蒙牛的20篇板油习作修改合集（下）

forbeckUID: 2297645

If you were an employer, which kind of worker would you prefer to hire: an inexperienced worker at a lower salary or an experienced worker at a higher salery? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Whether I would hire the experienced employee in high salary or inexperience one in lower salary is depending on the profit that employee could bring for my company. If the company has enough money to afford the high salary demanding from the experienced employee, meanwhile I can gain more profits from him, I will not to refuse this employee. However, if I can infuse our experience to the novice, perhaps we could earn higher profits considering the lower salary for this inexperienced employee.

I would like to hire the employer in lower salary when I have the suitable position for them and have not abundant in money. Remembered when I found my job last year, I can not ask for high salary due to that I do not have the sufficient experience in the relevant work field. Then, I got my fist job easily because I can do something which does not need high technology with lower wage. So if I was an employer and I do not need some specialist, I would hire the same employee as me in last year to do the fundamental position in my company. After all, using the fixed money, I can hire more employees in lower salary than that in higher one.

However, if I need the experience of which I lack to help my company in a rapid development and gain many profits, I would like to pay high salary for the employee who has this experience. Compared to the profits brought by this employee, the salary is occupied in a small rate. For example, The Nissan Automobile Company (Japan) faced the serious finance deficit in the 2004 and almost confronted the bankrupt crisis. However, with the bait of high salary, the Nissan invited a French specialist to be their Chief Executive Officer. Only after one year, this French manager saved the whole company from edge of bankruptcy, and then brought the whole company the new energy and substantive profits in the following years. How many inexperienced employees could do the same thing for Nissan Company? The answer must be none.

In sum, the salary paid for the employee is depending on the profits the employee could bring for me. Even though I hired the inexperienced employee, if he likes to learn the knowledge and I have enough experience to teach in relevant field to increase their experience, I still can image that he would bring profits for me. So I should know my real need and current situation when I decide the experience and the salary the employ should have.

Whether I would hire the experienced employee in high salary or inexperience one in lower salary这句没有改写题目 is depending on the profit that employee could bring for/to my company. If the company has enough money to afford the high salary demanding from/这貌似有中式的味道,用法应该是demand sth. of/from sb.要求某人做某事，你要表达的是？ the experienced employee, meanwhile I can gain more profits from him, I will not to refuse this kind of employee. However, if I can infuse our experience to the novice, perhaps we could earn higher profits considering the lower salary for this inexperienced employee.首段过于啰嗦，明确的地处自己的观点就好，不用这么详细地说明

I would like to hire the employer/employee in lower salary when I have the suitable position for them and have not abundant in money. Remembered when I found my job last year, I can not ask for high salary due to that I do not have the sufficient experience in the relevant work field. Then, I got my fist job easily because I can do something which does not need high technology with lower wage.这是我一直不敢尝试的例子，看过很多人说不要用自己或朋友家人的例子，这样的说服力不够 So if I was an employer and I do not need some specialist, I would hire th的说服力不够e same/这里用same不太合适把~~ employee as me in last year to do the fundamental position in my company. After all, using the fixed money, I can hire more employees in lower salary than that in higher one.

However, if I need the experience of which I lack to help my company in a rapid development and gain many profits/可以考虑改成gain many profits in a rapid development ?要不断句的情况下读前半句，就会发现没有动词了, I would like to pay high salary for the employee who has this experience. Compared to the profits brought by this employee, the salary is occupied in a small rate. For example, The Nissan Automobile Company (Japan) faced the serious finance deficit in the 2004 and almost confronted the bankrupt crisis. However, with the bait of high salary, the Nissan invited a French specialist to be their Chief Executive Officer. Only after one year, this French manager saved the whole company from theedge of bankruptcy, and then brought the whole company the可删除 new energy and substantive profits in the following years. How many inexperienced employees could do the same thing for Nissan Company? The answer must be none.这句话太主观了，反问句用得很有水平，但是最后一影响很大，谁也不能肯定这种雇员是否存在

In sum, the salary paid for the employee is depending on the profits the employee could bring for me. Even though I hired the inexperienced employee, if he likes to learn the knowledge and I have enough experience to teach in relevant field to increase their experience, I still can image that he would bring profits for me. So I should know my real need and current situation when/before I decide the experience and the salary the employ should have.

