周六考试，麻烦各位帮忙看一下作文

lcj_ieltsUID: 2359178

先谢谢啦。这篇写了一上午，估计错误还是少不了，现在深深的担心考试的时候写不出来。各位帮帮忙吧。

As the development of modern science and technology, some aspects of traditional cultures are being lost, so some people think that the traditional culture and technology will be replaced by the modern science and technology such as computer or internet, what is your opinion?


The modern science and technology, especially the information technology progressing extremely in recent years, has pushed the horizon of the human understanding of the world and himself as well. Therefore some people consider the traditional culture will be replaced and disappear. Nevertheless I cast a skeptical eye on this argument.

To begin with, the development of modern science and technology can not replace the entire traditional counterpart. This mainly because the conventional culture, which may formed and accumulated through thousand years, has its value of existing and is a powerful supplement of the modern approaches. A point in case is the Chinese traditional medicine. The herbs and some therapy like acupuncture contained with a considerable number of ancient wisdom and experience do cure many complicated chronic disease that modern medicine has little effect on them. It can be seen clearly that traditional culture has a strong life force.

Furthermore, although the modern science and technology meet the human’s secular demands in the mundane world, hardly can it contribute, to some extent, to the well being of human spirit and soul. While traditional culture play an essential role in proving the moral standard to help human to complete their spiritual world. Analyzed form the perspective of history study, some traditional culture integrated the extract of history events can provide the clues for people to cope with today’s changes and challenges.

In addition, what consequence will be if the traditional culture vanished? The only answer to this question is perhaps “a nightmare”. Put is simply, traditional culture is the fundament of the modern science. Without this corner stone the building of the advanced technology will crash.

To conclude, the development of modern science and technology is not a proper reason and excuse and for which traditional culture are losing. And the tradition is a supplement and base of the modern.

H-KevinUID: 2182070

发作文请在这里留下链接，有加分
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-724783-1-1.html
同时热心板油（牛儿天空和啦啦啦）会给你修改
如果需要菠萝修改请在这里留下链接https://bbs.gter.net/thread-729183-1-1.html
同时欢迎你也给别人改作文（有加分啊），从而学习别人的长处，更快的提高自己咯 :)

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

The modern science and technology, especially the information technology progressing extremely in recent years, has pushed the horizon of the human understanding of the world and himself as well.【as well himself，这样是不是比较好些？】 Therefore some people consider【嗯，这里用argue或者claim也行：）】 the traditional culture will be replaced and disappear. Nevertheless I cast a skeptical eye on this argument.

To begin with, the development of modern science and technology can not replace the entire traditional counterpart. This mainly because the conventional culture, which may formed and accumulated through thousand years, has its value of existing and is a powerful supplement of the modern approaches. A point in case is the Chinese traditional medicine. The herbs and some therapy like acupuncture contained with a considerable number of ancient wisdom and experience do cure many complicated chronic disease that modern medicine has little effect on them. It can be seen clearly that traditional culture has a strong life force.

Furthermore, although the modern science and technology meet the human’s secular demands in the mundane world, hardly can it contribute, to some extent, to the well being of human spirit and soul. While traditional culture play an essential role in proving the moral standard to help human to complete their spiritual world. Analyzed form the perspective of history study, some traditional culture integrated the extract of history events can provide the clues for people to cope with today’s changes and challenges【这句显得有些突兀，你这段的TS是要将traditional culture对human spirit and soul的影响，那就继续说下去，举例也行，最后另外提出一个从古人那里学习的观点反而容易冲淡对你这段主题的印象。】.

In addition, what consequence will be if the traditional culture vanished? The only answer to this question is perhaps “a nightmare”. Put is【in】 simply, traditional culture is the fundament of the modern science. Without this corner stone the building of the advanced technology will crash.【可能也是时间比较紧张吧，不过我觉得这里如果能有个例子支持一下这段就比较完整了。】

To conclude, the development of modern science and technology is not a proper reason and excuse and for which traditional culture are losing. And the tradition is a supplement and base of the modern.

全文思路挺好的，论证也比较充分，不过考试的时候如果能注意一下，不需要你的观点太多，但是能把每个观点都尽量说清楚才行。
最后祝楼主能考个好成绩！完了别忘了回来分享你的经验！:handshake

kut1230UID: 2369693

The modern science and technology, especially the information technology progressing extremely in recent years, has pushed the horizon of the human understanding of the world and himself as well. Therefore some people consider the traditional culture will be replaced and disappear［用递进可能更好and, even probably disappear in the future］. Nevertheless I cast a skeptical eye on this argument.

To begin with, the development of modern science and technology can not replace the entire traditional counterpart. This mainly because the conventional culture, which may formed and accumulated through thousand years, has its value of existing and is a powerful supplement of the modern approaches. A point in case is the Chinese traditional medicine. The herbs and some therapy like acupuncture contained with a considerable number of ancient wisdom and experience do cure many complicated chronic disease that modern medicine has little effect on them[西药其实也很有用,这里可以用比较级突出traditional medicine]. It can be seen clearly that traditional culture has a strong life force.

