大作文两篇,求拍呵呵

ccfengerUID: 2386343

Tourism is a multibillion dollors industry that supports economic development,some people think that it causes damage to local environment and culture ,so what is your opinion.


With the development of economic and transportation , countries in different area of the world are more closely to each other compared to several years ago. Once when you travel from Beijing to NewYork may spend you more than a month by ship. However ,it just costs you fifteen hours by airplane. Increasingly more people even family choose to hang out their spare time to visit other areas or countries which possess different culture and landscape.

Tourism contributes significantly to many countries’ GNP. For instance ,the tourism has been the vital industry of Singapore. As a garden city ,Singapore obtains its revenue mainly from the profit brought by tourism. Both  the private and the government earn lots from tourist ranging from tickets to shopping. The flourishing tourism provides enough jobs for local people and develop a nation’s commerce.

As a matter of fact ,tourism is not free of potential problems. There are also some side-effects accompanying to such positive accepts. It may create environmental pollution and threaten or even destroy large scales of beautiful scenic spots on account of the habits of tourists. Throwing away the waste randomly results in increasingly more serious problems. The biological banlance is destroyed by the continual disturbance.

More and more people flood into the touristic areas and bring a risk to local culture. There may be some confliction between local and tourists due to the different culture and custom. The local culture may be affected by the  alien culture and loss its speciality .

Anyhow ,it is difficult to give a absolute conclusion about such a complex issue whether the merits outweigh the shortback or not. However ,there is no doubt that tour plays an important role in our life.



Should criminals be punished with length jall terms or re-educated and rehabilitated, using community service program for instance ,before being reintroduced to society.

People are born with freedom. Some people hold the view that criminals should be re-educated and rehabilitated with social service programs due to their natural right ,whilst others consider that criminals should be sent into a jail with a long term prison.

To prevent crime is the essential purpose of criminal law and to suffer torment is inevitable in accepting punishment. Prison restricts one’s freedom and forestall one to re-crime in a certain time. From the psychology of human, nemesis is a natural desire of victim. Thus ,it is necessary that criminals should be punished owing to their activities. On the other hand, it is risky to let the criminals  live and work in flexible and convenient circumstance. There may be a increasing rate of  criminals who commit felonies offend the law again.

Re –educating and rehabilitating give people who commit a misdemeanor a chance to change and rebuild himself. It is high time that they practice some actions to make up the mistakes they have done. Their conscience and introspection may be stimulated to wake up  in the community service program. They might find their own value through serving other people and society.

We also are able to adopt other methods to punish criminals. Firstly ,mulct is a  useful punishment to people whose greedy cause a economic problem on account of the importance of money in their mind. Secondly ,depriving some of their rights namely freedom of press, speech and assembly is also a beneficial choice .

Every punishment has its own advantages and disadvantages. Whether criminals should  be punished with length jall terms or re-educated and rehabilitated depends on his or her social risk.  High risky people should be put into prison to protect the benefit of public and maintain the stability and security of the society.

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-8-28 14:38 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-729183-2-1.html
请先到这里登记一下~:)

futuremanUID: 2327059

午饭前再赶两篇

being revised...

futuremanUID: 2327059

Tourism is a multibillion dollors industry that supports economic development,some people think that it causes damage to local environment and culture ,so what is your opinion.


With the development of economic and transportation, countries in different area of the world are more closely [close] to each other compared to several years ago. Once when [once 和when重复，去掉一个]you travel from Beijing to NewYork，[^it] may spend you more than a month by ship. However, it just costs you fifteen hours by airplane. Increasingly more [increasing 和more重复，去掉一个]people even family [families]choose to hang out their spare time to visit other areas or countries which possess different culture and landscape.[题目讲旅游业和经济发展保护环境的关系，而你第一段只是说人们愿意旅游，旅游有多方便，这样会减很多分的]

Tourism contributes significantly to many countries’ GNP. For instance，the tourism has been the vital industry of Singapore. As a garden city, Singapore obtains its revenue mainly from the profit brought by tourism. Both  the private and the government earn lots from tourist ranging from tickets to shopping. The flourishing tourism provides enough jobs for local people and develop a nation’s commerce.[这一段论证不错]

As a matter of fact ,tourism is not free of [from] potential problems. There are also some side-effects accompanying to [with] such positive accepts [aspects]. It may create environmental pollution and threaten or even destroy large scales of beautiful scenic spots on account of the habits of tourists. Throwing away the waste randomly results in increasingly more serious problems. The biological banlance [balance] is destroyed by the continual disturbance.

More and more people flood into the touristic areas and bring a risk to local culture. There may be some confliction between local and tourists due to the different culture and custom. The local culture may be affected by the alien culture and loss its speciality [specialty].[最后一段递进，讲文化破坏]

Anyhow ,it is difficult to give a absolute conclusion about such a complex issue whether the merits outweigh the shortback or not. However ,there is no doubt that tour plays an important role in our life.[题目要求你做出你自己的结论，然而你的结论是很难说，这样给人感觉语焉不详，从全文看你认为旅游业造成破坏多一些，那么这里就应该指出呵]

语言用词很丰富，全文结构上是我这些天看到的习作里最严谨的，很赞~
但你需要继续丰富你的论证，对分论点多列举原因。
好好修改修改，我可以加进优秀习作里啊~
另外：
1 发帖前先在word改掉笔误和语法错误再贴出来啊，方便大家修改^__^
2 两篇文章要分别发帖啊:)

欢迎你也给别人改作文，从而学习别人的长处，不要顾虑自己的水平不够，你的修改可以提供一个不同的方面给作者参考，而且更快的提高自己:)

谢谢合作

futuremanUID: 2327059

Should criminals be punished with length jall terms or re-educated and rehabilitated, using community service program for instance , before being reintroduced to society.

