had ever added an unprecedented contribution to the nation’s economy. Whereas the sex scandal occurred between Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, these accomplishments were mostly overshadowed in almost points of view.


In sum, the phenomenon of the treatment to scandals in each areas is such a controversial one, in my point of view I do believe that scandals is useful under the background of objective treatment and often serve to flag important sociopolitical problems more effectively than any single speaker or reformer can. However, we should pay properly attention to the scandals based on the justice factors.
         
Syllabus：
1、            丑闻可以传播的很快，它不仅能引起公众的重视，还能使受众快速简单的认识到问题。例：水门事件的传播速度之快。
2、            丑闻的发生揭示事件的真相和本质，并且能警醒世人和社会，它的教训使人们意识到并且采取措施预防，不再发生类似的事情。例：水门事件之后美国国会采取的系列措施；奥林匹克运动会关于服用兴奋剂的丑闻对任何一个参赛者和参赛国家都是一种警示，奥运短跑冠军加斯林因为服用兴奋剂而被禁赛，前途大毁。客观对待丑闻对人们是有益处的。
3、            但是毫无疑问对待丑闻要采取公正态度，过分的关注可能使我们失去对事物的客观判断能力，特别在今天这个    媒体无处不在和消息随时报道的时代。例：在多数人的观点里，克林顿在位八年给美国经济带来空前的贡献，但是因为和Lewinsky的丑闻使得他的成就失色。


=========================  （提纲）Issue 142 & 160       =================

142. "The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority."
Syllabus：在一定的限度内，挑战权威的确能促进社会繁荣昌盛。
1、时代在发展，权威作为一种被大众认可普遍接受的观点或者事实，在接受质疑和改进的时候，才能有其新的进步，跟上时代的发展。
A.挑战学术权威，促进学科进步（One new authority's naissance lead the old authority's death, but promote the society's development. Descartes \ Aristotle）Descartes: French philosopher “I think, therefore I am”
Aristotle：Greek philosopher  “ I love my teacher,  but I love truth even more”
B.挑战政治权威，促进民主社会的进程，效率（challenge王权majesty---民权civil rights）
2、挑战权威不是毫无根据的怀疑，而是站在事实基础和改进建议的基础上，进行更好的建议，带来更好的发展。
Which the unique resources the forefathers bestowed to us, involve the talents and skills of many precursors in any field of research and endeavor. Hence, the properly question authority is based on the main fact and promotes changeable suggestion. Understandably, accumulating experiences and knowledge are worthy treasure for us, since it is necessary to make use of them as our stepping-stones, which enable our endeavor smoother and quicker by avoiding some unnecessary mistakes. Moreover, developing new ideas and perceiving existing achievements are not incompatible. When it comes to high-tech areas, where creative and original ideas are essential for development, properly utilizing past similar products' nice features as well as defects is the gist for researching new products. No high-tech engineer would do the troublesome to sever the bond that unites new products and relative past ones or create total things himself. In a word, important contributions contain considerable ideas that come from others’ achievements.
3、要承认的是，一方面完全不相信权威，会导致权威不被尊重并引发不稳定；另一方面，无根据的怀疑，会导致问题复杂化而毫无益处。
A society in which individuals show no respect at all to any form of authority faces the danger of disintegration and instability. The egregious question brings on abruption. (The Period of Warring States in archaic China, the contention of a hundred schools of thought, leads to the abruption of country and lasting war.)   



160. "The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."

Syllabus：领导者需要尊重人民意愿，但不是盲从，要有自己的深刻视角和正确判断。
1、领导者应该遵从人民的意愿，这是前提和基础，因为他们的权利是人民赋予的，要为人民的利益服务，
才能促进社会稳定发展。
A.要分清意愿是不是来自大多数的人民，而且符合社会发展规律。
B.要分清意愿是不是合理的，并且符合当前的现实国情。
C.要利用自己的能力去分析如何遵从才是最好的对一个国家有益的。

2、领导者的对一些原则和目标坚定不移努力的能力，大多数情况下，和他正确的判断大众意志为之服务并不矛盾，而能互相促进。例：（Gandhi，Martin Luther King.Jr）甘地正是为了人民的利益而奋斗，所以才坚忍不拔的坚持自己的“非暴力不合作”领导风格；马丁路德金同样也是为了黑人们的共同目标，坚持他的领导目标和原则直到生命结束。