Furthermore, although the modern science and technology meet the human’s secular demands in the mundane world, hardly can it contribute, to some extent, to the well being of human spirit and soul. While traditional culture play an essential role in proving the moral standard to help human to complete their spiritual world. Analyzed form the perspective of history study, some traditional culture integrated the extract of history events can provide the clues for people to cope with today’s changes and challenges.[主语应该是我们,"通过分析..., 我们..."]

In addition, what consequence will be if the traditional culture vanished? The only answer to this question is perhaps “a nightmare”[only和perhaps有点冲突,本人偏向perhaps]. Put is simply, traditional culture is the fundament of the modern science. Without this corner stone the building of the advanced technology will [likely加些副词会使句子更准确和有'活力'些]crash.

To conclude, the development of modern science and technology is not a proper reason and excuse and for which traditional culture are losing. And the tradition is a supplement and base of the modern.

建议:
1.观点不错,但有点多
2.可以多用些副词
3.全文基本上是说传统文化为什么不应该被取代,可试试在开始时说为什么出现这种情況,然后再说你的观点

[ 本帖最后由 kut1230 于 2007-9-4 21:32 编辑 ]

lcj_ieltsUID: 2359178

两位改得好仔细啊 先谢谢再仔细看 :handshake

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising...

lcj_ieltsUID: 2359178

anyway 还是贴了吧 限时写的，感觉好差，录入的时候应经把拼写错误改正了，
有人顺便看到了就给打个分吧，好让我心里有点底:)

Is it wrong that our government pay more money to the artist projects, for instance, the are more and more paintings and sculptures appearing at the public places, because there are more inprotant things to do. What is your opinion?

When walking around their city, people can frequently find there are an increasing number of artist projects set in the public places, which to some extent, brighten both their city and moods. However, it is a fact that these artist projects, like paintings and sculptures consume considerable money. In my opinion, this money should be used to do some more important things.

To begin with, improving life quality need not just the approach of art. Although as continuing along the road to develop economy and promote the living level of the citizens, some artist  projects have positive effects, it is these fundamental facilities, such as transportation system, environment protecting mechanism, that play an essential role. Artist projects do represent high quality of life, but they can not be the drive that pushes the horizon of resident’s life. Therefore investing too much money to artist projects is not an efficient way.

Furthermore, if the art budgets occupy the money of the government, the other development of city facilities will be restricted. This mainly because the government’s total budget is limited, therefore hardly can it meet all the demands of the city construction. Moreover, the things connecting with arts usually have high prices, which will make this situation worse.

Admittedly, art has its unique merit. Some artist projects in the public places can make the city more beautiful, which may attract more tourists and then stimulate the tourism and the local economy indirectly. So if the government has extra money, paying art is a good choice.

To conclude, the governmental budget should focus on these public infrastructure rather than artist projects. And the government should balance the two sides more carefully.

[ 本帖最后由 lcj_ielts 于 2007-9-5 13:59 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

As the development of modern science and technology, some aspects of traditional cultures are being lost, so some people think that the traditional culture and technology will be replaced by the modern science and technology such as computer or internet, what is your opinion?


The modern science and technology, especially the information technology progressing extremely in recent years, has pushed the horizon of the human understanding of the world and himself as well [the human horizon of understanding the world and himself]. Therefore some people consider the traditional culture will be replaced and disappear. Nevertheless I cast a skeptical eye on this argument.

To begin with, the development of modern science and technology can not replace the entire traditional counterpart. This mainly because the conventional culture, which may formed and accumulated through thousand [thousands of]years, has its value of existing and [用个and再写一个并列句感觉非常别扭，你是想写长句，但这种长句还不如不写]is a powerful supplement of the modern approaches. A point in case[a case in point] is the Chinese traditional medicine. The herbs and some therapy like acupuncture contained with a considerable number of ancient wisdom and experience do cure many complicated chronic disease that modern medicine has little effect on them. It can be seen clearly that traditional culture has a strong life force.

Furthermore, although the modern science and technology meet the human’s secular demands in the mundane world, hardly [hardly..when才是倒状]can it contribute, to some extent, to the well being of human spirit and soul.[TS太长了，必须缩减] While traditional culture play an essential role in proving the moral standard to help human to complete their spiritual world. [while引导了一个让步句，结果没下文了]Analyzed form the perspective of history study, some traditional culture integrated the extract of history events can provide the clues for people to cope with today’s changes and challenges [你这段的TS是modern culture对human spirit and soul的影响，但是结尾极其仓促]

In addition, what consequence will be if[直接what if 就行] the traditional culture vanished? The only answer to this question is perhaps “a nightmare”. Put is simply [Simply put], traditional culture is the fundament [fundamental]of the modern science. Without this corner stone the building of the advanced technology will crash.

