我以前改的几篇作文，大家看下，或者批评下．

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Version85(scientists can’t solve problems they created)Scientific and technological advances are very important in our society. Scientists are not able to give solutions to all the problems they have created. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It can not be denied that great changes have taken place since the Technological Revolution. Thus, our society is changing into a modern one as an (这里最好用the，因为你是想特指)impact of scientific and technological advancement. However, during development of our society, scientists have created some serious problems that are not easy for them to tackle.

First and foremost, some of the tough problems are created when scientists deal with other immediate problems. For instance, when an （最好来一个new吧？）animal or （这里少了一个冠词a，？）plant was produced by scientists from one cell of another animal or plant which are（你前面用was，这里用are，真的服了你） exactly the same, scientists did not consider that this would create another serious social problem—human cloning, to which people have yet to find solution（？）.

In the second place, there are also some serious matters that emerged during the competitions among nations. Each country wants to govern the whole world and thus some of the powerful nations would probably use nuclear power to threaten others. Therefore, people would no longer exist（你这个也说得太恐怖了吧？）.

Moreover, it is, sometimes, the scientists that bring about some serious problems which they can not give solution（s？） to. When they do the scientific research, they need to try different methods and thus would potentially cause some problems.

It is true that scientists are sometimes helpless confronted with all the problems they created（你这句我就分不清主谓了）, but they should not stop carrying out research（？）, handling immediate problems in fear of creating more difficulty（？）, because only by dealing with new problems continuously could our society make great progress in science and technology and other field （？）as well.（最后一句我又分不清主谓）1纵观全文，好像都没有你的agree or disagree之类的，2：第2，3，4段你都是拼命举例子，你好像一点态度也没有表明。3，最后一段也看不到你鲜明的观点，这可是大忌啊4，从评分的第一项给分（完成写作任务），你只能得不到5分。5，打击你了，继续加油哦（纯粹我个人的观点）

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:25 编辑 ]

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TOPIC：Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women。（TOPIC来源：雅思版置顶下载贴---写作---IELTS Writing Topics---Topic 1）DATE: 18th, August  WORDS: 322It has been remarked that along with the developing of society and with the thinning of the social division of labor, the high level jobs are seldom done by women. It is gradually a common phenomenon(这个词不是说是作文大忌吗？表示什么自然的现象的) that in the recruitment meetings, a lot of employers prefer male candidate rather than female（少一个代词） even though the job is suitable for both men and women. In my opinion, balance between both sex（这里要复数啊） in the percentage of these high level jobs is needed. （最后的一个分句用这样的主语好啊，赞一个，大家要好好学习，呵呵，当然也包括我）Education probably always played（？） a key role in determining one's opportunities for future profession（？）. It is common that the females like to choose the art majors while males（你前面用the females，而这里就只用males？） prefer majoring science and technology. Since most of the high level jobs need the candidates possess a sci-tech background这句话有双谓语的，，，）, for instance, if one want（？） to be a electrical engineer, excellent capacities in mathematics and physics is（这里用is，后面就用are，敢情这里错了，因为主语是复数） absolutely necessary while these are, more or less, what the females lacked.Another reason（你后面跟个同位语从句，这里最后用个that咯？）those employers think that men can do better than women is that, the traditional view of female（低级错误） is less capable than male, what has been inflicted on the women by the whole society for thousands years. In other words, women（这里女人用复数，而后面的宾语都是单数哇？） incline to be regarded as wife and mother rather than expert and leader. Undoubtedly, this is a prejudice, because nowadays, it is very common that women engage in some very important jobs, for instance, there are more and more female professors entering universities and research institutes, and Carly Fiorina, who once was the CEO of HP company, there also have female astronaut. All above can convince that women can do as good as men and even better in some special fields.In principle, at least, we are a society （？）where both sexes are equal. The time has come to rethink what we can take actions to make more career opportunities for women and discard the prejudices imposed on females.

批评的就不说了，要赞的是：用词造句都很值得我们学习

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:26 编辑 ]