3、但是需要承认，领导者一方面遵从人民的意志需要判断而不是盲目的听从，另一方面坚定不移的领导需要加强能力，并顺应形势而改变策略，否则起不到好的效果。

frecklewang1984UID: 2355474

Issue185 【0710G-小猪快跑小组】shania第2次作业 frecklewang修改

Just as a proverb said, “Good words not come out, while ill words spread a long distance.” I can agree with the statement about that, scandals in politics, academia, and some other areas can be useful and attain the audience’s attention on problems which no speaker or reformer ever could. Also 是不是用表转折关系的连接词会更好？ the objective judgment of the scandals is necessary. Following evidence I will support in my next discussions.好像有语病啊，I will是不是少个state之类的词啊，另外应是复数evidences


To begin with, not only could the scandals call out an attach importance 是不是attach是多余的？ to publics, but also it makes the audiences realize the problems rapidly and easily, while other routes of communication do not transcend its speed. People do more likely intend to hear such scandals right 不懂这个词是修饰谁的？after么? after the explosion of the Watergate. Which sweated out through every pore of the Whitehouse to any corners in America then reach to other countries in only a few seconds, was surprised the whole world and reported by almost overall media to rapidly. Such an outcome serves to flag important sociopolitical problems would be more effectively than any single speaker or reformer.恩，例子论证的角度较好的支持了自己的观点，开头用了个倒装，不错！


Secondly, except of 是多余的吧？except本身是介词，可以直接接名词its revealing of the truth and matter, scandals are also useful insofar as urging people to improve the intendance or evaluation system to make such cases not to occur again. After the Watergate revelations, congress of the United States was provoked to pass several piece of legislation designed to curb executive power in the future, and enacted legislation in 1974 that set new ceiling不理解 on contributions and expenditures. It is not only in politics areas, but also in the academia or sportsdom— can be the similar scandals occur and remind people preventing from the lectures. Almost every Olympics exists the scandals of taking cordial by the competitors. Take an instance of the Justin Gatlin, who is an America Olympic gold medalist shares the world record in the 100m sprint and currently serving an eight-year ban form track and field for testing positive for doping. Justin Gatlin told the media that he had been informed by the USADA that he had given a positive doping test in April in 2006. The scandal of him must be warning of all the competitors and countries which are eager to own victory. Additionally, taking an objective attitude to the scandals does benefit for people没有论据证明.


However, there’s no denying that if we pay egregious attention to the scandals, it is entirely possible to overlook the objective justice and loss the discerning ability for oneself. Especially in such a period that thousands of times on journals and televisions media report the news, which almost every time took place around our life. As a result, numerous of information confuses our viewviews easily. Take Bill Clinton as an example; during the eight years of his administration career, as a predominant US president, he had ever added用这个词表示对coutribution可以么 an unprecedented contribution to the nation’s economy. Whereas the sex scandal occurred between Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, these accomplishments were mostly overshadowed in almost points of view. 这个例子之后是不是在进行总结一下更好呢？


In sum, the phenomenon of the treatment to scandals in each areas is such a controversial one, in my point of view I do believe that scandals is useful under the background of objective treatment and often serve to flag important sociopolitical problems more effectively than any single speaker or reformer can. However, we should pay properly attention to the scandals based on the justice factors.

ldongxpUID: 2311083

Just as a proverb said, “Good words not come out, while ill words spread a long distance.” I can agree with the statement about that, scandals in politics, academia, and some other areas can be useful and attain the audience’s attention on problems which no speaker or reformer ever could. Also the objective judgment of the scandals is necessary. Following evidence I will support in my next discussions.
To begin with, not only could the scandals call out an attach importance to publics, but also it makes the audiences realize the problems rapidly and easily, while other routes of communication do not transcend its speed. People do more likely intend to hear such scandals right after the explosion of the Watergate which sweated out through every pore of the Whitehouse to any corners in America then reach to other countries in only a few seconds, [was surprised the whole world and reported by 不对吧，surprised 不要was了] almost overall media to rapidly. Such an outcome serves to flag important sociopolitical problems would be more effectively than any single speaker or reformer. [感觉说理还要多些更好]
Secondly, except of [删] its [指代scandals?] revealing of the truth and matter, scandals are also useful insofar as urging people to improve the intendance or evaluation system to make such cases not to occur again. After the Watergate revelations, [建议一个例子不要总是用] congress of the United States was provoked to pass several piece of legislation designed to curb executive power in the future, and enacted legislation in 1974 that set new ceiling on contributions and expenditures. It is not only in politics areas, but also in the academia or sportsdom— can be the similar scandals occur and remind people preventing from the lectures. Almost every Olympics [exists the scandals] [这个表达觉得别扭] of taking cordial by the competitors. Take an instance of the Justin Gatlin, who is an America Olympic gold medalist shares the world record in the 100m sprint and currently serving an eight-year ban form track and field for testing positive for doping. Justin Gatlin told the media that he had been informed by the USADA that he had given a positive doping test in April in 2006. The scandal of him must be warning of all the competitors and countries which are eager to own victory. Additionally, [这个词用来总结？] taking an objective attitude to the scandals does benefit for people.

