【夜空的彼方】---高分作文精读贴！（最新更新于8月28号）

orangezhangUID: 2375595

有欣赏语言的感觉，楼主厉害啦！

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

楼主还是不要用斜体字我觉得好些~:loveliness:

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

首先向大家说声抱歉，按计划8月20号的习作分析姗姗来迟，现在才发上来，请大家原谅啊！原因是今天实验室导师安排了好多任务，晚上才闲下来看看IELTS的书。
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Topic: Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?
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In today’s world due to the advancement of technology new inventions are coming into existence. It is a certainty that ‘necessity is a mother of invention’.  Internet is just like a wonder box, which contains every type of information. Besides it has also proved as a very important tool to connect people with each other.
第一段表明自己的观点，从科技创新说起，引到互联网这个上。这种从大概念到小概念的转换，想要说明一个具体问题，可以先说这一问题所归属的那一类事物总的特点，很有用。
之外，"neccessity is a mother of invention"---------需求是发明之母，类似的这种"母子关系"的idioms在英语中还有很多，在写作中很有用的，略举几例：

diligence is the mother of good luck	勤奋是好运之母
absence is the mother of disillusion	疏离是觉悟之母
hatred is the mother of hatred, love is the mother of love	恨生恨，爱生爱
want is the mother of industry	贫而后知勤;    贫乏是勤勉之母
idleness is the mother of all evil	一懒生百邪;    懒惰是万恶之源
Failure is the mother of success	失败是成功之母
Necessity is the mother of invention.	需要是发明之母.
ignorance is the mother of impudence	无知则无礼
Experience is the mother of wisdom	经验是智慧之母

In today’s modernized era nobody has sufficient time to write letters to their loved ones. Moreover it also takes longer to send or receive any information. But through an internet it is an easiest way to send massages to our loved ones. Either it can be in the form of an e- mail or by text messages from internet to cell phones. We can send and receive messages straight way.
第二段以互联网能提高人与人之间交流的便捷性为例，论述互联网带给人们的好处。
in the form of-----以...的形式

In other hand today’s youth generation mostly prefer to do chatting on internet. Through this chatting we can write messages and straight way can get their reply. Moreover voice chatting is going to be very popular day-by-day.
继续举例，步步为营！其实从开始到现在也就是举了两个例子而已：一个互联网使得交流速度更快捷，另一个是语音聊天，但是不是有种作者似乎理由很充分的感觉？我的看法是，因为作者在这里做了分段处理。（这一观点有待商榷，欢迎大家提出自己的看法！其实很有必要研究一下，这个问题可以上升为如何举例的问题，我们在写作的过程中，要么感觉例子不够用，要么不知道如何将例子展开，往往提出一个例子之后，就放在那里了，没有很好的加以利用以更好的支持我们的论点。）

As it is a reality that advantages and disadvantages are like both sides of a coin, which usually runs parallel. So like other things internet also have some downsides, like people are facing some health problems for example, poor eye-sight, back ache, migrane. Today’s teenagers usually prefer to spend their time on internet rather than to participating in other physical activities, so that’s why they are going to be weaker in their physical health.
如果一味的对自己的观点加以袒护，反而会让人觉得是因为心虚，这里还是让步，很重要的一种论证方法，在这里再强调一次。另外在叙述顺序上，可以先让步后正面支持自己的立场，也可以先正面支持自己的立场后让步，如本文。
advantages and disadvantages are like both sides of a coin, which usually runs parallel------句子是个好句子，但是在中国学生中似乎已经被用烂了，胆子大的可以用！:)

To conclude, I would like to say that internet is one of the most modernized and most successful tools, not only for communication, even to get most relevant information regarding every field in a very short period of time.
结尾将正反两方面都做论述，进一步声援自己的论点，完成全文的论述。

【TIPS】：分享今晚看书得到一点东西。美国写作研究专家鲁迪劳(Joer Rudinow)关于写作的一个比喻十分贴切，他认为，作者好比是一个领舞的人，而读者则是作者的舞伴。作为作者，想像你的读者---舞伴在接受了你的邀请并且一直跟着你穿过了你所安排的种种观点。现在是你离开的时候了，你这是要做的是加深而不是削弱读者对这次共同经历的印象。

全文总结：觉得很难掌握自己文章结构的同学，可以参考一下这篇文章，典型的总-正-反-总结构，同理，你也可以总-反-正-总的论述。
学习写作的过程，是一种分析问题的能力和使用语言技能的培养。对于IELTS所要求的这篇议论文来说，常常是对一个有争议的问题表明自己的立场并提供有力的证据。因此，除了语言的磨练之外，你有必要首先掌握议论文的写作要领，当然对于我们中国学生来说，这不是什么大问题，但是，在下笔之前头脑中有一个清晰的文章结构是必须的，否则，你连自己都无法说服，又何谈去得到考官的认可呢？

考官评点：This is a great essay, well done! Remember “the Internet” is a proper noun, currently, there is only one. Pay attention to your punctuation - many commas are missing after linking words. Otherwise, the essay is well argued and set out.


PS：今晚天气真热，作着一动不动都出汗。。。。不知道现在坛子里的兄弟还有几个？
送给大家一张清凉图片，就当是解解暑吧。。。。让人又爱又恨的summer~

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-21 02:00 编辑 ]

james.gumpUID: 2386126

:handshake THANKS A LOT

leeromUID: 2350906

好贴!留名学习!!!1

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

高分作文的思路和结构都很清晰,语言很流畅又富有多样性.
我觉得象我们这样一般水平的人着重要要丰富内容,还有运用例证
会使文章显得生动有说服力,另外再确保没什么语法错误就OK了

liugq81UID: 2330502

不错 值得学习：）

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

问一下楼主这些范文是哪里的？:loveliness:

xidanlindaUID: 108004

thank you so much!
好贴，写的不错！！！

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

问一下楼主，第一篇文章，这句中的主语不是this?  conduce不用加“s”?
This, accompanied with the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually conduce to a better grasping of new knowledge.
谢谢~:loveliness:

bqianaUID: 193168

难得的作文精细贴！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

原帖由 啦啦啦qlm 于 2007-8-22 00:31 发表
问一下楼主这些范文是哪里的？:loveliness:

这些范文是我在国外一个网站上看到的~呵呵
这里是地址：http://www.ielts-blog.com/index.php/category/ielts-writing-samples/

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

原帖由 啦啦啦qlm 于 2007-8-22 01:43 发表
问一下楼主，第一篇文章，这句中的主语不是this?  conduce不用加“s”?
This, accompanied with the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually conduce to a better grasping of new knowledge. ...

这句的主语，我感觉应该是This和前半句~
conduce在usually后边啊，不用加s吧？ 呵呵

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

原帖由 bqiana 于 2007-8-22 07:50 发表
难得的作文精细贴！

Thanx！:handshake

futuremanUID: 2327059

HK推荐的帖子一定来看~~~
很赞LZ的分析!