【夜空的彼方】---高分作文精读贴！（最新更新于8月28号）

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Topic: With all the troubles in the world today, money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other things.

Nations after nations, everyday, every year, celebrate their achievements in space exploration . However, it is now time to question how meaningful these blasts are. This essay aims to explain why it is questionable.

First, until all urgent and important matters in this globe have been solved, money bumped on space exploration is of no meaning. It is not a common sense at all to invest million dollars researching and producing foods for astronauts (for space exploration purpose), while everyday thousands of people are starving. Furthermore, the discovery of outer space only serves a minor group of people if the majority are even not well-educated. Those in rural areas or third-world nations do no even know how to prevent common threatening diseases like AIDS and lung cancer.
这段首句作者表明自己的态度，然后加以例证支持。所举例的手法值得我们学习，这里使用了对比的写作手法，将探索太空花费巨大与许多人尚处于饥饿状态，太空探索的服务对象只是少数人而大多数人甚至没有接受良好的教育进行对比，能够给读者产生深刻的印象，也比较容易引起共鸣。

Then, some may argue that the purpose of space exploration are to discover new lands, new energy resources or to deter potential threat to globe. Nevertheless, is it effective to do so while other alternatives are available? Lands on earth are no yet effectively used. New energy resources (e.g. solar and nuclear energy) have not yet been widely-used. Threats of plagues have not yet been deterred. All these “not- yets” need money. That is why costly space discovery programs are a waste of money.
很多人觉得雅思写作的结构很难把握，通过分析这些优秀习作，不难看出，其实雅思作文的结构，相比较它对语言的流畅性和基本语法的要求来说，是最简单的。
另外这段举了好几个例子，可以作为我们以后写作的素材。

In the nutshell, people should only invest in space exploration providing that early-mentioned urgent and important matters have been solved. Also, purposes of space exploration campaign should be studied carefully and other alternatives should be considered before money is wasted.
结尾也很简单，就是说应该干什么而不应该干什么，或者我同意应该怎样做，但是，其它做法也有可去之处。Agree or disagree，重要的是，必须在结尾表明自己的态度。

不同于前边几篇8分作文，这是一篇7分的习作，无论是用词还是造句，都没有什么特别的地方。由此可见，常见的单词+并不十分复杂的句式，只要能把问题说清楚，减少低级错误，一样可以拿到7分！重要的是，考官在读你写的东西的时候尽量少让他"stop at errors"，这样才有可能得到一个相对满意的分数！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Topic: It is said that people’s life now is becoming more and more stressful. What are the causes and how to solve it?
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The acceleration of industrialization and the prosperity of economy benefit our society a great deal. But with the speeding up of economic development, people are facing more and more pressure from various aspects of their life. This essay will explore the causes for the heavy pressure and put forward some feasible solutions.
这是一篇解释原因并提出解决措施的题型，不同于前边几篇主要是陈述个人观点，或者对题目观点的同意与否，这种要作者针对题目所提出的某一问题分析原因并给出建议的题目类型，应该怎么写呢？通过学习这篇习作，我们应该掌握一些通常的方法。
几个不错的表达：speeding up = accelaration---------加速，提速
除此之外，首句和最后一句，我们在写作的时候也能用的上，值得学习。

One of the major causes is that（开始提原因了） people’s living rhythm has been promoted immensely with the upgrading of neo-knowledge and hi-tech. To keep abreast with the society, people have to work intensively on the one hand and improve their knowledge on the other. The economic globalization strengthened international cooperation and expand people’s scope of activity. The fierce social competition deprives people of their spare time and makes their life more stressful.
分析现代社会人们为什么会感觉到压力大的原因，是因为新的只是和高科技所带来的生活节奏的提高，以及经济全球化使得人们的活动范围变得更大，减少了休闲的时间，使得人们的生活变得比以往压力更大。
living rhythm---------生活节奏
neo-knowledge---------新知识
hi-tech = high techonology---------高科技
keep abreast with = keep up with = keep pace with---------跟上（发展等）
...on the one hand and ... on the other.---------一方面是....另一方面是.....
deprive = take away---------夺走，很好用的词语!

Another factor comes from the pressure of people’s family. People in the current society have to shoulder the responsibility of family maintenance. On the one hand, people have to care for their parents, creating for them a happy and comfortable life. On the other hand, they have to give their children good education. To earn more money, people have to work very hard to finance their family.
接着分析来自家庭的原因，照顾老人和抚育孩子也是很大的压力来源。到目前为止，只是在分析原因，并没有提出该怎么解决，但这并不表示所有这种题型的文章都应该这么写，也可以提出一个原因，接着提出解决方案，具体看题目适合哪种写法了。
shoulder the responsibility of---------承担....的责任
family maintenance---------养家

If people live in heavy pressure, they will have problems both physically and psychologically. To relieve the pressure, I think the following suggestions are feasible and practical. Firstly, people are suggested to go in for some sports games in their spare time or at the weekend. Sports can build up people’s physique and make them vigorous. Secondly, people should communicate with others frequently and confess their trouble and difficulty to others, which is a very magic way to release one’s pressure. Finally, people have to find a balance between money and health. Otherwise, one’s health will be overdrawn and spoiled by money earning.
呵呵，这一段开始提出面临压力过大时可以采取的应对措施了，参加一些体育活动可以有效减少压力，同时当压力过大时，与朋友进行交流和倾诉，也是一种解压的方法。
feasible and practical--------可行和实用的，可以用于描述某种solution or measure