However, there’s no denying that if we pay egregious [换个词,undue?] attention to the scandals, it is entirely possible to overlook the objective justice and loss the discerning ability for oneself. Especially in such a period that thousands of times on journals and televisions media report the news, which almost every time took place around our life. As a result, numerous [of] information confuses our view easily. Take Bill Clinton as an example; during the eight years of his administration career, as a predominant US president, he had ever added an unprecedented contribution to the nation’s economy. Whereas the sex scandal occurred between Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, these accomplishments were mostly overshadowed in almost points of view. [这里小结一句]

In sum, the phenomenon of the treatment to scandals in each areas is such a controversial one, in my point of view I do believe that scandals is useful under the background of objective treatment and often serve to flag important sociopolitical problems more effectively than any single speaker or reformer can. However, we should pay properly attention to the scandals based on the justice factors.
[观点和语言都不错，
文章结构也不错，只是例子之后说理稍稍多点更好]

shalonbasUID: 2184474

Just as a proverb said, “Good words not come out, while ill words spread a long distance.” [这是地道的英文表达么？莫非是“好事不出门，坏事传千里”？呵呵] I can [如果是表赞同则不应该用can了] agree with the statement about that, scandals in politics, academia, and some other areas can be useful and attain the audience’s attention on problems which no speaker or reformer ever could. [赞同观点] Also the objective judgment of the scandals is necessary. [既然两句都是你的观点，那么合成一句更完整，不然显得不够有力]Following evidence I will support in my next discussions. [这句话不太对，可以写为 Supportive evidences are given in the following discussions. (其实我觉得用evidence不太好，如果要表达类似的意思不如直接“立场+as discussed below.”)]
To begin with, not only could [与题目不同，这个地方就应该用can了] the scandals call out an attach [attach是动词，如何来修饰importance呢？] importance to [the] publics, but also it makes the audiences realize the problems rapidly and easily, while other routes of communication do [can] not transcend its speed [TS-丑闻使事件在极短的时间内昭告天下。但是not only后面关于importance的意思是什么我不太明白]. People do more likely intend [改成People tend to/incline to do sth，如果一定要用likely，应该说成People are more likely to do sth] to hear such scandals right after the explosion of the Watergate. [改成逗号才能与后面的which从句一起用]Which[小写which, 如果大写则该句话有语法错误] sweated out [应该用spread吧，sweat不是出汗么？] through every pore of the Whitehouse to any corners [corner] in America then reach to other countries in only a few seconds [all over the world in no time], was [删掉，是丑闻使世界震惊，而不是被动] surprised the whole world and reported by almost overall media to rapidly. [… … the whole world due to international media.] Such an outcome serves to flag important sociopolitical problems [which is ] would [would删掉，否则有两个谓语] be more effectively than any single speaker or reformer. [该段以水门事件为例，说明丑闻的一个重要特点：能立刻吸引眼球。]
Secondly, except of [except for] its [后面用scandals，所以这里itstheir] revealing of the truth and matter, scandals are also useful insofar as urging people to improve the intendance or evaluation system to [prevent such events from occurring again.] make such cases not to occur again. After the Watergate revelations, congress of the United States was provoked to pass several piece of legislation [bills, 议案] designed to curb executive power in the future, and enacted legislation in 1974 that [to] set new ceiling on contributions and expenditures [感觉没有写完，什么的contribution和expenditure]. It is not only in politics areas, but also