好心人，帮忙看看作文把！

jiang08UID: 2391146

写的是barron第三套大作文，规定时间里，420字The college years are the best time in aperson’s life. Agree or disagree?


What's the prime time in your life? Ask tenpeople and you will probably receive ten distinct answers. To name just a few,childhood, teenage years, college years or even retirement. In my opinion, however,college years are definitely worth the title of "prime time".

Perhaps the most crucial role college yearsplay in our lives is to help us set a determined goal of the future. It ismisfortunate but true that most teenagers enter college without a real purposein their mind. However, entering the university does not indicate theachievement of the ultimate goal. It is in the college years that studentslearn to develop their true interests, talents, and hopefully set a goal fortheir career path. Take myself for example. Like many teenagers, I have nothingparticular in mind upon entering. Through taking various general courses, Idecided to take up architecture as my major, because I gained deeperperspective of my weaks and strongs, which lay the foundation of judging apossible career.

Apart from the tremendous influence oncareer choosing, college has huge impacts on a student's interpersonalrelationships. Compared with the real society, high school resembles more of a"controlled environment", where students face less threats andobstacles from interpersonal relationships. The college years, in turn, act asa critical transitional period between the two stages. In college, we learn tocommunicate with people from different regions and social classes. We learn totolerate others' religious beliefs, living habits and even different races.Cases like these are rare in high schools, most of which admit students on aregional basis.

Besides daily communication with studentsand professors on campus, college internships also teach the students a lot.The most obvious advantage is to gain practical knowledge in a real case, whichhelps the students determine whether the goals they set earlier suit them ornot. If so, the students learn to cope with the possible challenges layingahead in their future career. And if not, they can make appropriate adjustmentsaccordingly. Another significant advantage to internship is learning tocooperate with others, which essentially has nothing to do with career choice,but a desired quality of a good employer in any given field, where the studentslearn to work together with supervisors and peers.

To determine the future career path, todevelop interpersonal skills and to acquire the fundamental quality of a goodemployer are the three reasons for my holding that the college years are thebest time in a person's life.


最近写作文觉得没头绪，慌啊。。。9/8就要考了，请大家指点一下！谢谢啦！
（是不是论点有点混乱？。。。）

jiang08UID: 2391146

淹得好快，自己顶一下

huangrnUID: 2310241

lz的作文写得挺不错的，我也只能鸡蛋里挑骨头。

1。prime time 好像是说人生的黄金时段，大展宏图之时。一般公论为壮年时期。此处用的似乎有些不恰当。

2。are definitely worth the title of ... 还可以表达成：definitely qualifies as

3。determined goal 坚定不移的目标 definite goal 明确的目标

4。it is misfortunate but true 这句话 前面的 misfortunate 是名词，后面的 ture 是形容词，两者不能用 but 连接。

可以说 unfortunately，most teenagers enter ...

5. a real purpose 真实的意图？ 建议改为 明确的意图，用 clear 、definite

6。their minds

7。indicate 换成 guarantee 较为合适 "does not guarantee their success in the future."

8。Take myself for example, ..., i have nothing particular in mind upon entering 觉得较为别扭

For example, when i first attended college, i have no clear clues in my mind just like anyone else.

9. 第一段最后一句话显得比较啰嗦，建议精简。

10。 第二段的 “in turn” 轮流 换成 however



先到这里吧，下面的让其他的同学改一下。别我一个人把活都干完了。


另外附带说一句，lz的文章好像稍微有些偏题。人家是问 "the best time", lz 好像是在论述"the most important time" 重要性强调了，但没说好在那里。

比如“无忧无虑地学习知识，没有社会的压力和家庭的负担。” 这类论点可以考虑阐述一下。

jiang08UID: 2391146

谢谢啦
写完也觉得有点偏了，sigh。。。
明天再加油。。。

想当年我是作文满分的亚。。。。哭。。。。

yankee1980UID: 2108533

写的不错