建议：

1、逻辑严密，思路也很清晰

2、但是我还是想提两个意见：文章里有些中式的痕迹；还有就是字数问题，429~~考试的时候，怕是来不及

原贴：http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-738855-1-1.html

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-9-28 16:16 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

The dieting habits of the public are changing now. Discuss the possible reasons of this situation. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Dieting habits of the public has undergone rapid change in the past years. The diversification of eating habit is a clear reflection of people’s response towards a ever-changing social environment, which I would like to talk about from the following two aspects.

First，the most obvious change is the appearance and spread of fast food-also called junk food. Rich in fat and calorie, it originally stemmed from the western world, chased by people in seek of efficiency and convenience, both of which are the two basic value of an industrialized world. With the wide spread of junk food should hold responsibility for such health problems as obesity, diabetes and heart attack.

The second trend worth noticing is the popular dieting movement, practiced by most woman to adapt themselves to the popular standard of beauty——slim. The logic goes like this: beauty is equal to slim, and in order to achieve that you should go on a diet. Dieting has become almost a mania: woman, regardless of age, shudder at the mere mention of “eat” and feel guilty of anything they put into their stomach. The craziness has lead to malnutrition and a permanent damage to health.

Apart from these changes in dieting I mentioned, there also appeared in favor of healthy food. They only select natural and fresh food instead of junk food or blindly reject any life supporting food. No matter what lifestyle people choose, one thing is certain: health is basic principle and key to a happy life.

Dieting habits of the public has undergone rapid change in the past years. The diversification of eating habit is a clear reflection of people’s response towards a ever-changing social environment, which I would like to talk about from the following two aspects.First，the most obvious change is the appearance and spread of fast food-also called junk food. Rich in fat and calorie, it originally stemmed from the western world, chased by people in seek of efficiency and convenience, both of which are the two basic value of an industrialized world. With the wide spread of junk food should hold responsibility for such health problems as obesity, diabetes and heart attack.这句没有主语？？ The second trend worth noticing is the popular dieting movement, practiced by most woman/women to adapt themselves to the popular standard of beauty——slim. The logic goes like this: beauty is equal to slim, and in order to achieve that you should go on a diet. Dieting has become almost a mania: woman, regardless of age, shudder at the mere mention of “eat” and feel guilty of anything they put into their stomach. The craziness has lead to malnutrition and a permanent damage to health.
Apart from these changes in dieting I mentioned, there also appeared in favor of healthy food. They only select natural and fresh food instead of junk food or blindly reject any life supporting food. No matter what lifestyle people choose, one thing is certain: health is basic principle and key to a happy life.
1、词汇量很大，长短句也结合得很好~~~
2、因为题目中提到relevant examples ，我认为你可以在论述了两个原因后，可以适当加上一个例子
原贴：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=739515&page=1#pid1770877655

forbeckUID: 2297645

Tourism is a multibillion dollars industry that supports economic development, some people think that it causes damage to local environment and culture, so what is your opinion?

It is obviously that tourism is becoming a large industry that supports many places’ economic development in the recent 10 years. However, increasing numbers of people believe that it exerts several negative impacts on local environment and culture. From my perspective, provided that we take into account this problem, it will bring a growing number of wealth to us. At the same time, the local environment and culture will not be influenced.

There is no denying the fact that the majority of places of interesting have been damaged by the tourists to some extent. They bring a mount of rubbish there. What is more, some the local people change their usual live to suit the tourists in order to earn more money. All of these have certain unfavourable effects on the local environment and culture.

However, if we take suitable measures to these problems, the tourism will produce positive impact on economic development. For instance, we can limit the number of people who want to travel to the same place. Maybe we should allow 1000 people to a place one day. In addition, we ought to protect the local environment from polluting by the tourists. A telling measure is to use the mass media to let more man know the important of protecting the environment. Therefore, we can decrease the negative behavior of man to the local.

To summarize, maybe the tourism causes destruction to the local environment and culture. But we can pay more attention on protecting. The development of tourism will bring more wealth to the local, instead of destroying it.

It is obviously that tourism is becoming a large industry that supports many places’ economic development in the recent 10 years. However, increasing numbers/number of people believe that it exerts several negative impacts on local environment and culture. From my perspective, provided that we take into account this problem, it will bring a没有单复数的限制吧？ growing number of wealth to us. At the same time, the local environment and culture will/这个词用得有些绝对，要考虑后便能否滴水不漏的论述，才能下这样的结论吧 not be influenced.