in the academia or sportsdom— can be the similar scandals occur and remind people preventing from the lectures. [这句话有问题] Almost every Olympics exists the scandals of taking cordial by the competitors. [There are scandals related to cordial in almost every Olympic games.]Take an instance of the Justin Gatlin[以什么为例，take sth for instance/ example], who is an America[n] Olympic gold medalist shares the world record in the 100m sprint and currently serving an eight-year ban form track and field [because of doping] for testing positive for doping. Justin Gatlin told the media that he had been informed by the USADA that he had given a positive doping test in April in 2006. The scandal of him must be warning [is a warning/serves as a warning/must have warned all the competitors] of all the competitors and countries which [有人又有物，把which改成that吧]are eager to own victory [win]. Additionally, taking an objective attitude to the scandals does benefit for people. [这一段的观点是什么？第一句说丑闻会使得人们改进相应的机制，但举的例子似乎并没有证明这一点，而例子之后的那句话”The scandal of him”说的是scandal有警示作用（而非改进机制），最后一句话又突然跳到对scandal的态度上去。所以，我有点糊涂。]
However, there’s no denying that if we pay egregious attention to the scandals, it is entirely possible to overlook the objective justice and loss [lose] the discerning ability for oneself [oneself指的什么？]. Especially [Particularly似乎更好] in such a period that thousands of times on journals and televisions media report the news, which almost every time took place around our life.  [Particularly in this era that one event can be reported thousands of times by the mass media, including newspaper, broadcast, and televisions.]As a result, numerous of [of去掉，而且numerous貌似只修饰可数名词，这里用excessive也许也可以] information confuses our view easily. Take Bill Clinton as an example; [,] during the eight years of his [whose] administration career, as a predominant US president, he had ever added an unprecedented contribution to the nation’s economy. Whereas the sex scandal occurred between Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, these accomplishments were mostly overshadowed in almost points of view. [少了总结] [感觉这段话是说不能一棒子打死，可如何与丑闻的积极意义形成让步关系？]
In sum, the phenomenon of the treatment to scandals in each areas [area] is such a controversial one, in my point of view [与I do 重复，删之] I do believe that scandals is useful under the background of objective treatment and often serve to flag important sociopolitical problems more effectively than any single speaker or reformer can. However, we should pay properly attention to the scandals based on the justice factors. [前面一句讲了objective treatment,这里再强调一下justice是否重复？]
[逻辑结构
第一个正面意义写到位了，但第二个正面意义表述的却不太清晰；更为严重的问题是，我觉得文中的让步段内容无法和前文形成让步关系。（奇怪的是我之前改的guangxu的文章也有这个问题）让我们这样来分析一下吧，题目的大方向说的是“丑闻是有其积极意义的”，暗含的基本前提就是“丑闻具有很大负面效应”。作为题目观点的支持者，你在正文前两段论述了“丑闻的积极意义”，那么在让步的时候，为表明你观点的全面性，显然应该把丑闻的消极影响点出来，如此才能形成完整的结构。而目前你在文章中让步段设置的内容是“看待丑闻时需要一个正确客观的态度”，这个观点本身虽然不错，但与“丑闻的积极意义”不是让步关系，更像是一个补充，就像你结尾中提到的一样，需要先客观地看待丑闻，然后才能发挥其积极作用，对不？
我刚才想到了一个比较容易的判定是否为让步关系的办法。即在你开头或者结尾写全文观点总结性语句的时候，如果可以写为Though/Although A, (but) B.那么就是成立的让步关系。见下面的例子：
例如全文观点为：
Although 坏天气有一定影响，(but)这次PARTY依然玩的很开心。
正文一：乐队很棒！
正文二：舞伴很棒！
正文三：坏天气影响了BBQ，但大家雨中跳舞更有氛围。
拿上面的标准套用一下你的文章就可以很明白地看出你的分论点不是让步关系了。比方说开头段中就有个Also对不？

语言应用
看过你的文章，我觉得你最大的优点就是有意识的使用从句，同义词以及倒装句。但在使用得正确性上还需要加强，不要舍本逐末了。比如该文中你大概有三处提到“以…为例”，但处处结构都不同，且在句式上都出现了问题。我建议你查一下该说法的标准表达方式，然后就固定下来作为你今后写作的模板(毕竟你不会指望在这个表达法里玩花样的吧，呵呵)。另外就是not only…but also，多背几个例句，体会一下，以后就不会犯同样的错误了。
最后附带着说下例子吧，我觉得水门事件和克林顿的性丑闻举世皆知，估计大家都用，ETS肯定都快看烦了，所以如果有时间的话还是准备几个自己特有的(比方说与你专业相关又不那么冷僻)的例子为好。仅仅是小建议哈~~
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[ 本帖最后由 shalonbas 于 2007-7-24 20:39 编辑 ]