ISSUE154 欢迎互拍（好想被斑竹改一次......囧）

xiongnashiongUID：2359406

题目：ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
字数：478          用时：00:40:00          日期：2007-8-12 下午 09:03:17

I agree with the speaker that not only professional educators in school should carry the responsibilities of cultivating children, both parents and communities should also engage into this important activity. （ at the same time, people should be very wary that parents sometimes are inclined to intervene and this behavior will pose detrimental effects on children’s education ）

Since children are the administrators of future, whether they are well nurtured or not regarding to the existing of a nation. so education should be put with the highest value of all the people. To reach this goal, any one of parents or communities or educators is indispensable. As a matter of fact, each of them plays their distinct role in education. Parents usually are responsible for children's personalities, they teach children what is right and what is wrong, moreover, when the children get frustrated and confront with failures outside, family is the very place which could provide them with solace. when it comes to schools, we may find that educators serve students interests in imbuing them with knowledge in professional ways, because all the educators receive special training and are equipped to know what constitutes a balanced education, how psychology affects students in different stages and different levels. in the end, we should not neglect the effects of communities, which provide a safe and healthy atmosphere to children. if without anyone of them, obstacles will appears on the way to successful education.

Some people may arguer that although they all are important for a successful education, why parents and communities should be involved in school' work? the answer is obvious. to parents, Most of children's time is spent in school when they are sent there. then teachers and classmates will be familiar with children's behaviors and psychology, for example, teachers may find some students do not study hard and can not concentrate in the class, or they turn out to be too shy to communicate with other person which may impede their capacity for cooperation with others in future. In these cases, although teachers could not afford to address problems of these students all, educators could resort to their parents who will help children to overcome these infirmities after school. When it comes to communities, school educators also could extract the common problems among students and these problem are most likely to born from the deficiency of communities' work. and surely these reports will call the communities' attention and contribute to new improvement. Under this kind of interaction, information are quickly shared and immediate reaction could come out. definitely, children will be the dearest beneficiaries of such cooperation, and that also the purpose of a effective education. without any one of the three, potential for harm will be provided with initial sparks.

Admittedly, parents' should not intervene the ordinary arrangements of educators while they also think they are sufficiently expert by vurtue of the their experience of education. if they try to make the teachers to be the executants of their minds, detrimental effects would be posed on children.


In conclusion, while parents, communities, and educators are cooperate in an effect in education, they should engage in the local school.

woodmanUID：161906

Iagree with the speaker that not only professional educators in school shouldcarry the responsibilities of cultivating children, both parents andcommunities should also engage into this important activity. （ at the same time, people should be very wary that parents sometimes areinclined to intervene and this behavior will pose detrimental effects onchildren’s education ）这个括号的用法是什么意思？

Sincechildren are the administrators of future（有这种表达否？）, whether they are well nurtured or notregarding to the existing of a nation（一个民族的发展更贴切）. so education should be put with（put with value这个表达不地道吧）the highest value of all the people. To reach thisgoal, any one of parents or communities or educators is indispensable. As amatter of fact, each of them plays their distinct role in education. Parentsusually are responsible for children's personalities, theyteach children what is right and what is wrong（personality与对错有什么关系？）, moreover, when the children getfrustrated and confront with failures outside, family is the very place whichcould provide them with solace（这个也不能说教育了孩子personality啊，写成：鼓励孩子乐观和坚强，可能更贴切personality）. when it comes to schools, we may find that educators serve studentsinterests in imbuing them with knowledge in professional ways,（没有因果关系） because all the educators receivespecial training and are equipped to know what constitutes a balanced education,how psychology affects students in different stages and different levels. in the end（换个词吧，这个比较老土，呵呵）, we should not neglect the effects of communities, which provide a safeand healthy atmosphere to children. if without anyone of them, obstacles willappears on the way to successful education. 缺少例子，虽然说了很多理由。你在前面写到any one of parents or communities or educators isindispensable，但是从你的论证来看，是看不出indispensable的，感觉泛泛的堆了很多理由，但是都没有明确的针对主题的感觉。

Somepeople may arguer（argue） that although they all are important for a successful education, whyparents and communities should be involved in school' work? the answer isobvious. to parents, Most of children's time is spent in school when they aresent there. then teachers and classmates will be familiar with children's behaviorsand psychology（心理状态吧，加个condition，或者情绪状况）, for example, teachers may find some students do not study hard and cannot concentrate in the class, or they turn out to be too shy to communicatewith other person which may impede their capacity for cooperation with othersin future. In these cases, although teachers could not afford to addressproblems of these students all, educators could resort to their parents whowill help children to overcome these infirmities after school. When it comes tocommunities, school educators also could extract the common problems amongstudents and these problem are most likely to born from the deficiency ofcommunities' work. and surely these reports will call the communities'attention and contribute to new improvement. Under this kind of interaction,information are quickly shared and immediate reaction could come out.definitely, children will be the dearest beneficiaries of such cooperation, andthat also the purpose of a effective education. without any one of the three,potential for harm will be provided with initial sparks.感觉和上一段有重复啊？school work是教育的一部分，既然你在上面那一段都肯定三者在教育中的重要性，这一段还重复干什么呢？

Admittedly,parents' should not intervene the ordinary arrangements of educators while（这个词用在这儿有点不妥） they also think they are sufficiently expert by virtue of the theirexperience of education. if they try to make the teachers to be the executantsof their minds, detrimental effects would be posed on children.让步段写的太少了，估计是时间限制吧，呵呵

Inconclusion, while parents, communities, and educators are cooperate in aneffect in education, they should engage in the local school.
这个文章最大的问题就是重复了，花了一段说重要（整体-education），然后再花一段说重要（个体-schoolwork），感觉很奇怪哦，逻辑上从整体可以推知个体。那么你后边那段有点多余了。