TASK2作文一篇,请大家狠狠来拍,谢谢

myw201201UID: 2364177

我的英语比较差,希望前辈们多多指教,多多板砖,谢谢
Theme: when a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out, it is pointless to try and keep them alive. Agree or disagree?

In present-day society, many countries develop the modern technology. At the same times, the traditional skills will face to danger of extinction. Hence, the traditional skills of tendency become one of controversial topic. Some people believe that traditional skills is less importance than modern technology, it is inevitable that the modern technology will replace traditional skills. Others people hold divergent views, they think that the traditional skills still have value, so we should try protection and keep them alive. Personally, I agree with the latter view.

Granted, there is no denying that the traditional skills are already behind the times. First and foremost the traditional skills of efficiency is too lowness. For example, the assembly lines are large faster than the hand work. Moreover, the machine can save us much time and labors. In other words, the boss can save much money and resource by modern technology.

Nevertheless, the traditional skills of benefits are instead deficiency of modern technology. In the first place, the traditional skills of goods are finer than good of making by machine in some place. For instance, the china handcraft is fine, but the machine is hard to copy it, even if machine can copy, the most of goods is crudeness. In the second place, the world of resource will is depleted quickly by modern of manufacture, in comparison with, the skills are more save resource than modern technology. Last but not least, generally speaking, the traditional skills follow profound and ancient culture, we protected ancient culture, why not protect the traditional skills.

In the final analysis, I concede that the modern technology carry some benefits. However, the traditional skills existence of value far outweighs the extinction of benefits. On the whole, I believe the times can demonstrate significance of traditional skills

H-KevinUID: 2182070

贴作文
发作文请在这里留下链接，有加分
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-724783-1-1.html
同时热心板油（牛儿天空和啦啦啦）会给你修改
如果需要菠萝修改请在这里留下链接https://bbs.gter.net/thread-729183-1-1.html
同时欢迎你也给别人改作文（有加分啊），从而学习别人的长处，更快的提高自己咯

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising.

futuremanUID: 2327059

Theme: when a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out, it is pointless to try and keep them alive. Agree or disagree?

In present-day society, many countries develop the modern technology. At the same times, the traditional skills will face to danger of extinction. Hence, the traditional skills of tendency become one of controversial topic. Some people believe that traditional skills is less importance [important]than modern technology, it is inevitable that the modern technology will replace traditional skills. Others people hold divergent views, they think that the traditional skills still have value, so we should try protection and keep them alive. Personally, I agree with the latter view.

Granted, there is no denying that the traditional skills are already behind the times. First and foremost the traditional skills of efficiency is too lowness[low]. For example, the assembly lines are large faster than the hand work. Moreover, the machine can save us much time and labors.[本段说的是tradition可是入手点都是modern technology] In other words, the boss can save much money and resource by modern technology.

Nevertheless, the traditional skills of benefits are instead deficiency of modern technology. In the first place, the traditional skills of goods are finer than good of making by machine in some place. For instance, the china handcraft is fine, but the machine is hard to copy it, even if machine can copy, the most of goods is crudeness. [你的第二个理由站不住脚，传统skill也耗费资源，只不过更慢些而已，而不是耗费的更少]In the second place, the world of resource will [将来时？]is depleted quickly by modern of manufacture, in comparison with, the skills are more save resource than modern technology. [save resource much more]Last but not least, generally speaking, the traditional skills follow profound and ancient culture, we protected ancient culture, why not protect the traditional skills.

In the final analysis, I concede that the modern technology carry some benefits. However, the traditional skills existence of value far outweighs the extinction of benefits. On the whole, I believe the times can demonstrate significance of traditional skills[结尾太仓促，本段第一句还没有展开论述呢就慌忙结尾了]

建议LZ把基本英语语法结构和词汇的名词形容词形式复习一下，否则即使写出来的作文逻辑严谨，结构完整，在语言上也是漏洞百出，分数会比较低。

ray-dayUID: 2366509

菠萝兄在我眼皮底下活生生的,以豹的速度解决掉了2篇作文的修改....:eek:

forbeckUID: 2297645

占楼，等下也来

futuremanUID: 2327059

原帖由 ray-day 于 2007-9-28 13:09 发表
菠萝兄在我眼皮底下活生生的,以豹的速度解决掉了2篇作文的修改....:eek:

改GRE作文需要半个小时倒是真的，练出来的;P

forbeckUID: 2297645

In present-day society, many countries develop the modern technology. At the same times/time, the traditional skills will这是一个状态，不用将来时 face to danger of extinction. Hence, the traditional skills of tendency become one of controversial topic. Some people believe that traditional skills is/are less importanceimportant than modern technology, it is inevitable that the modern technology will replace traditional skills. Others people省略 hold divergent views, they think that the traditional skills still have value, so we should try protection and keep them alive. Personally, I agree with the latter view. 首段过于臃肿了

Granted, there is no denying that the traditional skills are already behind the times. First and foremost the traditional skills of efficiency is too lowness. For example, the assembly lines are large faster than the hand work. Moreover, the machine can save us much time and labors. In other words, the boss can save much money and resource by modern technology.中心句和文段内容不符阿

Nevertheless, the traditional skills of benefits are instead deficiency of modern technology. In the first place, the traditional skills of goods are finer than good of making by machine in some place这句里有好几处基本语法错误，希望能改一下. For instance, the china handcraft is fine, but the machine is hard to copy it/改成以it开头，更能表达强调的意思, even if machine can copy, the most of goods is crudeness. In the second place, the world of resource will is depleted quickly by modern of manufacture, in comparison with, the skills are more save resource than modern technology. Last but not least, generally speaking, the traditional skills follow profound and ancient culture, we protected时态不对 ancient culture, why not protect the traditional skills.

In the final analysis这句这么写，难道还要继续分析？, I concede that the modern technology carry some benefits. However, the traditional skills existence of value far outweighs the extinction of benefits. On the whole, I believe the times can demonstrate significance of traditional skills
建议：
1、楼主最好在认真复习以下基本的语法，尤其是时态、词形~~
2、在body部分，要时刻提醒自己，自己的观点是什么，要不，连自己的观点都支持不了，那么逻辑和结构就另当别论了

myw201201UID: 2364177

谢谢各位,,辛苦了,,
自己感觉不出来..没想到这么多毛病,我会一点点再抠几遍的..谢谢各位~~:)