雅思作文第九篇，谢谢大家指导：）

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

9.Tourism is a multibillion dollars industry that supports economic development, some people think that it causes damage to local environment and culture, so what is your opinion?

It is obviously that tourism is becoming a large industry that supports many places’ economic development in the recent 10 years. However, increasing numbers of people believe that it exerts several negative impacts on local environment and culture. From my perspective, provided that we take into account this problem, it will bring a growing number of wealth to us. At the same time, the local environment and culture will not be influenced.

There is no denying the fact that the majority of places of interesting have been damaged by the tourists to some extent. They bring a mount of rubbish there. What is more, some the local people change their usual live to suit the tourists in order to earn more money. All of these have certain unfavourable effects on the local environment and culture.

However, if we take suitable measures to these problems, the tourism will produce positive impact on economic development. For instance, we can limit the number of people who want to travel to the same place. Maybe we should allow 1000 people to a place one day. In addition, we ought to protect the local environment from polluting by the tourists. A telling measure is to use the mass media to let more man know the important of protecting the environment. Therefore, we can decrease the negative behavior of man to the local.

To summarize, maybe the tourism causes destruction to the local environment and culture. But we can pay more attention on protecting. The development of tourism will bring more wealth to the local, instead of destroying it.

预测上的作文。40分钟写完。大家指导一下吧，快要暂时熬出头了

forbeckUID: 2297645

占楼~~~~~~：）

forbeckUID: 2297645

It is obviously that tourism is becoming a large industry that supports many places’ economic development in the recent 10 years. However, increasing numbers/number of people believe that it exerts several negative impacts on local environment and culture. From my perspective, provided that we take into account this problem, it will bring a没有单复数的限制吧？ growing number of wealth to us. At the same time, the local environment and culture will/这个词用得有些绝对，要考虑后便能否滴水不漏的论述，才能下这样的结论吧 not be influenced.

There is no denying the fact that the majority of places of interesting have been damaged by the tourists to some extent. They bring a mount of rubbish there. What is more, some OFthe local people change their usual live style to suit the tourists in order to earn more money. All这段话里，不算例子的例子只有两个，最多用both吧？ of these have certain unfavourable effects on the local environment and culture.

However, if we take suitable measures to these problems, the tourism will produce positive impact on economic development. For instance, we can limit the number of people who want to travel to the same place. Maybe we should allow 1000 people to a place one day. In addition, we ought to protect the local environment from polluting by the tourists. A telling measure is to use the mass media to let more man know the important of protecting the environment. Therefore, we can decrease the negative behavior of man to the local这个作名词是当地居民，加上一个place?.

To summarize, maybe the tourism causes destruction to the local environment and culture. But we can pay more attention on protecting. The development of tourism will bring more wealth to the local, instead of destroying it.
建议：
1、首先是审题的问题，这个题目应该是argument的类型，但是被你写成了solution,首段提出了你自己的观点，就是支持旅游产业，因为他们对当地经济的影响力远大于对其的不良影响，但是body部分缺陷反驳了你不支持的观点，随后提出建议；我认为这类的文章的body部分，应该论述自己支持的观点，加上支持的理由，然后反驳你反对的观点，最后可以花一点的文字提出建议，这样文章应该能稍微完整一点，唯一的不足就是很容易超出字数
2、脱离开中间部分，首段和末段都不错，至少用最简单的方法解决了问题
3、其实没什么更多更深入的建议了，还是想在啰嗦下，审题~~：）

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-9-20 16:55 编辑 ]

ray-dayUID: 2366509

It is obviously that tourism is becoming a large industry that supports many places’ economic development in the recent 10 years. However, increasing numbers of people believe that it exerts several negative impacts on local environment and culture. From my perspective, provided that we take into account this problem, it will bring a growing number of wealth to us. At the same time, the local environment and culture will not be influenced.

开头段落很好，在叙述题目背景的同时也引出自己的观点，只是观点表达的不够清楚，“如果我们重视这个问题，它就会。。。有好的方面的影响”可是作者所提出的“重视这个问题”是怎么个重视法呢，这里看似有了作者自己的观点，但总感觉观点还是空的。如果换成“重视并采取积极有效的预防措施”貌似要比单纯说一个重视，效果好些）

There is no denying the fact that the majority of interested spots(汗，居然忘记了古迹怎么说了，这个可能不对。。。) have been damaged by the tourists to some extent. They bring a mount of rubbish there. What is more, some （去掉the） local people change their usual live to suit the tourists in order to earn more money. All of these （这个these 指代不明，这句可否换成thus, it triggers much certain disagreeable effects on …  ）have certain unfavourable effects on the local environment and culture.


However, if we take suitable measures to these problems, the tourism will produce positive impact on economic development（这句再加个比较级吧，说游客将会带来比过去更多的有利影响.） For instance, we can limit the number of people who want to travel to the same place. Maybe we should allow 1000 people to a place one day. In addition, we ought to protect the local environment from polluting by the tourists. （这句也再加个成分吧，我们可以通过。。。措施来保护因游客产生的环境破坏）

A telling measure is to use the mass media to let more man know the important of protecting the environment. Therefore, we can decrease the negative behavior of man to the local.To summarize, maybe the tourism causes destruction to the local environment and culture. But we can pay more attention on protecting. The development of tourism will bring more wealth to the local, instead of destroying it.