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V110(losing a variety of languages and cultures)What are the reasons for losing a variety of languages and cultures? Give some solutions to solve the problem.It can not be denied that minority languages and cultures are dying out as we entered(感觉这里时态有问题，前后不对应) the epoch of globalization. In fact, this trend may bring some disadvantages of different culture identity（ies？）. To get a sense of how this phenomenon emerged, we must turn first to the causes to（？） it.First and foremost, it is the economic globalization that makes it possible for all the people to use only one common language to communicate, and even to make them identify others’ culture（前后单复数不，，）. In addition, when two completely different（你还用different啊？disparate dissimilar distinct diverse unlike都不错啊）cultures meet at the first time, the one in inferior situation would probably be in the danger of extinction. Lastly, people who speak minor language could not pay enough attention to their language and culture. Instead, they inclined to speak more international one, which, they thought, is a kind of fashion.From the three reasons I mentioned above, I would like to suggest some solutions to them. First of all, the government of those nations with minor languages should take some measures to enhance the awareness of protecting their own language and culture, which, otherwise, would potentially endanger national identity.(? 不知道对不对)（句子倒没有错，不过前面的which就应该不要了）. Secondly, it is the non-governmental organization’s responsibility that provides some lectures to show the importance of their own language and how to protect their culture. Thirdly, all walks of society（请教这是什么意思，呵呵互相学习） should help each other to preserve their culture. As a proud citizen of our colorful global village, I do agree that there are irresistible benefits（？）in having a common language. However, as each language and culture plays an essential role in diversity of the world, it is high time that we protected（？）them.很中规中矩的一篇作文，嗯，都能“满足”题目的要求，不过我看不到很“闪光”的句子同勉同勉

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:27 编辑 ]

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Some people say that the increasing business and culture contrast between countries has the positive development,others say it would loss the countries identities ,discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is a long-running debate as to whether the social progess lie with science or with other subjects.
Some people believe that scientist motivate the modernization of mankind heavily while others maintain
that  society has been booming since now due to the even-accelecating(even-accelerating单词拼写错误，但这个词好像是你造的吧，我看不明白) development  of other principles such as business and linguistic. To my mind, the former view does make sence.

We can hardly lose the sight of the fact that every country  prides itself on the scientific and technical advance and keeps abreast on sophisticated skillin the world.Undoubtedly,Science which creates wonders during the history of mankind, plays a vital role in stimulating the progress of human beings' civilization.For instance,since the first evporated machine（好像蒸气机不用过去分词吧？用也是用这个evaporated） had been invented,the sociaty ran into the industriated（工业化也没有用这个啊，好像用这个哦industrialisation，呵呵，共同学习）time where the efficiency of mannual work was improved extremely meanwhile the scale of production was enlarged much more than that before.In additional（？也能这样用，未见过，不好意思请教下）,a deep awareness to（of？） the world has been further with the help of the scientific knowledge.Finally,the change of the life style and standard has taken place gradually.the variety of household electronic equipments makes the daily life much more convenient that the ancient people can not imagine.The average lifespan become（s？） much longer because of the first level medical facilitise（美式写法？） that scitence brings about.

Nevertheless.I am far from advocating neglect of business and language,am I an enthusiast of scientism?.To some extent,the increasing economy depends on the flourish business.Moveover the advance of science enable companies to gain huge profit which can invests the science research to spur the foot of science.d

看了你的作文，让我有了一种新的感觉，很严密的逻辑，像是考过GRE的仁兄，很多句子都值得我们学习。呵呵，但题目既然说要你discuss both sides，这个方面你就没有完成task了。  学习了，谢谢

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:28 编辑 ]

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Many people says teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong.  Others says teachers should only teach studens academic subjests. Discuss and give your opinion.

Teacher(这里最好用复数哦), illuminating of（去掉？）knowledge, plays an essential role in the  process of students who crave for knowledge. Some people purpose that（你的用法又几特别） teachers should teach students how to judge right from wrong., those who oppose it argue that teachers should just teach students academic subjests.（上面这句最好不要照抄题目哦？） From my point of view, both opinions are valid but need balanced.To begin with, it goes without saying that students should be taught with academic knowledge, which is the necessity of their future. Subject（s？） including Math, physics, history, language, and so on has their（？） special purpose, which will conduce to  students academic ability, laying（你这里用现在分词？这样我就理不清你的句子关系了） good foundation for further education and  future career. Therefore, teacher should give priority to academic subjects in classes.Despite the significant role of the academic knowledge, the skill of how to tell the differences from right to wrong should not be neglected. It is no denying that we are living in a world of contrast（这句是什么意思，请教一下）, as the living standard improves, life abound in more and more unavoidable problems. The increasing trend of juvenile delinquency become（这里应该用单数，老外会觉得你这个错犯得很“严重”） the focus of the media, which arise big concern. Students, especially the youngster, have no basic concept about （of？）the differences between right and wrong, without the appropriate guides, they are too vulnerable to negative effect, namely the frequent violent plots on the TV screen, the sexual and pornographic description on the webpage ,（这里应用一个and连接，不过你后面还有一句the list，，，）tobacco advertisements on the street（？）, the list will go on and on. It is the responsibility for the teacher to teach some basic rules, and let them know the dangers and beware of them.To sum up, it is true that the teacher should emphasize the academic knowledge; it is also true that teacher should teach students to judge what is right and wrong. However, both of them are necessary responsibility of teacher, only with the combination of these two aspects, the students can be trained to a capable person（晕，最后还来一个单复数不对应）.你的作文真的让我不好评价，，，

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:29 编辑 ]

