作文！求拍

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays, it is not uncommon to hear such depute whether parents are the best teacher. It is commonly accepted that parents are the best teacher for their children. However, the objectors hold that parents breed the children just by instinct. Actually, although parents in a measure will become quite illogical as they bring up their offspring. The truth of it is self-evident. In my opinion, no one can deny that parents are not only the first teacher but the best teacher of their children. There are several reasons as follow.
    Firstly, how much knowledge parents have offered in the process of our growing. For instance, frequently, most of commence senses of daily life which the children really gain are taught by their parents. Furthermore, many Parents have not only just taught their child simple general knowledge but taught them the professional knowledge. Especially, until the first industrial revolution, a majority of traditional crafts are hold on by father taught their children. Therefore, parents are the best teacher who is most self-giving rather than others.
    Secondly, how much patient parents have offered in the process of our growing. As we are a baby, parents pay more patience to teach us how to stand up from our first tumble, how to speak our first letter and how to button our first fastener. The growth of us is in company with our parents. Whatever we have obtained from parents, we have always regarded the impartment is in nature of things. But our parents, silently, offered their all painstaking and knowledge which is not acquired to reward to breed us. In conclusion, None of our successes will be likely to happen if without patient education from our parents.
    Last but not least, how much experience parents have offered in the process of our growing. The experiences of parents which will be possible to help us to be success give us more useful and effective advices and suggestions to our lives, On the one hand, the successful experiences of parents are still the best examples which direct our to progress and a great asset to us in both future work and life. On the other hand, the failed experiences of parents can give us a lesson to warn when once encountered to the similar condition happen. Parents provide their cherish experience to assist us come up more perfectly and strongly. As a result, we can learn that parents are the greatest teacher in the world.
    All in all, although parents are not as professional as experts in the special fields, they do their best to cultivate us – teach us a great many of knowledge, give us more beneficial advices and take care of our lives. Therefore, I firmly maintain that parents are the best teacher who is most self-giving, most patient and greatest in the world.

[ 本帖最后由 xiaosi326 于 2007-7-31 17:33 编辑 ]

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

Have you read your writing?
Write a completed sentence in formal writing.
Just pick some from your composition:
"Actually, although parents in a measure will become quite illogical as they bring up their offspring."
where is the main clause?
"Firstly, how much knowledge parents have offered in the process of our growing."
I don't know what you are talking about.

Suggest rewrite.

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

1."Write a completed sentence in formal writing. ????????"
i am sorry. i can't catch your meaning would you mind  explainting detailedly?
2.("Actually, although parents in a measure will become quite illogical as they bring up their offspring."
where is the main clause?)
i make a mistake. ;d: "Actually, although some parents will become quite illogical as they bring up their offspring"
3."Firstly, how much knowledge parents have offered in the process of our growing."在我们成长的过程中，父母给予了我们很多的知识。i use this sentence just because i want to the paragraph make up of a whole.
this sentence is a copy another sentence which i have ever saw in a  model essay.maybe ,i have something wrong with its syntax. would you mind  ccorrect it.
thank you for your suggestion.
i want to rewrit, but i can not catch the way. i look forward to your reply .:loveliness:
thank you so much

[ 本帖最后由 xiaosi326 于 2007-7-31 17:34 编辑 ]

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

在我们成长的过程中，父母给予了我们很多的知识。
It is parents who impart (offer) their children a lot of knowledge during their kids' growth.

Lets take your sentence as an example: "Firstly, how much knowledge parents have offered in the process of our growing."
"How" ususally introduce a question, but your sentence does not end with a question mark.
"How" can also refer to an attributive subclause, but you sentence is a simple one.
"How" may also lead an exclamation sentence in which an exclamation mark "!" should be there. Furthermore, since you are making a statement, an exclamation seems improper at the first sentence.

You may want to say "Our parents offer us a lot of knowledge during our growth." But the structure in your writing confuses readers.
In Chinese when people say "您帮了我多大的忙!“, it means "you helped me a lot." "他帮了我多大的忙?" "How much has he done for me?"  Well in English, "how much" never bears the meaning of "a lot". So how much do I owe you?

