argument65 [勇往直前小组] 8.5 求拍~

高加索UID：2246937

题目：ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
字数：456        用时：00:30:00          日期：2007-8-6 12:08:50

In this memo, the author suggests that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To verify the suggestion, the arguer provides the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses while the Cheeses of the World magazine claim an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. This argument suffers from several critical flaws.

First of all, the evidence that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin is not sufficient to reach to the conclusion that people prefer domestic cheese to imported one. There are many factors could influence the choice of the consumer, among which domestic or imported is just one aspect.  Perhaps considering the possible lower price, the consumers would rather to buy domestic cheeses. Also it is possible that although the cheese from Wisconsin is preferred by consumers, the domestic cheeses produced in other states may not lucky enough. So it is reckless to conclude that all the domestic cheeses are preferred than imported one only according to the record of selling.

Secondly, whether the result of the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine is representative is doubtable. Common sense tells us, compared to the total amount of cheese consumers; the number of subscribers of Cheeses of the World may be very small. It is highly possible to make the conclusion of the survey less of convincing. Even if the result is representative, the increasing preference for domestic cheeses could not equal to a considerably large consuming of it. It is also based on the former consuming percentage domestic cheese is.

Last but not least, the arguer oversimplified the problem of profits. If the discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses is implemented, some other problems may occurred. It is highly possible that the consumer who prefers imported cheeses will give up buying cheeses in the stores, which may necessarily lead to a decrease in the selling. Those unknown factors may result in a decline of profits.

In sum, the arguer should provide more facts to convince us that the domestic cheeses are the preferred one of the consumers. Meanwhile, the representation of the survey should also be well illustrated. Additionally, only if the arguer takes into other factors which could also influence the profits, will this suggestion be more convincing.

[ 本帖最后由 高加索 于 2007-8-6 19:50 编辑 ]

joyceningUID：2314914

In this memo, the author suggests that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To verify the suggestion, the arguer provides the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses while the Cheeses of the World magazine claim an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. This argument suffers from several critical flaws. First of all, the evidence that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin is not sufficient to reach to the conclusion that （词组用得不错，请教了）people prefer domestic cheese to imported one. There are many factors could influence the choice of the consumer, among which domestic or imported is just one aspect.  Perhaps considering the possible lower price, the consumers would rather to buy domestic cheeses（这句不太通顺）. Also it is possible that although the cheese from Wisconsin is preferred by consumers, the domestic cheeses produced in other states may not lucky enough. So it is reckless to conclude that all the domestic cheeses are preferred than imported one only according to the record of selling. Secondly, whether the result of the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine is representative is doubtable. Common sense tells us, compared to the total amount of cheese consumers; the number of subscribers of Cheeses of the World may be very small. It is highly possible to make the conclusion of the survey less of convincing. Even if（这个让步后的假设和原来的一样，都是没有代表性，为什么要让步一下）the result is representative, the increasing preference for domestic cheeses could not equal to a considerably large consuming of it. It is also based on the former consuming percentage domestic cheese is. Last but not least, the arguer oversimplified the problem of profits（the elements influencing the profits）. If the discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses is implemented, some other problems may occurred. It is highly possible that the consumer who prefers imported cheeses will give up buying cheeses in the stores, which may necessarily lead to a decrease in the selling. Those unknown factors may result in a decline of profits.In sum, the arguer should provide more facts to convince us that the domestic cheeses are the preferred one of the consumers. Meanwhile, the representation of the survey should also be well illustrated. Additionally, only if the arguer takes into other factors which could also influence the profits, will this suggestion be more convincing.

挺好的点都找到了

269750640UID：2358012

First of all, the evidence that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin is not sufficient to reach to the conclusion that people prefer domestic cheese to imported one.（开篇就把论点抓住了，8错8错） There are many factors could influence the choice of the consumer, among which domestic or imported is just one aspect.  Perhaps considering the possible lower price, the consumers would rather to buy domestic cheeses. Also it is possible that although the cheese from Wisconsin is preferred by consumers, the domestic cheeses produced in other states may not lucky enough. So it is reckless to conclude that all the domestic cheeses are preferred than imported one only according to the record of selling.

Secondly, whether the result of the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine is representative is doubtable. Common sense tells us, compared to the total amount of cheese consumers; the number of subscribers of Cheeses of the World may be very small. It is highly possible to make the conclusion of the survey less of convincing. Even if the result is representative, the increasing preference for domestic cheeses could not equal to a considerably large consuming of it. It is also based on the former consuming percentage domestic cheese is.

Last but not least,（这句好象是口语，个人建议不要用） the arguer oversimplified the problem of profits. If the discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses is implemented, some other problems may occurred. It is highly possible that the consumer who prefers imported cheeses will give up buying cheeses in the stores, which may necessarily lead to a decrease in the selling. Those unknown factors may result in a decline of profits.

In sum, the arguer should provide more facts to convince us that the domestic cheeses are the preferred one of the consumers. Meanwhile, the representation of the survey should also be well illustrated. Additionally, only if the arguer takes into other factors which could also influence the profits, will this suggestion be more convincing.

总体来讲呢，你的风格是不错的，逻辑点也抓住了，语言也不错，但是段落之间的连接稍微显的薄弱了些，在我看来一篇高质量的A不仅仅是完全就是找两个错误然后拼命攻击，更重要的一点是，逻辑主线的把握，弄明白作者是什么样的推理顺序，作者想要说的是什么，然后我们就顺着作者的思路，层层攻击，他说A可以到B可以到C，我们就说A不对，然后A那里不对那里不对，然后又说即使A对的也到不了B，即使到的了B，B也不对，依次推理。当然拉这只是个人意见而已，风格问题，批驳的细化，批驳的合理一样可以高分的！