小妹的作文，麻烦大家看一下~谢谢

lawesUID: 2268136

As the development of modern science and technology, some aspects of traditional culture are being lost, so some people think that the traditioinal culture and technology will be replaced by the modern science and technology such as computer or internet, what is your opinion?


小妹的一篇作文，麻烦大家帮着批一下~谢谢了:loveliness: 不知道6分有没有希望啊~
写这篇作文时，小妹有个疑惑，就是modern science and technology和traditioinal culture究竟用不用替换，因为他们在文章中出现了很多次。要是替换，该如何替换~这个我有点困惑啊~麻烦大家指点一下。
The widely supported application of modern science and technology, which results in the invention of many useful products like computer and internet, have changed our life to a considerable extent.In the light of this situation, some people argue that our traditional culture will be abandoned. However, I am not a believer in the argument that modern science and technology could take the place of conventional culture.

In the first place, although the modern science and technology brings us many benefits, the traditional culture will not be lost because of their distinguishing feature. For instance, when TV came into being, radio station was afraid that it was the end of their popularity among people's life. Someone predicted that television would replace radio in a short term. Nevertheless, the prediction is not come true up to the present time. Compare with TV set, radio has its own merits that it is easy to carry and convenient to listen to. Therefore, traditional culture will exist by their particular characteristics.  

In the second place, modern science and technology and traditional culture are not incompatible. As a matter of fact, traditional culture can be preserved by modern technological means. For example, some countries' ancient customs can be recorded with video camera. Then we can upload the video to the internet and share it with anyone who is interested in. As we all can see, traditional culture can also reap the benefit of modern science and technology.

To sum up, the development of modern science and technology is not mean the demise of old lifestyle; on the contrary, our traditional culture will have strong vitality by right of modern science and technology.

[ 本帖最后由 lawes 于 2007-8-20 09:58 编辑 ]

djconanUID: 2257634

首先，这个文章是在问现代科技是否会取代传统科技，我写过一个类似的文章你可以看看，我写的也不一定好，可以讨论一下拉

With the application of modern science and technology to the society, an increasing number of people are in favor of using them as a vital part of daily life, such as computer and internet. In the light of this situation很好，学习一下, some people argue that our traditional culture will be abandoned. However, I am not a believer in the argument that modern science and technology could take the place of conventional culture.有点重复，直接说I am not agree with it.

In the first place, although the modern science and technology brings us many benefits, the traditional culture will not be lose because of their distinguishing feature很好. For instance, when TV came into being, radio station was afraid that it was the end of their popularity among people's life. Someone predicted that television would replace radio in a short term. Nevertheless, the prediction is not come true up 不懂啥意思to the present time. Compare with TV set, radio has its own merits that it is easy to carry and convenient to listen to. Therefore, traditional culture will exist by their particular characteristics.  

In the second place, modern science and technology and traditional culture are not incompatible. As a matter of fact, traditional culture can be preserved by modern technological means. For example, some countries' ancient customs can be recorded with video camera. Then we can upload the video to the internet and share it with anyone who is interested in. As we all can see, traditional culture can also reap the benefit of modern science and technology.啥意思，不懂

To sum up, the development of modern science and technology is not mean the demise 好棒的词of old lifestyle; on the contrary, our traditional culture will have strong vitality by right 这里是啥意思of modern science and technology.
总的说，很好，肯定可以6，有很多很好的表达值得学习

lawesUID: 2268136

I am not a believer in the argument that modern science and technology could take the place of conventional culture.有点重复，直接说I am not agree with it.
这句是为了凑字数。。。。。。

is not come true  （up to the present time）是这么分的，就是到现在也没有变成现实。

reap the benefit of 就是从什么受益。。
by right of 就是凭借的意思。。。不知道这么用对不对

谢谢djconan~:loveliness:


[ 本帖最后由 lawes 于 2007-8-19 19:36 编辑 ]

djconanUID: 2257634

我的名字写错啦，djconan
reap the benefit of 就是从什么受益， 这个我没见过拉，你在什么地方看到的？还是自己写的？

lawesUID: 2268136

reap the benefit of
是个词组吧~应该有这个词组

kambo008UID: 2385524

I think we should put some examples as to whether the mordern technology can replace our traditional culture in the essay. For example, although it is very convenient to have a video conference with your friend through the internet, it can't entirely replace with the traditional culture that we go out with our friends to have a social gathering.

[ 本帖最后由 kambo008 于 2007-8-19 21:52 编辑 ]

mmyjennyUID: 2382970

come ture 是一个动词词组,为什么你还要夹一个is呢?

gringoireUID: 2221541

With the application of modern science and technology to the society, an increasing number of people are in favor of using them as a vital part of daily life, such as computer and internet.(偶觉得着句话写地有点拗口~  我觉得平实一点写,  The widely supported application of modern science and technology, which results in the invention of many useful products like computer and internet, have changed our life to a considerable extent.  好吧,其实我也写地很拗口,我不知道怎么把这句话改地顺畅些~~~~水平有限)
In the light of this situation, some people argue that our traditional culture will be abandoned. However, I am not a believer in the argument that modern science and technology could take the place of conventional culture.(对的,有点罗嗦了,可以简单地写 i don't belief it然后概括2个原因)

In the first place, although the modern science and technology brings (弱弱地问,应该复数么?偶的语法比较弱|)us many benefits, the traditional culture will not lose because of their distinguishing feature. For instance, when TV came into being, radio station was afraid that it was the end of their popularity among people's life. Someone predicted that television would replace radio in a short term. Nevertheless, the prediction is(继续弱弱的问,应该用完成时么?) not come true up to the present time. Compare(compared?) with TV set, radio has its own merits that it is easy to carry and convenient to listen to. Therefore, traditional culture will exist by their particular characteristics.  (这个,听录音机算culture吗? 这个算TECH比较好吧~ 而且我觉得举RADIO不如举NEWSPAPER, 因为现在大家听MP3么,但是NEWSPAPER还是要看的~ 实际上,TV普及的时候,很多报纸商都认为,有了电视新闻,大家就不看NEWSPAPER了)

In the second place, modern science and technology and traditional culture are not incompatible. As a matter of fact, traditional culture can be preserved by modern technological means. For example, some countries' ancient customs can be recorded with video camera. Then we can upload the video to the internet and share it with anyone who is interested in. As we all can see(这个表达有点诡异啊), traditional culture can also reap the benefit of modern science and technology.

To sum up, the development of modern science and technology is(dose?) not mean the demise of old lifestyle; on the contrary, our traditional culture will have strong vitality by right of modern science and technology.

lawesUID: 2268136

谢谢gringoire
mmyjenny
kambo008
你们的意见很正确，我会照着你们的意见修改的~

lawesUID: 2268136

brings (弱弱地问,应该复数么?偶的语法比较弱|)
is(继续弱弱的问,应该用完成时么?)
the development of modern science and technology is(dose?) not mean
Compare(compared?) with TV set
小妹的语法程度基本为0~:funk: 请问这些该怎么修改啊~