In brief, good life should not be obtained at the price of the deterioration of one’s health. People should improve their living pattern and lead a life of high quality.
结尾申明自己的观点，到目前为止，我读过的所有雅思类范文和习作，无一不是在结尾非常鲜明的表明自己的态度，哪怕少些一些句子都行，千万不要贪图字数或者要写一些长难句，用不相关的信息冲淡考官对你的论点的印象。
the price of---------....的代价

纵观全文，可见这类【问题——措施】题并不是很难写，无外乎开头第一段说一下问题是存在的，接着一般是分析引起问题的原因123，然后提出解决措施123，结尾表明自己的态度：问题很严重，不重视是不行滴，诸如此类。从“思想”的角度上来说，可见雅思写作还蛮无聊的，毕竟参加雅思考试的，都是经历过高考和无数次大小考试的洗礼，看过我对雅思作文的分析，抛开语言，单从写作的基础知识来讲，我们在高中甚至初中的时候就能写出胜过雅思作文水平的东西了。But，这是雅思考试，我们不缺“思想”，我们缺的是语言，是一种表达自己思想的能力，还是那句话，语言只是一种工具，好好学习它吧！借用一句广告词——再好的戏，没有声音也出不来！同样，再好的思想，如果只能是写给懂中文的人来看，岂不是很可惜？:)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-23 23:25 编辑 ]

lingling60UID: 2357568

好！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

谢谢大家的鼓励！:)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-28 02:26 编辑 ]

165802UID: 2383589

向楼主学习分析作文~~

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

怎么不更新了~我在等待学习呢~:loveliness:

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Sharing with a Roommate
文章来源：http://www.writefix.com/argument/sharing.htm
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Many students are obliged to share accommodation with another student while in college. Sharing may seem awkward at first, but it may prove to be a very good experience. [在这里作者其实已经点明论点了，虽然后边还比较含蓄的说本文将探讨与舍友分享的好处和坏处。可见在文章一开头点明自己的观点很重要，除非你在这个问题上准备保持中立，否则，建议直白一点，老外的思维就是这样，和东方人的习惯不太一样，自己再揣摩一下]In this essay, the benefits and disadvantages of living with a roommate will be discussed, as well as the qualities needed in a good roommate.

If you have never shared with someone, you may have some difficulties adjusting.[TS句简洁明了] You may find that the other person is very different in character and he or she doesn't suit you as a companion. Will he person be clean and tidy? Will she eat the same food or enjoy the same music? How should you react to your roommate's friends? [连续几个问句，给人印象深刻，并且引起读者的思考，如果你确实说的有理，很容易唤起共鸣]And of course, there is the issue of telephone bills and shared expenses. For some people, the lack of privacy is the biggest challenge, while others may find their roommates over-sensitive or distant. [It is essential to] try to understand each other and make living together more pleasant and even fun.

Yes, fun, because there are many positive aspects to sharing. New students are often far away from their families and friends, and may experience loneliness and homesickness. Both may also be facing new challenges in their studies. [这里没有正面说sharing with roommate的好处，而是说了新生可能会面临的一些问题，就像是卖补钙药的，想要把自己的药卖出去之前，先要大肆广告宣传，搞得这个世界上每个人都缺钙似的，然后再卖效果就好多了。在写作上是一样的道理，只不过你这里“卖”的不是补钙药，而是你的论点。]Sharing offers companionship to people who might otherwise have to face these problems alone. Furthermore, since college is not just about academic learning, sharing is an opportunity to develop communication skills so that a good atmosphere is established. Both students can learn from each other about new interests and explore new activities. However, it is important to realize that your roommate does not have to be your best friend. In fact, the most desirable feature when living with someone else is respect for the other person's needs. Neither you nor your roommate will be right all the time.[正反一起论证，更显写作功底，这样写的好处显而易见，不会遇到整段都是正面或反面论证的情况，那样容易给读者造成看问题太片面的印象，另外，对于雅思常见的4段式写作，很多人喜欢把反面论证放在第三段，这样结尾第四段如果再转过来便显得生硬，而正反一起论证就不会出现这种问题。但是，这种论证方式要求你的思路特别清晰，知道每一个问题的advantage和disadvantage是什么，免得写到最后自己本来是要支持的，却发现反对也挺有道理。。。。]

In conclusion, I think that there are more benefits than disadvantages in having a roommate, but it depends on both dealing with concerns honestly and sensitively in order to make student life as happy as possible.[很中规中矩的结尾，支持或反对某观点，但是不管支持还是反对都是有条件的，比较理性客观]
(Based on an essay from Irene Couzinaki. Thanks, Irene!)
337 words

总评：虽然不是专为IELTS而写，但是无可否认这是一篇论证严密，非常地道的Augumentive Essay，其中许多论证方法值得学习。

PS：最近好几天没有更新，很对不起那些关注这个帖子的朋友，最近下午都要去实验室，只有晚上看看IELTS，只要有时间，我一定会坚持更新的，也希望大家能多提提意见，让这个帖子能为初学IELTS写作的人提供一些帮助！:)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-28 02:54 编辑 ]

damien.lauUID: 2365462

这几篇，语法问题， 结构问题，比较多，呵呵，斑竹斧正

abigmanUID: 2230224

原帖由 djconan 于 2007-8-18 19:58 发表
斑竹能把字弄大么？太小了，眼睛疼！！！！

我也觉得,有点挤

PS 是个好楼

huangyuhuanmayUID: 2235960

:) :) :) :) 3k~~~~

torandrosUID: 2327451

thx