issue54 请大家帮我改改

cxlUID: 2386864

ISSUE54 - "History teaches us only onething: knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisionstoday."
字数:          用时：00:45:00          日期：8/23/2007 10:05:39 AM
论点:历史虽然不能帮助今天的人民解决所有的问题,但是我们也不能忽视他对现代社会的重要性.

提纲:
1.      历史对我们尝试新的东西的时候帮助不大美国向月球发射飞船的例子.
2.      历史在很多方面对我们今天的很多决定有重大的影响, 战争还是和平.
3.      借鉴历史促进发展. (牛顿)
4.      历史也教会我们不要迷信权威. (伽利略 爱因斯坦)

The function of the history for world todaydescribed in this statement-so at least it seems to me-is somewhat incomplete.

Admittedly, world today has been changing with each passing day and thus is very different compared with the past. The history, sometimes, has little help,especially, when we today attempt to do some thing which has never been done before. For example, from the ancient time to the present day, there is no experience before the first time when the America attempts to launch their moon craft. To be successful or not is totally depend on that day’s  relevant theory and technology level. Although all the things seemed has been prepared well, the scientists still can not foresee all the other factors one of which may lead the process into failure. But the Americans still started this great behavior. Lacking such precedent can preclude human from challenging the space.

However, we can not deny the fact that history in most time can help people make momentous decision today. The history is continued and thus the human civilization gestated in it is also developing gradually. The miserable lesson of the two world wars told us that there is no victory in the war.Any behavior tries to resolve the dispute by the war is unadvisable and dangerous. Therefore most of the countries today seek for the UN's meditation and try their utmost to resolve the controversy through peaceful negotiation.The China and Russiahas demarcated their long frontier line, and then they could corporate in many aspects and develop together based on mutual credit.

The history can also teach us more. Since our predecessors contributed huge in many aspects, we could today use their production for further research.Science, artist, literature and the other disciplines all progress in such way.As the great scientist Newtons aid, if I have seen father than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants. Indeed, his three fundamental laws of mechanics are more orless benefited from the other scientists’ contribution.

But, the history also told us that we should not believe authority blindly without own consideration. Since limit of epoch or individual reason,some great scientists' theories are somewhat inaccurate or even wrong. The Italian great scientist Galileo advanced the law of uniform acceleration off falling bodies which overturned the Grecian scientist Aristotle' s view that the falling velocity of a body relevant to its quality which has been acceptedin Europe for nearly two thousand years. What is more surprising is the appearance of relativity advanced by Einstein questioned the accuracy of the Newton's mechanical theory and told people that the Newton's laws can not be adapted in micro world. Obviously, the relativity may be questioned one day.So, the sprit of standing up against the authority is indispensable for us tobe closer to the instinct of the universe.

In a word, since the immense dissimilarity between past and today, it isimpossibility to get the help from the history to settle all the problems we face today. However, it is also unreasonable to neglect the function of history for the development of world today.

[ 本帖最后由 cxl 于 2007-8-27 15:47 编辑 ]

wizjoUID: 2175360

你的中文论点我可以接受：历史虽然不能帮助今天的人民解决所有的问题,但是我们也不能忽视他对现代社会的重要性。

The function of the history for world today described in this statement-so (前面都还没成句，没必要用连词so，而且我也没看出因果关心来)at least it seems to me-is somewhat incomplete.
这个表达有点怪啊，这么说不知道是否表达了你的意图：The function of the history in the world today is circusribed in this statement, at least it seems to me so.

Admittedly, world today has been changing with each passing day andthus is very different compared with the past. The history, sometimes,has little help,especially, when attempt to do some thing which hasnever been done before. (attempt的主语不是history！) For example, from the ancient time to thepresent day, there is no experience before the first time when theAmerica attempted to launch their moon craft (to land on the moon, to be precise :)). To be successful or not istotally depend on that day’s level of relevant theory and technology.(To succeed or not totally depended on the science and technology level at that time.) Although all the things seemed to have been prepared well, the scientistsstill could not foresee all the other factors one of which (that one of them) may lead theprocess to be failing (to failure). But the Americans still started this greatbehavior. Lacking such precedent not mean (did not preclude human from...) that human should stopchallenging the space.

However, we can not deny the fact that history in most times (circumstances) can helppeople make momentous decision today. The history is (/) continues and thusthe human civilization gestated (generated?) in it is also developing step by step.The miserable lesson of the two world wars told us that there is novictory before (?是否想说there is no victor in a war?) the war. Any behavior tries to resolve the dispute by thewar is unadvisable and dangerous. Therefore most of the countries todayseek for the UN's meditation and try their utmost to resolve thecontroversy through peaceful negotiation.The (/,这个the就别要了吧==||) China and Russia hasdemarcated their long frontier line, and then they could corporate inmany aspects and develop together based on mutual credit. (没看懂这句。)

The history (History) can also teach us more. Since our predecessors contributedhuge in many aspects, we could today use their production for furtherresearch. Science, artist, literature and the other disciplines allprogress in such way. As the great scientist Newton said, if I have seenfarther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder ofgiants. Indeed, his three fundamental laws of mechanics are more or lessbenefited from the other scientists’ contribution.

But, the history (history) also told us that we should not believe authorityblindly without ourselves' consideration (our own reasoning). Since limit of epoch orindividual reason,some great scientists' theories are somewhatinaccurate or even wrong. The Italian great (两个adj位置交换) scientist Galileo advancedthe law of uniform acceleration of falling bodies which overturned theGrecian scientist Aristotle' s view that the falling velocity of a bodyrelevant to its quality which has been accepted in Europe for nearly twothousand years. What is more surprising is the appearance of relativityadvanced by Einstein questioned the accuracy of the Newton's mechanicaltheory (Mechanism and Machine Theory，这个是我google后的结果) and told people that the Newton's laws can not be adapted inmicro world. Obviously, the Relativity (不大写怎么区分爱因斯坦的《相对论》与一般的相对性呢？) may be questioned one day. So,the spirit of standing up against the authority is indispensable for usto be closer to the instinct (essence)of the universe.

In a word, since (引导从句，改为with) the immense dissimilarity between past and today, itis impossibility to get the help from the history to settle all theproblems we face today. However, it is also unreasonable to neglect the otherfunctions of history for the development of world today.

建议：
1. 很多小错误啊，拼写的，还有些不确定的词都写上去了。可以在Word里先检查一遍，扫荡完这些基本错误，不然改的人很费劲的。
2. 复习时间充足的话，可以多差些资料，总结写例子，这样例证起来就会顺畅多了。

加油！～

cxlUID: 2386864

首先,非常感谢wizjo耐性的修改.对自己拙劣的写作水平也备感汗颜.
不过还是想要说明一些情况:
1.so at least it seems to me是从新4中的第11篇课文中看过来的,原句如下:
The best way to overcome it-so at least it seems to me-is to make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal.....
我不清楚这样照搬对不对.
3.里面一些拼写如thepresent 是the present 我也不知道为什么从word粘贴到这里就联在一起了
3.对列子的描述,我的水平确实还不够,相信会进步的.

最后,再一次感谢wizjo的指点,以及'加油'的鼓励:):handshake
这篇作文我会在好好改改的. 也希望你加油

[ 本帖最后由 cxl 于 2007-8-27 15:49 编辑 ]

wizjoUID: 2175360

Re1. 那么说确实是可以的～～呵呵，我第一次没看明白==||

恩恩，一起加油！～