Issue88 互改

菲子UID??2311527

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
WORDS: 500          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-9
Words: 599 修改不限时。

Technologies have developed quickly since the 19th century, and also bring about a number of changes in human life. However, I do not agree that technologies determine social customs and ethics, for the reason that human beings can choose the ways of living by themselves.

I admit that technologies influence social customs and ethics, since the new technologies often make life more convenient and easier than before, and these may change their habits. For instance, with the invention of the telephone, people can get in touch easily with their beloved ones who live far away without waiting for months to hear from them and also do not need to travel for such a long way. Thus, they may not get together as frequently as before, which may change some customs in the long run. Besides, the new technologies also make people who are not acquainted before and maybe live far from each other become very good friends, even couples, with the help of Internet. Withholding some information of themselves’, they may be more likely to express their ideas completely and do not need worry that anyone on the net will do harm to them in daily lives. In this way, they may be more likely to penetrate the depth of mind in each others'. Therefore, the technologies provide an entirely new way of making friends and expressing ideas, which are important aspects of social customs and ethics.

However, even it is true that technologies influence the social customs and ethics, but they can not determine the social customs and ethics. As I mentioned before, the technologies sometimes change the way of living for some people, that is, change their habits. But not all the habits of individuals will become social customs and ethics, since everyone has the right to choose his/her way of living. Although some people may not get together with their beloved ones as frequently as before, most of the people may still often get together. After all, it is the human beings themselves that determine whether change their habit or not, and if most of them do not want to change, then the social customs and ethics remain. Take making friends on the net as an example again: even if some people are more likely to express their ideas when withholding their information and make friends with someone on the net, many others may still stick to their own ways of making friends. Then the changes happened in some people does not mean the changes in the social customs and ethics.

Further, people may also oppose the development of some technologies since it may challenge social customs and ethics, such as the experiment of cloning human beings. The study of stem cells, which may bring about a lot of benefits to the medical treatment of blood cancer, are disapproved by some scientists and politicians, since it is also an essential part of the experiment of cloning human beings, which challenge the social customs and ethics of human society. Since it is hard to tell the relationship between the cloned one and the original one, and this study may turn over the social customs and ethics in some way, most people do not approve the study of cloning human being. Therefore, although technologies can bring about a lot of changes and new problems to the human society, human beings can still choose to accept the changes or not.

Since human beings can determine their own ways of living, and sometimes refuse the changes that technologies leading to, social customs and ethics are not be decided by technologies.

自我感觉思想性差了一点。

zhoumaxUID??2358398

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
WORDS: 500          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-9
Words: 599 修改不限时。

Technologies have developed quickly since the 19th century, and also bring about a number of changes in human life. However, I do not agree that technologies determine social customs and ethics, for the reason that human beings can choose the ways of living by themselves.

I admit that technologies influence social customs and ethics, since the new technologies often make life more convenient and easier than before, and these may change their habits. For instance, with the invention of the telephone, people can get in touch easily with their beloved ones who live far away without waiting for months to hear from them and also do not need to travel for such a long way. Thus, they may not get together as frequently as before, which may change some customs(能change what customs?最好写出来吧,要不然这个例子像在说电话的好处) in the long run. Besides, the new technologies also make people who are not acquainted before and maybe live far from each other become very good friends, even couples, with the help of Internet. Withholding some information of themselves’, they may be more likely to express their ideas completely and do not need worry that anyone on the net will do harm to them in daily lives. In this way, they may be more likely to penetrate the depth of mind in each others'. Therefore, the technologies provide an entirely new way of making friends and expressing ideas, which are important aspects of social customs and ethics.(后面这个例子通过评论就扣住了ts"改变人们的customs")

However, even it is true that technologies influence the social customs and ethics, but they can not determine the social customs and ethics. As I mentioned before, the technologies sometimes change the way of living for some people, that is, change their habits. But not all the habits of individuals will become social customs and ethics, since everyone has the right to choose his/her way of living. Although some people may not get together with their beloved ones as frequently as before, most of the people may still often get together. After all, it is the human beings themselves that determine whether change their habit or not, and if most of them do not want to change, then the social customs and ethics remain. Take making friends on the net as an example again: even if some people are more likely to express their ideas when withholding their information and make friends with someone on the net, many others may still stick to their own ways of making friends. Then the changes happened in some people does not mean the changes in the social customs and ethics. (论证方法很好,重复使用例子达到连贯,顶一个)

