Issue177 新人报到 plus 求拍砖

stakelifeUID：2377044

各位g友大家好　本人１０G的　９月１２号机考　这次决定考现在想想的确很匆忙　因为在一两个月前我还不知道GRE为何物　只知道是北美研究生用的　就这样报了名　现在既然报了　只好拼命了　人生能有几回搏啊　呵呵　愿和各位g友共同努力　下面是我写的issue　　题号１７７　恳请大家绝对不要手下留情　尽管这是俺的处女作:loveliness:

　题目：TOPIC: ISSUE177 - "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

作文：

Science has not only improved the human beings' daily life, but also altered people's methodology to view this seemingly familiar world. So the reach on a certain discipline will accord us visable material fortunate as well as invisable way to further our recognize of the surrounding settings .

A correct conlusion or theory on a particular field has been proved effecetive in changing our opinions, even altering our behavior. For instance, Newton, who found the gravity law, made people realeased from the restriction of the opinion that many things were conducted by a kind of mysterious force. Newton has offered human beings an important tool to view this world.  Now when we observe a certain phenomenon,we will not turn to some nonexisting forces, but Newton's theory of classic force instead. It does't mean that only the thory provided by Newton is effective, but the way Newton applied in his process of discovery, such as generalization, deduction, analysis and hypothesis, is also taking effect besides.

Unfortunately,on the other hand,  incomplete or even fundamentally incorrect theories may also affect our thought, which will do harm to our production or lives. For example, Aristottle, a very famous phylosofer and scientist, informed the people that the earth was the centre of the universe. Ascribed to his great reputation and well-known intelligence, people accepted his explation which became gradually deeply rooted in peoples' mind because of the low standard of production and observation ability.  Although the declaration turned out to be wrong, however, it once influenced human beings' opinions indeed. The ideas similar to this did alter, but not improve.

Some people may argue that they are not under the influence of some kinds of  academic disciplines, but their behaviors and methods of thinking have exposed their authentic situation. Chinese Centre of Economics Reserch(CCER) has rencently conducted a nationwide survy about people's actions in economic lives. The statistics has revealed that approximately 90 percent people  admit that they often apply the method of "cost-output ratio" which is explained systematically and suggested by the economists. Therefore, people may sometimes may ignor tha fact that they are altered, but the changes continue actually.

Only when a conlusion or theory has been proven completely right hundreds of thousands times can we are convinced without any doubt. Otherwise we should treat these foundings with critical eyes, in that we may be confuse by them, even worse, behave and think in a accordingly wrong way.
　

现在离考试只有４０天不到了　俺现在万分焦急　非常没有底　恳请大家不吝赐教　让砖头来的猛烈一些吧　:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 stakelife 于 2007-8-7 10:55 编辑 ]

stakelifeUID：2377044

自己顶下咯

stakelifeUID：2377044

没人啊 自己再顶一下 hoho~~

woodmanUID：161906

先谢谢你对我的修改，回拍罗，呵呵

Sciencehas not only improved the human beings' daily life, but also altered people'smethodology to view this seemingly familiar world. Sothe reach on a certain discipline will accord us visable material fortunate aswell as invisable way to further our recognize of the surrounding settings .首先，这一句与前面那句没有因果关系，其次，后面这句要回到题目上来，否则破题失败。

Acorrect conlusion(conclusion) or theory on aparticular field has been proved effecetive in changing our opinions, even altering our behavior(even一般用来指更典型更深层次的情况，行为应该没有观念深刻吧？). For instance, Newton, who found thegravity law, made people released from therestriction of the opinion that many things were conducted by a kind ofmysterious force. Newtonhas offered human beings an important tool to view this world.  Nowwhen we observe a certain phenomenon, we will not turn to some nonexistingforces, but Newton'stheory of classic force instead. It doesn’t mean that only the theory providedby Newton is effective, but the way Newton applied in his process of discovery,such as generalization, deduction, analysis and hypothesis, is also takingeffect besides.这个例子本身不错，但是你写的很乱，你到底是说改变了我们还是改变了牛顿自己的方式呢？

Unfortunately,on the other hand, incomplete or even fundamentally incorrect theories mayalso affect our thought, which will do harm to ourproduction or lives（chinglish的感觉）. For example, Aristotle, a very famous philosopher and scientist,informed the people that the earth was the centre of the universe. Ascribed tohis great reputation and well-known intelligence, people accepted his explanationwhich became gradually deeply rooted in peoples' mind because of the lowstandard of production and observation ability.  Although thedeclaration turned out to be wrong, however, it once influenced human beings'opinions indeed. The ideas similar to this did alter, but not improve.

Somepeople may argue that they are not under the influenceof some kinds of  academic disciplines（很chinglish的表达）,but their behaviors and methods of thinking have exposed their authenticsituation. （虾米意思啊？没看懂）Chinese Centre of Economics Research(CCER) has recently conducted anationwide survey about people's actions in economic lives. The statistics hasrevealed that approximately 90 percent people admit that they often applythe method of "cost-output ratio" which is explained systematicallyand suggested by the economists. Therefore, people may sometimes ignore thatfact that they are altered, but the changes continue actually.摆一个survey没有什么说服力

Onlywhen a conlusion or theory has been proven completely right hundreds ofthousands times can we are convinced without any doubt. Otherwise we shouldtreat these foundings with critical eyes, in that we may be confuse by them,even worse, behave and think in a accordingly wrong way.
你好像第一点说研究学术使这些研究者改变观点
第二点说错误理论也会改变研究者的观点
第三点说即使那些不在科研领域的人，观点也被改变了
第一点与第二点都包含有第三点的成份，应该避免重复。例子的使用上，要适当展开，要有铺垫与评价。打错的词很多，呵呵。句式和用词都有待加强。加油！

[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-8-9 17:26 编辑 ]