请高手修改作文~

hildawangUID: 2394142

题目是：大学生在选择专业的时候，是考虑个人兴趣，还是要满足社会需求。谈谈你的看法。
以下是我的作文：

With university study become almost a necessity in modern society, there emerged the question facing most students as whether to choose a major that meets the interest of individual or the need of the society. To me I will definitely choose to adapt university study to the future society needs for the following two reasons.

My first reason is that the ultimate objective of studying in university is to be useful to the society after graduation, which also goes in line with the main function of university. So as the future elite class, university students should also choose to learn the knowledge that prove to be beneficial to the society as a whole. Besides, with the resources the government put in for our education, we as a citizen should make our own contribution to our country.

The other reason I raised is that it is more important and urgent to find a job. For one thing, university education can be regarded as an investment, so considering its vast cost, an ideal job is the best return it can offer. Thus studying a much needed major can be relatively easy for a student to ensure a job offer. Besides, with the income ensured by a job, it is also possible to develop ones individual interest and hobbies.

To conclude, the choice of university major is a choice between a short term and long term aim. I believe studying a major useful to society does not necessarily contrast with ones interest if only the time is properly arranged. No matter what decision is made, one thing is certain: striking a balance between career and interest is key to a happy life in the long run.

futuremanUID: 2327059

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futuremanUID: 2327059

revising

futuremanUID: 2327059

题目是：大学生在选择专业的时候，是考虑个人兴趣，还是要满足社会需求。谈谈你的看法。
以下是我的作文：

With[When] university study become almost a necessity in modern society, there emerged [there emerged是哪里的句型？@@]the question facing most students as whether to choose a major that meets the interest of individual or the need of the society. To me I will definitely choose to adapt university study to the future society needs for the following two reasons.[表达很生涩恩]

My first reason is that the ultimate objective of studying in university is to be [to be 多余]useful to the society after graduation, which also goes in line with the main function of university. So as the future elite class, university students should also choose to learn the knowledge that [which is] prove to be beneficial to the society as a whole. Besides, with the resources the government put in for our education, we as a citizen should make our own contribution to our country.

The other reason I raised is that it[it指什么，要说明] is more important and urgent to find a job. For one thing, university education can be regarded as an investment, so considering its vast cost, an ideal job is the best return it can offer. Thus studying a much needed major can be relatively easy for a student to ensure a job offer. Besides, with the income ensured by a job, it is also possible to develop ones individual interest and hobbies.[最后说到interest上，偏离了本段ts]

To conclude, the choice of university major is a choice between a short term and long term aim. I believe studying a major useful to society does not necessarily contrast with ones interest if only the time is properly arranged. No matter what decision is made, one thing is certain: striking a balance between career and interest is key to a happy life in the long run.

句子不是很流利，建议LZ把基本语法复习一下。结构上，你找到两个原因支持society的需求，但是第二个分论点又论述到了interest上，感觉思路有些混乱。另外，个人兴趣就一定不能被考虑进来吗，是不是平衡一下更好呢

hildawangUID: 2394142

谢谢你的修改~感觉思路有点问题，当时看到这个题目想法很多，但是有些混乱的说。。。语法问题。。。从来没注意到。。多谢提醒！

hildawangUID: 2394142

there emerged。。。 我查过了，是有这样的表达方式。

To me I will definitely choose to adapt university study to the future society needs for the following two reasons.[表达很生涩恩]——My choice is to adapt university study meet the social needs, mainly for the following two reasons.(这样好点吗？）

The other reason I raised is that it[it指什么，要说明]——it is important...这不是一个句型吗？？

最后我有一个很迷茫的问题：如果主题是同意某个观点，比如本文，是支持meet social needs, 那如何引进balance interest 的讨论呢？不是偏题了吗？