People are born with freedom. Some people hold the view that criminals should be re-educated and rehabilitated with social service programs due to their natural right, whilst others consider that criminals should be sent into a jail with a long term prison.[这里需要摆出你的观点啊，不能some people就完了呵]

To prevent crime is the essential purpose of criminal law and to suffer[suffer的主语要是人啊] torment is inevitable in accepting punishment. Prison restricts one’s freedom and forestall [forestalls] one to [from] re-crime in a certain time. From the psychology of human, nemesis is a natural desire of victim. Thus, it is necessary that criminals should be punished owing to their activities. On the other hand, it is risky to let the criminals live and work in flexible and convenient circumstance. There may be a increasing rate of criminals who commit felonies [and] offend the law again.[两个具体理由支持TS，这段论述不错]

[这里最好加个连接词]Re –educating and rehabilitating give people who commit a misdemeanor a chance to change and rebuild himself. It is high time that they practice some actions to make up [make up for] the mistakes they have done. Their conscience and introspection may be stimulated to wake up  in the community service program. They might find their own value through serving other people and society.

We also are able to adopt other methods to punish criminals. Firstly, mulct is a  useful punishment to people whose greedy cause a economic problem on account of the importance of money in their mind. Secondly , depriving some of their rights namely freedom of press, speech and assembly is also a beneficial choice .[这段延展了题目，个人建议还是应该紧扣题目，其实这段可以接上一段再写一个应当社会服务的原因深化文章论证]

Every punishment has its own advantages and disadvantages. Whether criminals should  be punished with length jall terms or re-educated and rehabilitated depends on his or her social risk.[结尾提出应不应当社会服务取决于危险程度，其实你应该在第三段论证里就渗透这个想法，否则在末尾提出来，会很突兀的]  High risky people should be put into prison to protect the benefit of public and maintain the stability and security of the society.

语言一如继往的牛，好像考过GRE哦~~
结构上的问题已经给你写了，我觉得你修改完，一定是篇优秀习作啊

欢迎你也给别人改作文，从而学习别人的长处，不要顾虑自己的水平不够，你的修改可以提供一个不同的方面给作者参考，而且更快的提高自己:)

[ 本帖最后由 futureman 于 2007-8-28 13:59 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

吃饭去了咯

forbeckUID: 2297645

这牺牲真大阿~~~~两点了才吃午饭？:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-28 14:48 编辑 ]

ccfengerUID: 2386343

太感谢了呵呵
辛苦你啦

这是以前写的,最近一个月都没怎么写过,还有十天就考试了,所以比较着急呵呵

ccfengerUID: 2386343

People are born with freedom. Some people hold the view that criminals should be re-educated and rehabilitated with social service programs due to their natural right ,whilst others consider that criminals should be sent into a jail with a long term prison. For my part, I am a proponent of the former view.

Some individuals consider that prison restricts one’s freedom and forestall one to re-crime in a certain time. To some extent, this point of view may be true. However, they are oversimplifying the situation. Criminals are isolated in an inaccessible environment and keep little touch with the normal society. There may be increasing odds that they communicate the experience and skills of crime and wreak the complaint and animosity about society. Consequently, the rates of re-commiting might climb up and lead to more threaten to the stability and secure of society.

By contrast, re –educating and rehabilitating give people who commit a misdemeanor a chance to change and rebuild himself. It is high time that they practice some actions to make up the mistakes they have done. Their conscience and introspection may be stimulated to wake up  in the community service program. They might find their own value through serving other people and society.

People used to deem that it is risky to let the criminals live and work in flexible and convenient circumstance. Criminals who commit felonies are more likely to offend the law again. On the contrary, according to a recent survey, the rate of people who used to be put into prison transgressing laws again is 7percent higher than people who accepted re-education and rehabilitation in community do.

In view of the factors listed above, I believe that re-education and rehabilitation are better options to punish criminals. In addition, they are beneficial and favorable to protect profits of public and maintain the stability of society.


修改过后的呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-8-28 18:18 编辑 ]

ccfengerUID: 2386343

Increasingly more people even family choose to hang out their spare time to visit other areas or countries which possess different culture and landscape. Along with the huge amounts of profits taken by tourists, the damage or even destroy to the local environment and culture can hardly be ignored. As far as I am concerned, the unfavorable effects of tourism exactly exceed the benefits.

Tourism contributes significantly too many countries’ GNP. For instance, the tourism has been the vital industry of Singapore. As a garden city, Singapore obtains its revenue mainly from the profit brought by tourism. Both the private and the government earn lots from tourist ranging from tickets to shopping. The flourishing tourism provides enough jobs for local people and develops a nation’s commerce.

As a matter of fact, tourism is not free from potential problems. There are also some side-effects accompanying to such positive accepts. It may create environmental pollution and threaten or even destroy large scales of beautiful scenic spots on account of the habits of tourists. Throwing away the waste randomly results in increasingly more serious problems. The biological balance is destroyed by the continual disturbance.

More and more people flood into the tourist attraction and bring a risk to local culture. There may be some confliction between local and tourists due to the different culture and custom. The local culture may be affected by the alien culture and loss its specialty due to its weak status of society and culture.

In conclusion, we have to admit the fact that tourism leads to hordes of material benefits to local commerce. However ,taking account of the damage of environment and culture, personally,  tourism is more a curse than a bless to local people in the foreseeable future.

修改过的第二篇

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-8-28 18:44 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

待会可以让菠萝兄链接了~~~~~

晚上停工，学习你的作文:handshake

ccfengerUID: 2386343

那个连接是怎么弄的啊,不明白上怎么回事呵呵

forbeckUID: 2297645

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-729385-1-3.html

看看就知道了:handshake