There is no denying the fact that the majority of places of interesting have been damaged by the tourists to some extent. They bring a mount of rubbish there. What is more, some OF the local people change their usual live styleto suit the tourists in order to earn more money. All这段话里，不算例子的例子只有两个，最多用both吧？ of these have certain unfavourable effects on the local environment and culture.

However, if we take suitable measures to these problems, the tourism will produce positive impact on economic development. For instance, we can limit the number of people who want to travel to the same place. Maybe we should allow 1000 people to a place one day. In addition, we ought to protect the local environment from polluting by the tourists. A telling measure is to use the mass media to let more man know the important of protecting the environment. Therefore, we can decrease the negative behavior of man to the local这个作名词是当地居民，加上一个place?.

To summarize, maybe the tourism causes destruction to the local environment and culture. But we can pay more attention on protecting. The development of tourism will bring more wealth to the local, instead of destroying it.
建议：
1、首先是审题的问题，这个题目应该是argument的类型，但是被你写成了solution,首段提出了你自己的观点，就是支持旅游产业，因为他们对当地经济的影响力远大于对其的不良影响，但是body部分缺陷反驳了你不支持的观点，随后提出建议；我认为这类的文章的body部分，应该论述自己支持的观点，加上支持的理由，然后反驳你反对的观点，最后可以花一点的文字提出建议，这样文章应该能稍微完整一点，唯一的不足就是很容易超出字数
2、脱离开中间部分，首段和末段都不错，至少用最简单的方法解决了问题
3、其实没什么更多更深入的建议了，还是想在啰嗦下，审题~~：）

原贴：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=739880&pid=1770880811&page=1&extra=page%3D2#pid1770880811


[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-9-28 16:25 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

大概意思是，讨论广告对人们生活的利弊。

The influence exerted by ad on people daily life has become a controversial issue. No one can escape the influence of ad, from making a simple purchase decision, to the way we view the world. Ad, just like a two-edged weapon, can do good as well as evil. I would like to explore both the advantages and disadvantages of ad.

At one hand, ad, used properly, can be of great help to the public. For one thing, it acts as a good purchase advisor. Many high-quality products are made know to end consumers by presenting themselves through ad, which otherwise would have been nameless. Besides, ad could serve as the function of public education. NGOs use the ad as a powerful promotion tool to provoke people’s attention to environment protection and wild life.

On the other hand, ad also has its own fault. Whereas it instructs people’s buying habit, ad is also apt to be manipulated wickedly to provide false information. In is obvious that many people have, at least once in life time, has been misled by these inresponsible ad to buy fake products. Apart from that, children may fall victim to ad flooded with sec or violence. It has been found that early exposure to the unhealthy lifestyle on the part of children has a negative affect for their future.

From the discussion above, we can see both sides of the story. Since ad has become so merged with our daily life that the it is the government responsibility to do what it can so that ad exist for the good of the public.

NLThe influence exerted by ad不能用缩写哦 on people daily life has become a controversial issue. No one can escape the influence of ad, from making a simple purchase decision, to the way we view the world. Ad, just like a two-edged weapon, can do good as well as evil. I would like to explore both the advantages and disadvantages of ad.首段很精彩

At one hand, ad, used properly, can be of great help to the public. For one thing, it acts as a good purchase advisor. Many high-quality products are made know to end consumers by presenting themselves through ad, which otherwise would have been nameless这个被绝对化了. Besides, ad could serve as the function of public education. NGOs use the ad as a powerful promotion tool to provoke people’s attention to environment protection and wild life.

On the other hand, ad also has its own fault. Whereas it instructs people’s buying habit, ad is also apt to be manipulated wickedly to provide false information. In is obvious that many people have, at least once in life time, has been misled by these inresponsible ad to buy fake products. Apart from that, children may fall victimS to ad flooded with sec/SEX吧？看完后边的才明白，呵呵or violence. It has been found that early exposure to the unhealthy lifestyle on the part of children has a negative affect for their future.

From the discussion above, we can see both sides of the story. Since ad has become so merged with our daily life that the it is the government responsibility to do what it can so that ad exist for the good of the public.
这段话最为结尾段，显然不够完整，仅仅是提出了建议。建议在结尾段在重申一下自己的观点，你在文章BODY部分，对比了利弊，但是没有形成自己对这两个观点的态度，即使是中立的，最好也说明一下

原贴：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=740205&pid=1770884892&page=1&extra=page%3D3#pid1770884892

forbeckUID: 2297645

Some people think that machine translation is highly developed in today’s society; therefore it is not necessary for children to learn a foreign language. What’s your opinion?

When facing a strange vocabulary, children have the option to check the dictionary, to ask classmates for help, or even to guess according to the context. Some of them who have the opportunity, however, prefer to use the machine translation most. This essay will examine the strengths and weakness of children using the machine translation to imply that it is still necessary for children to learn a foreign language.

In the first place, the benefits of using machine translation for children can be perceived in the following two aspects. An obvious merit is that using machine translation can save their time. As we know, currently, teenagers have a huge stress on their studies, from their parents, relations and also from themselves, simply because everyone wants to be elite. So this instrument helps them a lot. Everyday after school, they have immense homework waiting for them such as Mathematics, English, and Geography and so on; they cannot waste too much time on one subject in order to guarantee their sleep hours. Machine translation can do it when they met an outlandish word—so convenient.

An often--ignored advantage concerning it also can gain knowledge from that tools, extending meaning for example, some of the translation machine has an encyclopedia within the software. When you met the Chinese word “ChuXi”, and do not know how to explain it in English, the machine will not only tell you that it means New Year in English, but tell you some background: “Chu” in English means drive away, and “Xi” is the name of the horrible monster that came to our world once a year, destroying homes, devouring the crops according to Chinese tradition. We will obtain the knowledge unconsciously.

However, even the magic box has its weak points. Learning a foreign language still of great important especially in China. The 2008 Olympics will hold in Beijing, we were extremely proud of it, and welcome people from all over world regardless of races, skin colors, and religions to join this superb party, and to serve and communicate with foreigners, learning English is significant particularly for our children who stand for the future of China.

In sum, although the machine translation is highly developed, learning a foreign language should not be abandoned.

When facing a strange vocabulary, children have the option to check the dictionary, to ask classmates for help, or even to guess according to the context. Some of them who have the opportunity, however, prefer to use the machine translation most. This essay will examine the strengths and weakness of children using the machine translation to imply that it is still necessary for children to learn a foreign language.第一段很漂亮，在提出问题所在的同时巧妙地加入自己的观点。好~~

In the first place, the benefits of using machine translation for children can be perceived in the following two aspects. An obvious merit is that using machine translation can save their time. As we know, currently, teenagers have a huge stress on their studies, from their parents, relations用teachers如何，父母就代表了亲戚了，有点累赘 and also from themselves, simply because everyone wants to be elite. So this instrument helps them a lot. Everyday after school, they have immense homework waiting for them 这句有点罗索，主语直接用homework，更形象写吧such as Mathematics, English, and Geography 这个有点凑字数的嫌疑and so on; they cannot waste too much time on one subject in order to guarantee their sleep hours. Machine translation can do it when they met an outlandish word—so convenient.TS里，你提到两个方面，但是在接下来的文字里，一直在说save time，即使是从压力和学习两方缅论述，纠其根本，也还是节约时间呀！

An often--ignored advantage concerning it also can gain knowledge from that tools, extending meaning for example, some of the translation machine has an encyclopedia within the software. When you met the Chinese word “ChuXi”, and do not know how to explain it in English, the machine will not only tell you that it means New Year in English, but tell you some background: “Chu” in English means drive away, and “Xi” is the name of the horrible monster that came to our world once a year, destroying homes, devouring the crops according to Chinese tradition. We will obtain the knowledge unconsciously.

However, even the magic box has its weak points. Learning a foreign language still of great important especially in China. The 2008 Olympics will hold in Beijing, we were extremely proud of it, and welcome people from all over world regardless of races, skin colors, and religions to join this superb party, and to serve and communicate with foreigners, learning English is significant particularly for our children who stand for the future of China.首段中，你提出学习英语还是很有必要的，如果我没有理解错，你的主要观点还是支持学习外语的，但是在body的三个部分，你只用了一段文字来支持自己的观点，而且里有太少了，虽然为了奥运会学习英语的观点还算有力，可以考虑从其他角度再次证明学习外语的重要性，最好能有三个支撑点，这样文章也会更有说服力　

In sum, although the machine translation is highly developed, learning a foreign language should not be abandoned.
1、对于作文来说，单词量够大了
2、思维也很灵活哦，那个字典作用的例子很有意思，但是占用了太大的篇幅，就是我前面提到的，如果提出了自己的观点，还是要花更多的笔墨来论证的，要不自己都没法让自己的观点都站住脚。又怎么让考官信服呢
3、最后一段，重申了自己的观点，但是只有17个字，有点头重脚轻的感觉

原贴：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=740459&pid=1770885661&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1770885661

forbeckUID: 2297645

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

What is happiness? And why people interested in human happiness? We all want it; we all desire it; we all seek it, but different people will make different define due to their respective angles. For instance, in most part of African country, poverty and homeless is the serious issue that the local people have to deal with, and use you image, if they are no longer hungry; no longer dispossessed, that is happy？-- True indeed. Otherwise in developed country, people only suitable for no hungry and homeless—absolutely not, they want to pursue more than that. So what is true happiness? It is quite a dilemma question.

Obtaining happiness is not as hard as we think, and the hard cord is what you want to be, and how to do it. The following part of this essay will strengthen the significant aspects in achieving the happiness.

For physical aspects, let the exercise as an example. Every morning, jogging is the best way for us to relax and soothe ourselves, and it can also build our strong body, and if you are an extreme sports fan, sky diving also can brought the great excitement for you. I, at all times, cling to the attitude that excellent body is the presupposition for us to gain the happiness.

For psychological aspects, it is more significant acquire the happiness. Reading, life would be extended though reading, and wider ranger we covered, the more you get to know about the world, just like Bacon concluded reading makes a full man; music, it is a language without strange vocabulary and all the notes and tones can carry far more meaning than lyric do, some of them will lead we out of this world. Though these two intrinsic ways, happiness is not far beyond to reach.

What is happiness? Happiness is in everyone's mind; it is not to make a careless definition!

What is happiness? And why people areinterested in human happiness? We all want it; we all desire it; we all seek it, but different people will make different define/definition due to their respective angles. For instance, in most part of African country, poverty and homeless is/are the mostserious issues that the local people have to deal with, and use you image这是中式的说法,直接用image that就好了吧, if they are no longer hungry; no longer dispossessed, that is happy/are they happy？-- True indeed. Otherwise in developed country/countries, people only suitable/what does suitable mean here? for no hungry and homeless—absolutely not, they want to pursue more than that. So what is true happiness? It is quite a dilemma 这是名词question.

Obtaining happiness is not as hard as we think, and the hard cord is what you want to be, and how to do it.这句不会是什么万能句子吧？用在这里有点莫名其妙，连接不上啊 The following part of this essay will strengthen the significant aspects in achieving the happiness.

For physical aspects, let the exercise as an example. Every morning, jogging is the best慢跑并不适合所有的人，用最高级有点绝对化了 way for us to relax and soothe ourselves, and it can also build our strong body, and if you are an extreme sports fan, sky diving also can brought the great excitement for you. I, at all times, cling to the attitude that excellent body is the presupposition for us to gain the happiness.

For psychological aspects, it is more significant acquire the happiness. Reading, life would be extended though /through reading, and wider ranger we covered, the more you get to know about the world, just like Bacon concluded reading makes a full man; music, it is a language without strange vocabulary and all the notes and tones can carry far more meaning than lyric do, some of them will lead we/us out of this world开个玩笑，要是out of this world，这个人可能就有某种倾向了，还能算是心理健康吗？呵呵. Though these two intrinsic ways, happiness is not far beyond to reach.

What is happiness? Happiness is in everyone's mind; it is not to make a careless definition最后可以在不上对factors的总结，文章会更完整些
原贴：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=741093&pid=1770891361&page=1&extra=page%3D2#pid1770891361

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-9-28 16:39 编辑 ]

H-KevinUID: 2182070

怎么能把这么好的帖子给漏了。。

大家要好好看看自己是不是平时也经常范这样类似的毛病~~~ :)

蒙牛兄辛苦了~ :handshake

67169619UID: 2320695

我要看看     （报道了）