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-8-1 02:42 编辑 ]

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

thank you so much :loveliness: ,i mistake the meaning of "how much",thanks .  Would you mind i ask a question? what is the main reason produce you think that the composition is not famal writing? Is it  in any way because i use too much subclause in one sentance? would you mind tell me the writing's merits and demerits? i want to improve my demerits and keep back my merits. i do not know how to express my appreciation. thank you:)

hustlilsonUID: 2200198

看来偶要多多努力了:O

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

Composition is somewhat betwenn formal and informal writing. When it is for others, it is formal, especially when you publish a science paper. You try to communicate, thus clarity is the first important requirement. When you take note just for yourself or you are doing practice by yourself, that would be an informal writing.

In informal writing, you take key points, regardless of grammar.
In formal writing, write clearly so your reader won't misunderstand.

In conversation, some sentences missing subject or object may be acceptable. You have tones, facial expression and guestures to make up what you say. While in formal writing, your reader was not able to see your guesture or emotion. You have to deliver your meaning completely by the words you put on paper or screen. In this case, you have time to revise to make sure others understand. Here grammar is a guide. Follow the conventions.

Again, practice makes perfect. Write every day. Read your writing three times after you finished it. Ask your friends to proofread your composition.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-8-2 05:04 编辑 ]

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

thanks , have get it, i am so glad you took time and trouble to modify it. thank you so much

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

Nowadays, it is not uncommon to hear such dispute whether parents are the best teacher. It is commonly accepted that parents are the best teacher for their children. However, the objectors hold that it is just instinct behavior when parents bring up their children. Actually, although some parents will become quite illogical as they foster their offspring, the truth is self-evident. In my opinion, no one can deny that parents are not only the first teacher but the best teacher of their children. There are several reasons as follow.
     First of all, how much knowledge do parents teach us in the process of our growing up? For instance, in most of case, children learn their common sense from their parents. Furthermore, many Parents teach their children general knowledge as well as professional knowledge. As we know, before the first industrial revolution, the skill of making traditional crafts was introduced by one generation to the other. Therefore, parents are the best teacher who is more self-giving rather than others.
    Secondly, how much patient do parent offer in the process of our growing? we were born with nothing, it is our parents  who pay much patience to teach us how to stand up from our first tumble, to speak our first letter and  button our first fastener. The growth of us is with the company of our parents. Whatever we obtain from parents, we always regard the impartment is nature, but our parents who breeding us without requiring reward, silently offer their all painstaking and knowledge. In conclusion, our successes will not be likely to happen if without patient education from our parents.
    Last but not least, how much experience do parents offer in the process of our growing. The experience which is learnt from parents is possible to help us to be successful. Parents always give us more useful and effective advices and suggestions to our lives. On one hand, the successful experiences of parents are the best examples, directing us to make progress in both future work and life. On the other hand, the failed experiences of parents can give us a lesson when we encounter the similar situation. Parents provide their cherish experience to assist us to make progress more perfectly and strongly. As a result, we can learn that parents are the greatest teacher in the world.
    All in all, although parents are not as professional as experts in the special fields, they do their best to cultivate us, teaching us a great much of knowledge, giving us more beneficial advices and taking care of our lives. Therefore, I

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

i rewrite it, would you mind give me another suggestion? thank you so much

[ 本帖最后由 xiaosi326 于 2007-8-2 11:38 编辑 ]

mantnkhUID: 2303879

"How much", I realized I also had this mistake from  your conversation, so thank you very much.