To conclude, the development of modern science and technology is not a proper reason and excuse and for which traditional culture are losing. And the tradition is a supplement and base of the modern.

文章思路有些混乱，TS表明本段科技对传统的影响，但总却总是论证到了文化上，应该分开论述科技和文化分别对传统有什么影响
还有，现代科技对传统就没有正面影响了吗？文章中应该有所论证的
考试别想太多，加油啊~~

[ 本帖最后由 futureman 于 2007-9-5 12:58 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

我也占个楼，今天也看看lcj_ielts 的作文，加油加油:handshake

futuremanUID: 2327059

不要太在意分数, 越这样想上考场就很难发挥出来.
先把文章好好修改, 不用急着写太多了
你仔细改过一两篇, 再写就会完全不一样, 磨刀不误砍柴功

forbeckUID: 2297645

这篇作文没贴出题目:confused:

lcj_ieltsUID: 2359178

嗯 说的是 我先好好看看前面写的总结一下

另外不管考是结果如何，这次真的非常感谢几位的帮助，谢谢啦！！:handshake

forbeckUID: 2297645

When walking around their city, people can frequently find there are an increasing number of artist projects set in the public places, which to some extent, brighten both their city and moods. However, it is a fact that these artist projects, like paintings and sculptures consume considerable money. In my opinion, this money should be used to do some more important things.很安全的开头　

To begin with, improving life quality needs not just the approach of art. Although as continuing along the road to develop economy and promote the living level of the citizens中时的写法，应该是level of citizen living吧？ , some artist  projects have positive effects, it is these fundamental facilities, such as transportation system, environment protecting mechanism, that/which play an删除 essential role. Artist projects do represent high quality of life, but they can not be the drive that pushes the horizon of resident’s life. 这句的观点很主观，能说明一下理由吗？Therefore investing too much money to artist projects is not an efficient way.

Furthermore, if the art budgets occupy the money of the government, the other development of city facilities will be restricted.后边的观点倒没问题，就是这句话，意思是政府不能拨钱给艺术的发展吗？只是一小部分不会对财政造成多大的影响啊~~ This mainly because the government’s total budget is limited, therefore hardly can it meet all the demands of the city construction. Moreover, the things connecting with arts usually have high prices, which will make this situation worse.

Admittedly, art has its unique merit. Some artist projects in the public places can make the city more beautiful, which may attract more tourists and then stimulate the tourism and the local economy indirectly. So if the government has extra money, paying art is a good choice.

To conclude, the governmental budget should focus on these public infrastructure rather than artist projects. And the government should特主观的词少用，要不像是你在命令政府 balance the two sides more carefully.

建议：
1、可能因为是限时写的，所以文章的body部分的每一个观点都显得很仓促，就像时间不够，每句话都点到即止了，让人看得有些摸不着头脑；
2、把你现在已经写好的3篇再改一改，心中有数就好，到考场时不要慌，定能写出好作文的　

lcj_ieltsUID: 2359178

呵呵  谢谢啦 下去好好看看:handshake

kut1230UID: 2369693

When walking around their city[语法错了,Walking around the city], people can frequently find[that] there are an increasing number of artist projects set in the public places, which to some extent, brighten both their city and moods[应该是想说人和城市,感觉这句用一个动词有点怪]. However, it is a fact that these artist projects, like paintings and sculptures consume considerable money. [你前面用了长句说好处(转得太快),这里应该让步一下,好论述观点]In my opinion, this money should be used to do some more important things.[你下面说钱大概用在城市建设上,这里可以先说一点,this money can be much more useful on some infrastructures.]

To begin with, improving life quality need not just the approach of art. [缺了主语,你用not just好像缺了下句了]Although as continuing along the road to develop economy and promote the living level of the citizens, some artist  projects have positive effects, it is these fundamental facilities, such as transportation system, environment protecting mechanism, that play an essential role. Artist projects do represent high quality of life, but they can not be the drive that pushes the horizon of resident’s life. Therefore investing too much money to artist projects is not an efficient way.[好像也缺了主语Therefore,goverment invests too much...]

Furthermore, if the art budgets occupy the moneyof the government[occupy a large amount of  governmental money] ,[ the] other development of city facilities will be restricted[development of other public facilities will be restricted]. This mainly because the government’s total budget is limited, therefore hardly can it meet all the demands of the city construction.[连词用多了] Moreover, the things connecting with arts usually have high prices, which will make this situation worse.

Admittedly, art has its unique merit. Some artist projects in the public places can make the city more beautiful, which may attract more tourists and then stimulate the tourism and the local economy indirectly. So if the government has [enough revenue]extra money, paying art is a good choice.[it is a good choice to invest in art activites.注意主语]

To conclude, the governmental budget should focus on these public infrastructure rather than artist projects. And[Moreover,] the government should [also]balance [the][both] two sides more carefully.


[建议]
1.內容挺充实的,但论证力度有点分散.
2.好多句子像是中文直译的,所以缺主语
anyway ,加油.