【8月24日】大小作文各一篇，拍拍拍！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

迟到的作文，本来是昨天的作业，但是昨晚偷懒去看电视剧了，自我检讨一个。。。。;d:

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Task 1
The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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This bar chart shows the total number of prisoner in five countries from 1930 to 1980.

As can be seen from this table, among the five countries, the figure of Great Britain was least in most years, it raised gradually from nearly 30,000 in 1930 to more than 80,000 in 1980. The number of Australia was approximately 70 thousands at beginning, the lowest point occurred in 1940, which was less than 50,000, then, increased to nearly 80,000 in 1970, a sharply decreasing occurred in 1980, which was only half million. The number of New Zealand was higher compared to its Oceanian neighbor, decreased sharply by nearly 50 per cent from a million in 1930 to less than 60 thousands in 1940, and then rised rapidly to about 80 thousands in 1970, followed with a sudden fall in 1980. There was a fluctuate but steady downward tendency of the number in Canada, decreasing from almost 120,000 to about 100,000. The prisoner in United States increased rapidly from 100,000 to 140,000 during this period. (Words:173)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-24 02:55 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Task 2Topic: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?
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提纲：
第一段——在过去二十年里，妇女的社会地位得到了很大的提高。有些人开始认为，诸如青少年犯罪这些问题应该归咎于已婚妇女没有足够的时间照顾他们的子女。我不认可这种观点。
第二段——社会地位包括受教育的权利，更好的医疗保障以及从事更加高级的工作，毫无疑问，妇女的社会地位越来越得到提高。譬如，在政府和企业里，妇女不只是作为秘书和一般工作人员，越来越多的女性开始进入管理层，发挥和男性一样的作用。
第三段——诚然，因为要从事更加繁忙的工作，妇女不可能像以前一样只是做一个家庭主妇，照料子女的时间肯定会减少，但是，这只能是青少年犯罪的一个部分原因，甚至只能说是一个间接原因。整个社会对于青少年的影响，例如电视节目中频繁出现的暴力镜头，加之年轻人本身心智就不成熟，是造成越来越多的青少年犯罪的直接原因。
第四段——面对问题，我们应该加以深入分析，譬如青少年犯罪，政府应该采取严厉措施限制暴力犯罪节目的数量，多加以正面教育，而不是将责任简单的归结在妇女社会地位的提高上。当然，作为家长，除了工作之外，也应该尽可能的抽出更多的时间陪子女。
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The social statues of women have promoted significantly in the past decade. Thus somebody argue that a lot of problems young children now experience, such as juvenile delinquency should owe to deficiency of time for married women in caring their children. In my opinion, this claim fall to an error that simplify the problem.

The right to receiving good education, possessing medical security as well as engaging in high level job position are all parts of social statues which raised undoubtedly in recent years. Not only as secretary and clerk, but also as manager and administrator that women begin to engage in government and company. Take the secretary of United States, Rice for example, who had studied in University of Denver and now is one of the most powerful persons in the world.

It is admittedly that due to hard work, for women only be a housewives is impossible and consequently conduce the lacking of time to take care their children. However, this is just a indirect reason of the rising in crime rate for young people. It seems to me that the main causes are influences of whole society, such as frequently occurrences of violent and pornographic scenes in TV operas and movies, together with immaturity of juvenile mind, lead young people to a road of crime.

Whenever facing problems, the proper measure is making an intensive analysis rather than simplify the problems. Over this matter of juvenile delinquency, government should adopt series steps such as establish strict measures to cut down the amount of violent programs instead of positive education. As parents, in addition to working hardly, it is necessary for married women to pay more attention to their children.
(Words:287)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-24 03:01 编辑 ]

H-KevinUID: 2182070

真的是很认真阿，向你学习，这么晚了都没有睡觉~~~~~~~~~~~~

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

呵呵，夏天一般都睡的比较晚~中午补回来：）
你也没睡啊？

67169619UID: 2320695

先佩服你的认真

不过lz的作文要“按时”完成哦，要卡表在60分钟内写完，先保证你的时间
要不到了考场，，，，，

牛肉伢子UID: 197768

呵呵  确实睡得很晚阿楼主

羡慕啊 不像我还要上班 。。。
T_T

forbeckUID: 2297645

楼主交作文的时候，我已经作了两场梦了吧;d:

太有毅力了:handshake
ps我最近也小迷电视剧了，嗯！要端正态度~~~~;)

capricUID: 2331822

The social statues status (差点没发现~~) of women have have been promoted [主动还是被动？我也昏了！~~~] significantly in the past decade decades . Thus somebody argue argues that a lot of problems young children now experience, such as juvenile delinquency should owe to deficiency of time for married women in caring caring for their children. In my opinion, this claim fall falls to an error that simplify the problem.

The right to receiving good education, possessing medical security as well as engaging in high level job position are all parts of social statues status which raised undoubtedly in recent years. Not only as secretary and clerk, but also as manager and administrator that women begin to engage in government and company. Take the secretary of United States, Rice for example, who had studied in University of Denver and now is one of the most powerful persons in the world.

It is admittedly that due to hard work, for women only be a housewives a housewives??  is impossible and consequently conduce the lacking of time to take care take care of their children. However, this is just a an indirect reason of the rising in 我认为把in去掉 crime rate for young people. It seems to me that the main causes are influences of whole society, such as frequently occurrences of violent and pornographic scenes in TV operas TV operas?? （是不是TV series更好些呢？） and movies, together with immaturity of juvenile mind immaturity 就更要家庭好好教育嘛，否则心智怎能成熟？：） , lead young people to a road of crime.

Whenever facing problems, the proper measure is making an intensive analysis rather than simplify 前边是making，后边是simplify的原形，对否？ the problems. Over this matter of juvenile delinquency, government should adopt series steps such as establish strict measures to cut down the amount of violent programs instead of 我个人认为，instead of被你用错了，在这个句子里 positive education. As parents, in addition to working hardly, it is necessary for married women to pay more attention to their children.
(Words:287)


发表个人看法：
juvenile delinquency和parents的家庭教育是否有联系，或者为什么题目中提到这两个问题，应该暗含着这两者有关联，至少是某种不可推卸的关联。
我想家长（特别是母亲）首先难咎其责，其次是外部环境影响，如暴力、吸毒、帮派斗殴等，以及政府在这个问题上所做的努力。也许家庭教育这块（内因）应该多写些笔墨，这仅仅是个人看法。

我很欣赏你的结构严谨，言简意赅，进步很大。

[ 本帖最后由 capric 于 2007-8-24 11:44 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

非常感谢Capric的修改！
看来自己还是要努力避免犯一些低级错误~

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

呵呵， 超时都被你看出来了！ 厉害！

的确是没有在规定时间内写出来，写完之后自己会先修改一下再贴上来~

不过比开始的时候时间控制的好多了，一开始一篇大作文能写两个多小时，写出来的东西还不怎么样~

67169619UID: 2320695

嗯  
看到你的进步了 :)

鱼丸子UID: 2388561

Original:
As can be seen from this table, among the five countries, the figure of Great Britain was least in most years, it raised gradually from nearly 30,000 in 1930 to more than 80,000 in 1980. The number of Australia was approximately 70 thousands at beginning, the lowest point occurred in 1940, which was less than 50,000, then, increased to nearly 80,000 in 1970, a sharply decreasing occurred in 1980, which was only half million. The number of New Zealand was higher compared to its Oceanian neighbor, decreased sharply by nearly 50 per cent from a million in 1930 to less than 60 thousands in 1940, and then rised rapidly to about 80 thousands in 1970, followed with a sudden fall in 1980. There was a fluctuate but steady downward tendency of the number in Canada, decreasing from almost 120,000 to about 100,000. The prisoner in United States increased rapidly from 100,000 to 140,000 during this period. (Words:173)

Edited:
As can be seen from this table, among the five countries, the figure of Great Britain was the least in most years, it raised gradually from nearly 30,000 in 1930 to more than 80,000 in 1980. The number of Australia was approximately 70 thousands in the beginning, the lowest point occurred in 1940, which was less than 50,000, then, increased to nearly 80,000 in 1970, a sharply drop occurred in 1980, which was only half million. The number of New Zealand was higher compared with its Oceanian neighbor, decreased sharply by nearly 50 per cent from a million in 1930 to less than 60 thousands in 1940, and then rised rapidly to about 80 thousands in 1970, followed with a sudden fall in 1980. There was a fluctuate but steady downward trend of the number in Canada, decreasing from almost 120,000 to about 100,000. The prisoner in United States increased rapidly from 100,000 to 140,000 during this period. (Words:173)

我觉得挺好的。就是有点点的语法问题。值得指出的是compare with是于。。。比较的意思
compare to 是比喻为。。。
大家一起加油。

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

谢谢！:handshake

觉得task1中的表格和柱状图相对不太好写，尤其是很多趋势需要描述，往往写完之后就像流水帐，自己看着都乱:rolleyes:

forbeckUID: 2297645

神奇，这个网址怎么变啦？昨天和今天的就不一样？但是链接的结果都是这个:confused:

67169619UID: 2320695

没有发现有什么不同的？？？？？？？