这是偶第一篇作文，请各位大侠帮偶改一下，^_^

dahui911UID: 2169471

4 It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

Generally speaking, there are two main sources for people to obtain knowledge---from books and from practical experience. Although it is true that "Not everything that is learned is contained in books", I still hold the opinion that books are the most important role from which we gain knowledge, and this essay will explore the reasons.

The first and foremost reason is that books can provide us comparatively systematical knowledge. Common sense tells us that if a person intends to be well-educated, an integrated knowledge is undeniable essential. Without a systematical basic of knowledge, hardly can one survive in today's competitive world. While I concede that practical experience do provide us several valuable knowledge and sometimes even make it easier to understand the abstract theories written in books, it is merely "fragmental knowledge" and it never serves as an essential source for people to gain knowledge from.

Besides the reason discussed above, another reason we must not ignore is that most of time, of not always, to learn knowledge from reading books is much time-saving and economical. Numerous examples, especially in the realm of science and technology, have shown that even a tiny step of breakthrough of a theory may take scientists years, if not decades, to develop, and usually along with a huge budget. However, when the very knowledge is learned from books, the situation turns completely different, since all we have to do is to understand those descriptions and reasoning written in a few pages, and certainly, with nearly no expense at all. Moreover, there is some knowledge, such as history, which can only be obtained from books, since the technology of today can not bring us back to, say, just one second ago.

On the other hand, knowledge such as swim, can never be mastered if one do not jump into the pool, and it is not surprising that one who can recite the grammar rules pretty well still not able to express in English fluently. However, to gain knowledge from books has far more advantages than that gained from practical experience.

In conclusion, it is obvious that to obtain knowledge from books is economical, time-saving, and perhaps most importantly----systematical, which far outweigh the benefit of obtaining knowledge from experience, and thus have therefore proved what I argued at first.

[ 本帖最后由 dahui911 于 2007-8-27 02:31 编辑 ]

halkingUID: 2291422

Generally speaking, there are two main sources for people to obtain knowledge---from books and from practical experience.这句话有点多余了，原题已经明确隐含这一点了，你再说就罗嗦了！还有如果出现了第三种来源怎么办？这样不但显得罗嗦而且显得武断！

role用词不当－source or origin

and this essay will explore the reasons中国式英语！

not able＝unable
1，语句有点罗嗦，可能这样写单词数量会多！还有就是你个别地方有语法错误，主要是时态，还有固定搭配。
2，文章缺乏让步语气。没有任何一个观点是完全正确的，所以你只能在某个特定的立场或者条件下论证你的opinion，对于可能有力反驳你的opinion的角度，要比较概括地用让步语气覆盖掉！
这样文章会显得更convincing。所以你应该把swim的那个例子换成一段一般性的论述。
suggestion view:
book knowledge is the summary and abstract of practice knowledge, which is more important is totally lies on the situations.

dahui911UID: 2169471

谢谢啊，这么些严重的错误啊，没戏了啊~

halkingUID: 2291422

不要气馁！

有多大的错误就意味着你将有多大的成功！没有错误的人永远不会有进步！

只要你努力！