整体感觉不错。词汇有的用的很漂亮，有些句子内容缺了点，不是语法结构上的问题，而是感觉话没有说完。中间2段的结构如果再斟酌些，效果会更好。对于文章内容，总感觉每一点都简单一提，可是没有深入。不过40分钟时间一紧张，能想到的确实也就这些了。呵呵。我就说说自己理解的，不恰当的地方楼主多包涵了^ ^

[ 本帖最后由 ray-day 于 2007-9-20 17:21 编辑 ]

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

感激二位~~~~~~:handshake :handshake
啦啦啦最后一天了~~~~~~

forbeckUID: 2297645

给你打气拉:loveliness:

不要老提醒自己最后剩一天了嘛！告诉自己再过两三天就能好好休息一下拉~~;d:

chenfei876UID: 2373701

楼主写的很好........:) 最后一天了.....记住早点休息不要在线了.....休息不好影响明天的听力的........偶没办法帮你具体的修改......在这短短的时间里只是想提醒你切题; 论据充分;再用词准确漂亮.只要在规定 的时间内完成的话就很了不起了:loveliness: 加油加油,啦啦啦qlm (小小齐) ！

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising..

futuremanUID: 2327059

9.Tourism is a multibillion dollars industry that supports economic development, some people think that it causes damage to local environment and culture, so what is your opinion?

It is obviously[obvious] that tourism is becoming a large industry that supports many places’ economic development in the recent 10 years. However, increasing numbers of people believe that it exerts several negative impacts on local environment and culture. From my perspective, provided that we take into account this problem, it will bring a growing number of wealth to us. At the same time, the local environment and culture will not be influenced.[立场很清晰了，对题目的回应和很到位]

There is no denying the fact that the majority of places of interesting [interests] have been damaged by the tourists to some extent. They bring a mount of rubbish there. What is more, some the local people change their usual live to suit the tourists in order to earn more money. All of these have certain unfavourable effects on the local environment and culture.[你开头不是说not be influenced, 然后这里又说环境和文化被damaged，不是狠狠的抽了自己了？虽然我知道你想让步，但起码在首段TS里面要把让步的内容有所体现啊。]

However, if we take suitable measures to these problems, the tourism will produce positive impact on economic development. [解决环保和经济发展的关系，从你的论证来看，这个分论点很牵强] For instance, we can limit the number of people who want to travel to the same place. Maybe we should allow 1000 people [go to] to a place one day.[这个例子和经济有什么联系？？] In addition, we ought to protect the local environment from polluting by the tourists. A telling measure is to use the mass media to let more man [men] know the important [importance] of protecting the environment. Therefore, we can decrease the negative behavior of man to the local.[这些方法对经济发展有什么意义？一点也没说啊]

To summarize, maybe the tourism causes destruction to the local environment and culture. But we can pay more attention on protecting. The development of tourism will bring more wealth to the local, instead of destroying it.

例子对论点的支持不好。第一段写的还比较漂亮（如果最后合并成一句TS更好），后面分论点的逻辑很比较混乱了。你分论点要紧扣全文TS，每段内容要紧紧扣住本段TS来展开，否则文章就会散。
好好修改，改完我看。

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

写完自己再看，也感觉有点偏题，列个提纲菠萝兄帮忙看看这样行不行
第一段，还是原来那样写
第二段，会给当地带来好处。1，增加收入。2，宣传自己的文化
第三段，重视保护工作，采取适当的措施，最大程度不去破坏当地环境。例如，提高人们环保意识等
第四段，结尾

这是一篇argument的文章，开始写的像解决方法，所以第二段着重写，第三段笔墨少一些
菠萝兄这样安排可不可以？

futuremanUID: 2327059

第二段，题目是economic development，宣传文化好像没有太大联系吧觉得...其实"给当地带来好处"这是一个比题目范畴更大的概念，关键你还要扣到提高economic的原因上，第二段深入分析两个原因。

第三段转折的太突兀，可以考虑加一个过渡段，论述旅游业的发展确实会带来一些破坏，中间分析两个小的原因。不用写太长，4句话即可，关键要分析一下原因。

第四段，人们可以采取措施把破坏减低到最小，而且通过保护环境，人们可以获得更大的经济利益。
我想这样展开，可以充分说明你对旅游业刺激经济发展这个立场的支持。

可以参考 我整理的优秀习作汇总贴 第三篇习作，体会下平衡思路的精妙

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

菠萝兄啊`~~~
第二段，增加收入，还有呢？你直接点拨一下吧，我的脑袋锈住了~~~;d:

futuremanUID: 2327059

旅游业的繁荣主要对经济起到以下作用：
增加税收收入 tax income，增加就业机会，提高人民生活质量，推动城市设施更新，等等，很多吧~

forbeckUID: 2297645

原帖由 啦啦啦qlm 于 2007-9-21 15:43 发表
写完自己再看，也感觉有点偏题，列个提纲菠萝兄帮忙看看这样行不行
第一段，还是原来那样写
第二段，会给当地带来好处。1，增加收入。2，宣传自己的文化
第三段，重视保护工作，采取适当的措施，最大程度不去 ...

第三段，最好是有一个过渡，说明一下可能带来的危害，这样才能顺理成章的引出措施~~

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

我不敢再写这样过渡的话了，我发现但凡我想过渡，我想平衡一下写的文章，都有跑题的嫌疑
所以为了保险，明天我尽量不会这样写的