HELP ME 一篇大作文，多提意见

x1983nUID: 2362048

8Many people says teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong.  Others says teachers should only teach studens academic subjests. Discuss and give your opinion.

Teacher, illuminating of knowledge, plays an essential role in the  process of students who crave for knowledge. Some people purpose that teachers should teach students how to judge right from wrong., those who oppose it argue that teachers should just teach students academic subjests. From my point of view, both opinions are valid but need balanced.
To begin with, it goes without saying that students should be taught with academic knowledge, which is the necessity of their future.  Subject including Math, physics, history, language, and so on has their special purpose, which will conduce to  students academic ability, laying good foundation for further education and  future career. Therefore, teacher should give priority to academic subjects in classes.
Despite the significant role of the academic knowledge, the skill of how to tell the differences from right to wrong should not be neglected. It is no denying that we are living in a world of contrast, as the living standard improves, life abound in more and more unavoidable problems. The increasing trend of juvenile delinquency become the focus of the media, which arise big concern. Students, especially the youngster, have no basic concept about the differences between right and wrong, without the appropriate guides, they are too vulnerable to negative effect, namely the frequent violent plots on the TV screen, the sexual and pornographic description on the webpage ,tobacco advertisements on the street, the list will go on and on. It is the responsibility for the teacher to teach some basic rules, and let them know the dangers and beware of them.
To sum up, it is true that the teacher should emphasize the academic knowledge; it is also true that teacher should teach students to judge what is right and wrong. However, both of them are necessary responsibility of teacher, only with the combination of these two aspects, the students can be trained to a capable person.

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-8-25 17:42 编辑 ]

67169619UID: 2320695

呵呵
我今天都未改过作文 ;d: 就，，，，嘿嘿

67169619UID: 2320695

Teacher(这里最好用复数哦), illuminating of（去掉？）knowledge, plays an essential role in the  process of students who crave for knowledge. Some people purpose that（你的用法又几特别） teachers should teach students how to judge right from wrong., those who oppose it argue that teachers should just teach students academic subjests.（上面这句最好不要照抄题目哦？） From my point of view, both opinions are valid but need balanced.To begin with, it goes without saying that students should be taught with academic knowledge, which is the necessity of their future. Subject（s？） including Math, physics, history, language, and so on has their（？） special purpose, which will conduce to  students academic ability, laying（你这里用现在分词？这样我就理不清你的句子关系了） good foundation for further education and  future career. Therefore, teacher should give priority to academic subjects in classes.Despite the significant role of the academic knowledge, the skill of how to tell the differences from right to wrong should not be neglected. It is no denying that we are living in a world of contrast（这句是什么意思，请教一下）, as the living standard improves, life abound in more and more unavoidable problems. The increasing trend of juvenile delinquency become（这里应该用单数，老外会觉得你这个错犯得很“严重”） the focus of the media, which arise big concern. Students, especially the youngster, have no basic concept about （of？）the differences between right and wrong, without the appropriate guides, they are too vulnerable to negative effect, namely the frequent violent plots on the TV screen, the sexual and pornographic description on the webpage ,（这里应用一个and连接，不过你后面还有一句the list，，，）tobacco advertisements on the street（？）, the list will go on and on. It is the responsibility for the teacher to teach some basic rules, and let them know the dangers and beware of them.To sum up, it is true that the teacher should emphasize the academic knowledge; it is also true that teacher should teach students to judge what is right and wrong. However, both of them are necessary responsibility of teacher, only with the combination of these two aspects, the students can be trained to a capable person（晕 ，最后还来一个单复数不对应）.

你的作文真的让我不好评价，，，

forbeckUID: 2297645

Teacher, illuminating of(好像不用加of) knowledge, plays an essential role in the  process of students who craves for knowledge. Some people purpose that teachers should teach students how to judge right from wrong., those who oppose it argue that teachers should just teach students academic subjests. From my point of view, both opinions are valid but need balanced.

To begin with, it goes without saying that students should be taught with academic knowledge, which is the necessity of their future.  Subjects including Math, physics, history, language, and so on has their(矛盾) special purpose（这句话的单复数形式乱）, which will（这个will用在这有点多余，毕竟这些学科的作用一直都摆在大家的眼前） conduce to  students academic ability, laying(现在分词还是？) good foundation for further education and  future career. Therefore, teachers should(这个词用得过于绝对了) give priority to academic subjects in classes.

Despite the significant role of the academic knowledge, the skill of how to tell the differences from right to wrong should not be neglected. It is no denying that we are living in a world of contrast, as the living standard improves（看过一篇文章说要尽量避免这种写法）, life abound in more and more unavoidable problems. The increasing trend of juvenile delinquency become（又是一个单复数的问题） the focus of the media, which arises big concern. Students, especially the youngster, have no basic concept about the differences between right and wrong, without the appropriate guides, they are too vulnerable to negative effect, namely the frequent violent plots on the TV screen, the sexual and pornographic（严重怀疑你在xdf上过课:o ;d: ，那里的老师就喜欢用这个词） description on the webpage ,tobacco advertisements on the street, the lists will go on and on(这句话很口语阿). It is the responsibility for the teachers to teach some basic rules, and let them know the dangers and be ware of them.(这句话的代词太乱了，them 指的是谁啊？)

To sum up, it is true that the teachers should emphasize the academic knowledge; it is also true that teachers should teach students to judge what is right and(or) wrong. However, both of them are necessary responsibility(再次出现单复数不同行的问题) of teachers, only with the combinations of these two aspects, the students can be trained to a capable person.

1、先说好的吧：文章结构还好，逻辑也没有什么大问题~~文章开篇和结尾都清楚的表达了自己的观点
2、  文章绝大多数篇幅都在为自己的观点自圆其说，如果加上具体的例子，可能辩论力度会更大些，成功系数也能加大~~
3、  还有最严重的是语法问题，尤其是通篇的单复数问题，还有一些句型的用法，希望能在语法上多下功夫

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-25 17:39 编辑 ]

67169619UID: 2320695

还是蒙牛MM厉害

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

楼上两位都辛苦了啊！
今天改了不少呢！:loveliness: