雅思作文第七篇，谢谢大家指导：）

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

7.Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

My mother tells me that provided that she can only give me one thing, it will be happiness, which is regarded as one of the most important thing through the whole life of a person. Increasing number of experts point out that happiness can make people not only more healthy, but also live longer.

However, different people hold different opinions about what is the true happiness. Some people think that if they could have a large number of money, dress the best clothes, and eat the most delicious food in the world, then they will be happy. Other people express a strong desire to share happy with their family members, then it is the true happiness the need. As a result, it is too difficult to define what is the true happiness. Because we have different families, backgrounds, living surroundings and so on.

Maybe most people would like to ask that what are the important factors in achieving happiness. From my point of view, firstly, helping other people is a simple way to bring happiness to yourself. There is no denying that when somebody say thanks to you, you will feel happy. Secondly, having a young heart will also make you feel happiness. For instance, doing exercises, travelling and learning new things, which are all beneficial to you to obtain happiness from common life. The most important thing is that spent more time with your family, such like talking with your parents, or just having a good dinner with them. All of these can make you know what is happiness.

To summarise, we should find the happiness which is belonged to ourselves.

最后一段实在不知道写什么？？
谢谢指导~~~~:loveliness:

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising...

futuremanUID: 2327059

7.Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

My mother tells me that provided that [两个that有点重复，直接if 吧]she can only give me one thing[she can give me only one thing], it will be happiness, which is regarded as one of the most important thing through the whole life of a person. Increasing number of experts point out that happiness can make people not only more healthy[healthier], but also live longer.

[however和谁转折？]However, different people hold different opinions about what is[去掉what is，重复] the true happiness. Some people think that if they could have a large number of money, dress the best clothes, and eat the most delicious food in the world, then they will be happy. Other people express a strong desire to share happy [happiness] with their family members, then it is the true happiness the need. As a result, it is too difficult to define what is the true happiness. Because we have different families, backgrounds, living surroundings and so on. [前面用了绝大部分笔墨在铺垫，真正论证到点子上就这一句话，应该进一步展开比较back grounds 对happiness的影响，当然还有其它的因素，我觉得这段写的比较失败]

Maybe most people would like to ask that what are the important factors in achieving happiness. From my point of view, firstly, helping other people is a simple way to bring happiness to yourself. [前两句完全可以合并成一句TS，When coming to the factors in achieving happiness, I insist that …]There is no denying that when somebody say [says]thanks to you, you will feel happy. Secondly, having a young heart will also make you feel happiness. For instance, doing exercises, travelling and learning new things, which are all beneficial to[for] you to obtain happiness from common life. The most important thing is that spent [spending]more time with your family, such like talking with your parents, or just having a good dinner with them. All of these can make you know what is happiness.

To summarise, we should find the happiness which is belonged to ourselves.

对题目的回应还是很到位的，讲了定义幸福和幸福因素两个方面，但要注意这两个大方面之间的联系，以便更好的衔接你的文章。语言的问题都给你改了，之前要用word自己修正。加油~~

liyan1800426UID: 2180637

感觉文章逻辑性不强！不过语言表达上比较通顺，增强逻辑性和具体事件的描述和论述，相信会好很多！:)

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

谢谢~:loveliness:
第二段再接着展开说不同情况的人有什么不同？

forbeckUID: 2297645

波萝好快，待会回去改:handshake

futuremanUID: 2327059

没有明白你的意思...

我的意思是，关于为何定义happiness很难，并不是只点到individual background就完了的，还应该继续向下挖掘，比如 life experience，age problem, social status, systems of value evaluation, emotion style from distinctive individual being，basic perception and perspectives of the world 很多很多，总之你随便拿出几个说一说，都是很有内容的一段话

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

我明白了~~~~~~~

forbeckUID: 2297645

My mother tells 这种例子出现，没有多大意义，毕竟力度不够me that provided that she can only give me one thing, it will be happiness, which is regarded as one of the most important things through the whole life of a person. Increasing number of experts point out that happiness can make people not only more healthy, but also live longer.

However, different people hold different opinions about what is the /删除true happiness. Some people think that if they could have a large number of money, dress the best clothes, and eat the most delicious food in the world, then they will be happy. Other people express a strong desire to share happy with their family members, then it is the true happiness they need. As a result, it is too difficult to define what is the /删除true happiness. Because we have different families, backgrounds, living surroundings and so on.开篇太长了，两段过后才切入正题

Maybe most people would like to ask that what are the important factors in achieving happiness. From my point of view, firstly, helping other people is a simple way to bring happiness to yourself. There is no denying that when somebody say thanks to you, you will feel happy. Secondly, having a young heart will also make you feel happiness. For instance, doing exercises, travelling and learning new things, which are all beneficial to /foryou to obtain happiness from common life. The most important thing is that/to spent/spend more time with your family, such like talking with your parents, or just having a good dinner with them. All of these can make you know what is happiness.前边两个例子，貌似和题目的相关性不大，有些偏题了　

To summarise, we should find the happiness which is belonged to ourselves.
建议：
1、这篇作文写得没有什么条理性，是因为快考试紧张的吗？有些头重，身子轻，脚更轻
2、缺少精彩的例子
3、最好能重新修改下，尽量写好每一份练习吧　　

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

呜呜，接受批评~~~~~