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Traffic jams are now a major problem in most cities.However,it seems that people are not prepared to give up their cars and use other forms of transport.Discuss the reasons for these two situations and suggest how the situation might be improved or resolved.At present,traffic jam has become a major problem which most city dwellers,especially those who live in metropolis,have to confront in their everyday lives.Why is traffic jam a problem?At(?) first,owing to the fact that the vehicles keep giving off harmful gases during traffic jams,air pollution and(?) furthermore,global warming will deteriorate(?).In additon,traffic jams will affect the effectiveness of work, because the people have to spend much more time on way to office than necessary,and their work will be distracted and delayed.Apart from this,traffic jam might give rise to more traffic accidents and therefore becomes a menace to people’s lives.So harmful traffic jam is,the number of private cars still goes up apace.Why?Personally(?) I think,the first reason may be the remoteness of people’s workplaces(?).As a result,people have to choose a tool rather than walk to go to work.Being flexible and relatively convenient,private car becomes a very attractive choice.Moreover,owning a private car,especially in some developing countries,is itself a symbol of wealth and high social position.In some developed countries such as USA,it is also the symbol of independence and maturity.Anyway,owning and driving private cars are regarded by many people as basic human rights.Undoutedly,traffic jam must be ,and can be alleviated by correct means.In my view,spending more money on public transportation systems may be a feasible means.Needless to say,policies which encourage people to put these systems to full use,for example,giving certain subsidies,are necessary.In the meantime,measures to restrict the use of private cars,such as levying higher taxes on cars or(?) petrol,its(?) fuel,or exerting more restrictions on the distribution of certificate,should be taken.

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:30 编辑 ]

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It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional culture must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible you cannot have both together .
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


On account of the rapid development of science and technology, most people think that our traditional culture (will be, must be)is lost. They even regard that technology and tradition are incompatible, (that is to say, namely)so(?) you cannot have both together. But, as far as I am concerned, I am inclined(?) to agree with the point of view that technology has exerted a vital impact on the survival of the tradition. We can have both of them(这句有些多余了吧？).

First of all, the technology can help us throw away the harmful part of the tradition. For instance, in the past year（years？）, some people said that if we ate a special pill, we would not die forever. But today, scientist（s） tell us everyone will die one day, no matter what he eat.

Moreover, the technology can help us preserve the benefical part of our tradition. Through modern technology, in the Spring Festival, the CCTV channel broadcast（s?） the Spring Festival Party to(?) all over the world. Thus, increasingly(?) people know our Spring Festival and like it. And the Chinese people, who are in broad(abroad?), when they see the Spring Festival Party, miss(missing?) their homeland very much.

The most important (thing?)is that nowaday most parents are too busy to tell their children the tradition, but the technology teach them. More and more children know the traditional culture from the TV and books. Just imagine that if there is(was虚拟语气?) no technology, where are TV and books?

For the reasons present above, I strongly commit the notion that we can have both technology and tradition.

字数太少了，才233个，文章挺连贯的，就是很多句子重复了同一个词语出现太多次，应该多用同义词，或代词结尾没有说服力低级错误稍多


[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:30 编辑 ]

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Nowadays, with the wide used(use?) of computer(S?), there are more and more schools and college incline to share some teaching responsibility(ies?) with computer, like computer aid management, teaching by couseware and something like that. In such circumstance, some people think that the teacher could be replaced by computer. To some extent, the claim sounds reasonable at first thought. After all, they does(do?) offer a lot of evidence to convince that computer can do a better job than human beings in several aspect(s?). While I agree that computer, undoubted(undoubtedly?), become more and more indispensable in our daily life, for example, in scientific research, we need computers to handle large amounts of data, in banking, the role of the computer can not be ignored. But I insist that because of the special nature of the work teachers, teaching students by teacher(s?) still better than by computer(s?). I have used a set of software called Advance Multimedia Course ware, at the beginning, it makes me felt(?) very novel but, after a period of time, I began to feel the(?) dull and boring. No matter how advanced and intelligent the developer have claimed, fundamentally, it but is a program that written by programmer, it has rules, as well as grammar., very reliable, never make a mistake, but, it seems to me, these so-called merits that computer(?) overmatching man as somebody claim, make(主句和从句得时态？) me feel tedious and monotonous when I was “taught” by computer.Some people would argue that with the development of IT technology and AI science, sooner or later, the simulation capability of computer can （be）very strong and be able to like a true human. But even so, even （？）computer could teach as good as teacher, (which?前面没有逗号，不像是插入语啊)still need some very essential things—like teaching experiences and teaching skill--to develop such software, and where do these experiences and skills come from? Can be produced by computer themselves? I don't think so, regardless how powerful the software could perform, by the root, it can not exist without the real teachers. Perhaps one day, computer can evolve super advanced and sufficient to study by themselves（这句看不懂）, maybe they can assume the teaching responsibility, however, till now, there are not any such software could achieve this.In summary, while some people may remain unconvinced by my argument, the reason I have analysed why teacher can not be replaced by computer may at least make them aware of the necessity of teacher. However, despite the deficiencies of computer, they are still regarded as a powerful tools that if we used properly, can bring great convenience to our work, so, it is critical that teacher improve their old teaching methods by using computer at some level of educational process.