babynalaUID: 2313884

Nowadays, it is not uncommon to hear such dispute whether parents are the best teacher. It is commonly accepted that parents are the best teacher for their children. However, the objectors（这个人是？） hold that it is just instinct behavior when parents bring up their children. Actually, although some parents will become quite illogical as they foster their offspring, the truth is self-evident.（这两句的让步没有表达出你的意思，the truth指什么？） In my opinion, no one can deny that （观点句，这个结构显得多余，直接提出较好）parents are not only the first teacher but the best teacher of their children. There are several reasons as follow（as follows）.开头段读了第一遍除了观点句前面没看懂……让步结构的意思不明确（个人意见，如有雷同，纯属巧合~）
     First of all, how much knowledge do parents teach us in the process of our growing up?（这个句子应该是topic sentence吧，感觉很奇怪，设问应该有回答吧，要明确的表明你的看法才能继续举例） For instance, in most of case, children learn their common sense from their parents. Furthermore, many Parents teach their children general knowledge as well as professional knowledge. As we know, before the first industrial revolution, the skill of making traditional crafts was introduced by one generation to the other. Therefore, parents are the best teacher who is more self-giving rather than others.（？？没看懂；而且这样的因果感觉很牵强，只能说明parents are the teacher but why best?）
    Secondly, how much patient do parent offer in the process of our growing? we were born with nothing, it is our parents  who pay much patience to teach us how to stand up from our first tumble, to speak our first letter and  button our first fastener. The growth of us is with the company of our parents. Whatever we obtain from parents, we always regard the impartment is nature, but our parents who breeding us without requiring reward, silently offer their all painstaking and knowledge. In conclusion, our successes will not be likely to happen if without patient education from our parents.（这段没有很好的支持patience）
    Last but not least, how much experience do parents offer in the process of our growing. The experience which is learnt from parents is possible to help us to be successful. Parents always give us more useful and effective advices and suggestions to our lives. On one hand, the successful experiences of parents are the best examples, directing us to make progress in both future work and life. On the other hand, the failed experiences of parents can give us a lesson when we encounter the similar situation. Parents provide their cherish experience to assist us to make progress more perfectly and strongly. As a result, we can learn that parents are the greatest teacher in the world.
    All in all, although parents are not as professional as experts in the special fields, they do their best to cultivate us, teaching us a great much of knowledge, giving us more beneficial advices and taking care of our lives. Therefore, I

总结：

1。 ORGNIZAION：

Thesis：Parents are best teachers

B1 KNOWLEDGE

B2 PATIENCE

B3 EXPERIENCE

2.我认为三个支持段的论述并没有支持你的观点。三段分别说了父母在孩子成长过程中的贡献，和best teacher几乎无关系。题目关键词为best, 隐含了一个比较，也就是说父母相对于其他所有的能充当孩子的老师的人来说是最好的老师，我觉得这才是本文的切入点。

3．句子的表达很费解，请楼主注意用词的精确性，避免中国式英语。

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

There is no doubt that parents are the first teachers of their kids. But as for the statement that they are also the best teacher for their kids, people always have different opinions. To my knowledge and experience, I support this statement. Let me offer my reasons.

First of all, parents teach their children the most of knowledge. No one imposes more influence than parents before the children enter elementary school. Babies learn their first word from their mother. Babies learn first sentence in their home. They learn how to handle spoons and cups with the help from their father and mother. Because the natural relationship between parents and their babies, only parents can teach them. Though doctors and nurses also contribute some to the growth of a child, it is parents who contribute the most.

Second of all, parents concerns the develoment of their children. Because parents love their children, they teach their children enthusiasm. For teachers, their love is distributed to 20-40 students in a class. But for a pair of parents, they may have only one or two to teach. Students definitely receive full attention from their parents while only favority students get more attentions from a teacher.

Last but not least, parents offer their experience to their kids in almost every aspects of life with little reservation. These experience will not be taught in a class. For example, a teacher may ask his students treat others politely. They hardly teach them what to do if others are not polite to the students. Students may feel their edfication fiustian. The trick taught by their parents may be more effective. Parents play the most important role in teaching their kids how to handle complicated interperson relationship. These lessons may benefit their children all their lives.

All in all, although parents may lack of training as thsos professional educational experts, no body has more enthusiasim and love than parents do on their kids. Well to educate the young generation, love is an essential factor. Kids imitate their parents because they spend most of their time with their parents. Parents can be the best teacher.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-8-3 13:42 编辑 ]