Further, people may also oppose the development of some technologies since it may challenge social customs and ethics, such as the experiment of cloning human beings. The study of stem cells, which may bring about a lot of benefits to the medical treatment of blood cancer, are disapproved by some scientists and politicians, since it is also an essential part of the experiment of cloning human beings, which challenge the social customs and ethics of human society. Since it is hard to tell the relationship between the cloned one and the original one, and this study may turn over the social customs and ethics in some way, most people do not approve the study of cloning human being. Therefore, although technologies can bring about a lot of changes and new problems to the human society, human beings can still choose to accept the changes or not.(最后一句,感觉又绕回到前面一段的ts了,即"人们自己决定该怎么做",

Since human beings can determine their own ways of living, and sometimes refuse the changes that technologies leading to, social customs and ethics are not be decided by technologies.(你的结尾少了tech can influence human customs,这个也是你的一个分论点)

自我感觉思想性差了一点。
总的来说,论证比较连贯,但是显得有点绕,感觉一个事情正过来说又反过来说.可能是因为你B2的ts和B3的ts会有部分重叠的原因吧,因为都涉及到"人们自身决定某些事情",其它的还好了.
也帮我改改吧  http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-718976-1-1.html ,谢谢了

ghost33UID??2267869

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

WORDS: 500          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-9Words: 599 修改不限时。

Technologies have developed quickly since the 19th century, and also bring about a number of changes in human life. However, I do not agree that technologies determine social customs and ethics, for the reason that human beings can choose the ways of living by themselves.

I admit that technologies influence social customs and ethics, since the new technologies often make life more convenient and easier than before, and these may change their habits. For instance, with the invention of the telephone, people can get in touch easily with their beloved ones who live far away without waiting for months to hear from them and also do not need to travel for such a long way. Thus, they may not get together as frequently as before, which may change some customs in the long run. Besides, the new technologies also make people who are not acquainted before and maybe live far from each other become very good friends, even couples, with the help of Internet. Withholding some information of themselves’, they may be more likely to express their ideas completely and do not need worry that anyone on the net will do harm to them in daily lives. In this way, they may be more likely to penetrate the depth of mind in each other’s. Therefore, the technologies provide an entirely new way of making friends and expressing ideas, which are important aspects of social customs and ethics.

如果和你下面一段说的一样，habits不是都最终变成custom的话，你这里简单地从habit跳跃到custom就不是那么信服了。最好是用一个有完整变化过程的例子？？

However, even it is true that technologies influence the social customs and ethics, but[有了even就不要but了吧] they can not determine the social customs and ethics. As I mentioned before, the technologies sometimes change the way of living for some people, that is, change their habits. But not all the habits of individuals will become social customs and ethics, since everyone has the right to choose his/her way of living. Although some people may not get together with their beloved ones as frequently as before, most of the people may still often get together. After all, it is the human beings themselves that determine whether change their habit or not, and if most of them do not want to change, then the social customs and ethics remain. Take making friends on the net as an example again: even if some people are more likely to express their ideas when withholding their information and make friends with someone on the net, many others may still stick to their own ways of making friends. Then the changes happened in some people does not mean the changes in the social customs and ethics.

Further, people may also oppose the development of some technologies since it may challenge social customs and ethics, such as the experiment of cloning human beings. The study of stem cells, which may bring about a lot of benefits to the medical treatment of blood cancer, are disapproved by some scientists and politicians, since it is also an essential part of the experiment of cloning human beings, which challenge the social customs and ethics of human society. Since [这里两个sense靠得太近，不是很好。换一个！]it is hard to tell the relationship between the cloned one and the original one, and this study may turn over the social customs and ethics in some way, most people do not approve the study of cloning human being. Therefore, although technologies can bring about a lot of changes and new problems to the human society, human beings can still choose to accept the changes or not.

Since human beings can determine their own ways of living, and sometimes refuse the changes that technologies leading to, social customs and ethics are not be decided by technologies.

读了之后，觉得语言上没有什么错误吧，但是不是那么让人觉得畅快。可能是深度不够吗？因为有两段说的都是一个小例子，交朋友的那个。可能是挖的深度不够。或许可以找个大一点的custom来讲？

结构是很不错的。

ghost33UID??2267869

觉得你的下一步应该是：

注意文章的深度了。现在的文章没有什么大的问题，但是读完了印象不是很深刻。

加油加油