argument53 [0710G-summer小组]第七次作业by sanliangmm

sanliangmmUID: 2363921

ARGUMENT53--Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
[outline]:
1.研究的前提—这些儿童表现出害羞--有问题，轻微紧张不一定说明害羞，自认为害羞实际上也不一定害羞
2.（无理假设）就算研究的前提是正确的，也不一定是由于melatonin引起的,而且也没提到这个荷尔蒙的作用时间与作用对象
3.（忽略他因）青少年的害羞可能是由于其他因素导致的。
The speaker concludes that risen levels of melatonin before birth result in shyness during infancy and continues into later life. To bolster his conclusion, the speaker cites the results of a study of 25 infants thirteen years ago who were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn when their mother's production of melatonin would naturally increase. What's more, the speaker also cites a recent study among these children--now teenagers--to illustrate their continuing shyness. Careful scrutiny of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the speaker's claim.

The threshold problem of this argument involves the author's implicit rationale that these two studies have showed the tendency of shyness among these children. Firstly, the speaker provides no evidence that the existence of light distress showed by infants facing with unfamiliar stimuli in the first study would suffice to conclude that they were shy. Perhaps, this is just the physical uneasiness according to outer pressure. Moreover, the second study results depend on the integrity and self evaluation of the teenagers. Persons who identify themselves as shy do not accurately reveals the truth: they might be moderate to their extroversion or they have some preconception when judging themselves. In these cases, the speaker's conclusion is far too vague to be meaningful.

Even if the two studies did showed that these children are relatively shy, the argumentation falsely relies on the assumption that the shyness is attributable to a hormone--melatonin. This assumption overlooks other possible causes for shyness and wrongly estimates the effect of melatonin before the birth of the infants. Perhaps their mothers' different prenatal culture or mood during the pregnancy dominates the kidney of the infants. Or perhaps, such hormone only has influence on their mothers, which this argument does not mention. Further, the speaker provides no evidence about the effecting time of melatonin. Without considering and ruling out these and other possible alternative explanations and facts, the speaker cannot convincingly conclude that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness.

At the mean time, the argument assumes that the teenagers' character only influenced by the melatonin before their birth. However, the author provides no evidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. Perhaps the living environment, education from parents and schools, and distinct nation culture might assign a significant role in shaping a person's attitude toward others. There might be a myriad of other reasons to the shyness. Thus, lacking sufficient consideration about the other reasons, it is difficult to assess the merit of the speaker's recommendation.

To sum up, the speaker fails to substantiate his conclusion that increase of levels of melatonin has influences in building-up one's character during infancy and later life. To strengthen the argument would have to provide more scientific study such as for the relationship between melatonin and shyness and to eliminate other possible reasons for shyness. Therefore, if the statement had included the given factors mentioned above, the argument would have become more thorough and logically acceptable.   

niuzhistUID: 2363220

argument53 [0710G-summer小组]第七次作业by sanliangmm

ARGUMENT53--Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress
when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They
discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn,
a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would
naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year,
more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as
shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues
into later life.
[outline]:
1.研究的前提—这些儿童表现出害羞--有问题，轻微紧张不一定说明害羞，自认为害羞实际上也不一定害羞
2.（无理假设）就算研究的前提是正确的，也不一定是由于melatonin引起的,而且也没提到这个荷尔蒙的作用时间与作用对象
3.（忽略他因）青少年的害羞可能是由于其他因素导致的。
The speaker concludes that risen levels of melatonin before birth result in shyness during infancy and continues
into later life. To bolster his conclusion, the speaker cites the results of a study of 25 infants thirteen years
ago who were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn when their mother's production of melatonin would
naturally increase. What's more, the speaker also cites a recent study among these children--now teenagers--to
illustrate their continuing shyness. Careful scrutiny of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends
little credible support to the speaker's claim.
The threshold problem of this argument involves the author's implicit rationale that these two studies have showed
the tendency of shyness among these children. Firstly, the speaker provides no evidence that the existence of light
distress showed by infants facing with unfamiliar stimuli in the first study would suffice to conclude that they
were shy. Perhaps, this is just the physical uneasiness according to outer pressure. Moreover, the second study
results depend on the integrity and self evaluation of the teenagers. Persons who identify themselves as shy do
not accurately reveals the truth: they might be moderate to their extroversion or they have some preconception
when judging themselves. In these cases, the speaker's conclusion is far too vague to be meaningful.
Even if the two studies did showed that these children are relatively shy, the argumentation falsely relies on
the assumption that the shyness is attributable to a hormone--melatonin. This assumption overlooks other possible
causes for shyness and wrongly estimates the effect of melatonin before the birth of the infants. Perhaps their
mothers' different prenatal culture or mood during the pregnancy dominates the kidney of the infants. Or perhaps,
such hormone only has influence on their mothers, which this argument does not mention. Further, the speaker
provides no evidence about the effecting time of melatonin. Without considering and ruling out these and other
possible alternative explanations and facts, the speaker cannot convincingly conclude that increased levels of
melatonin before birth cause shyness.
At the mean time, the argument assumes that the teenagers' character only influenced by the melatonin before
their birth. However, the author provides no evidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. Perhaps the
living environment, education from parents and schools, and distinct nation culture might assign a significant
role in shaping a person's attitude toward others. There might be a myriad of other reasons to the shyness.
Thus, lacking sufficient consideration about the other reasons, it is difficult to assess the merit of the
speaker's recommendation.
To sum up, the speaker fails to substantiate his conclusion that increase of levels of melatonin has influences
in building-up one's character during infancy and later life. To strengthen the argument would have to provide
more scientific study such as for the relationship between melatonin and shyness and to eliminate other possible
reasons for shyness. Therefore, if the statement had included the given factors mentioned above, the argument
would have become more thorough and logically acceptable.   
真的很难找到语法错误
逻辑点找得很好,分析得也很充分,用词丰富,我现在最欠缺的就是这点.但是有个我个人认为的问题是,这篇文章一些地方的短语和句式基本
和北美范文上的一样,我觉得最好改改再用,否则很容易出现雷同问题.