看到你的作文那么长，我就只想说激励的话了很有潜力啊呵呵，照你这样写下去，进步会很快的啊共勉共勉

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:31 编辑 ]

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People receive a lot of information from news reports presented by journalists.However,some people claim that we cannot believe the news that we are represented with.In additon,what qualities do you think journalists should have?The vital role of news,our main access to(这个短语的意思是：有权使用！我不知你想表达什么意思呢？) information,is beyond doubt.However,it is still not freed from challenge.For example,its reliability is under attack.Frank speaking,I don’t trust the news very much,either.In the first place,the journalists,as other participants of the production of news,have their own standpoints and prejudices.As a result,their final product,i.e. the news,will inevitably burdened with these standpoints and prejudices, which the readers cannot distinguish from the facts.In fact,although I’m not a relativist,I think,apart from some exceptions such as weather forecasts,there can scarcely be such things as ‘pure’ facts.What’s more,the journalists and their workmates do not work for themselves.It cannot be neglected that most newspapers,especially the famous ones,are now controlled by an handful of magnates,e.g. Murdoch and his News Group.They are other major origins of interferences besides the government.Thus,the credibility of news is further affected.As for the producers of news themselves,far from being consummate or omnipotent（？）,they will,intentionally or not ,make mistakes.For example,some journalists or editors use computer softwares to modify the original photos,some of them even concoct false stories.Moreover,there may be something wrong with the source on which the producers of news depend sometimes.In so far as the necessary qualities of journalists,I think the most important one is honesty.Owing to the fact that  objectivity is difficult to be achieved to （？）some extent,the journalists should show their standpoints as clearly as possible.So that the readers can draw their own conclusions.In addition,braveness is another indispensible quality.The journalists should not fear the magnates and other powerful persons.And it is based on honesty.Naturally,journalists,who don’t simply report the apparent facts,should be investigative（？）.That is to say,they should should seek out as much information as possible.Obviously,without the former two qualities,this one cannot be fulfilled.In general,since the facts cannot clearly separated from values,I don’t think we can take the credibility of news for granted.At any rate,the final judgement should be made by the public.

恩，是一篇思路清晰的作文啊　所用的连接词都很好，给人一种不＂做作＂的感觉不知道你卡时间了没有如果你在考场也有这样清晰的表达就，，，


[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:31 编辑 ]

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There are two charts below. The first bar graph describes trends in tourists selection in traveling abroad throughout Japan between 1985 and 1995, and the second curve diagram illustrates the percentage that Australian occupied in the Japanese tourists market in the same period. As can be seen from these two charts, the number of Japanese tourists who travel abroad has generally grown over the 10-year period. Indeed, a marked more than 10 millions rise, which has tripled the total number, in the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad , has been recorded between the year 1985 and 1995. Meanwhile, the Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market has also gone up from 1985 to 1995, however, with some fluctuation.
  According to the first bar graph, there was a steady upward trend in the number of Japanese tourist traveling abroad, ranging from approximately 5 millions to around 11millions, from 1985 to 1990. Nevertheless, there has been a slight fall in this number in 1991, before it returned to the level of about 12 millions in 1992. After that, this number had a little growth in 1993, which reached approximately 12 millions, and from that moment on, a staggering growth, from 1993 to 1995, has taken place, and in 1995, the total number is over 15 millions.
  It is clear from the second curve diagram that in the period between 1985 and 1988, there was a raise in the percentage that Australia occupied in the market of Japanese tourists, which ranged from 2% to less than 5%. Nonetheless, this figure fell, sharply to the bottom, which is a little over 4% ,in 1989. After that, a stable growth has taken place, meanwhile, the percentage peaked in 1993 as a little over 6%, and followed by a slight drop in 1994, to approximately 6%.
  Generally speaking, we can conclude from these two charts above that there were upward trends in both the total number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad and the percentage that Australia occupied in the marker of Japanese tourists.

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-9-16 00:31 编辑 ]

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分个页;d:

以前改的作文有些忘了保存了
就这么多吧

ps:算是完成一个＂诺言＂吧

forbeckUID: 2297645

嘻嘻！那我给诺言加分还时加精呢;d:

我先把你的字体给改一下吧？:)

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-9-15 19:59 编辑 ]

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事不大，你就看者办吧;d:

forbeckUID: 2297645

该了一篇就晕了，明晚回来改吧~~~~

今晚还有好多事:o ~~~~

67169619UID: 2320695

保重身体:)