前辈们来狠拍吧

lovebearmuseUID: 2346951

大作文：some people say that governments should pay for the health care and education but other people say that it is not the governments' responsibility. Discuss and give your views

正文:
     There are widely differing views on the issue of whether government should account for the medical care and education, many individuals contend that it is not the government’s obligation. Nevertheless, I personally believe that it is advisable for government to afford the costs of health care and education.
      First of all, those critics hold the view that the idea that government has to provide health care and education for people is just plain crazy, and they argue that it is unfair to expand government health care expenses to continue bailing out irresponsibility, given that the abuse of alcohol, recreational drugs, cigarettes smoking, eating junk foods are just irresponsible lifestyles that have bad consequences in their bodies. Furthermore, they claim that mankind is going to pay for their own irresponsibility sooner or later.
      Secondly, some advocates think that it would be well-advised if government offer health and education services free of charge to eradicate illiteracy, poverty and diseases. They added that to enhance the welfare of citizens is the government’s priority responsibility, and it is a laudable endeavor to help children in the poverty-stricken area to have access to formal education.
      In my opinion, as a advocate of socialized medicine and education, one point have drawn my attention is that this problem should be analysed in two aspects. It is advisable for wealthy to afford their health and education costs, but free medical care and education must be made available for those who are too poor to do so.
      By way of conclusion, it is highly unlikely to be resolved in the short term, but I am convinced that it will have a glorious prospects in the foreseeable future.

forbeckUID: 2297645

已链接~~~~~:)

forbeckUID: 2297645

There are widely differing/different views on the issue of whether government should account for the medical/health包括生理、心理、社会三方面，这样写就局限了，可以考虑用wellness care and education, many individuals contend that it is not the government’s obligation. Nevertheless, I personally believe that it is advisable for government to afford the costs of health care and education.

First of all, those critics hold the view that the idea that government has to provide health care and education for people is just plain crazy, and they argue that it is unfair to expand government/for government to expand health care expenses to continue bailing out irresponsibility, given that the abuse of alcohol, recreational drugs, cigarettes smoking, eating junk foods are just irresponsible lifestyles that/which have bad consequences in their/指代不明 bodies. Furthermore, they claim that mankind is going to pay for their own irresponsibility sooner or later.

Secondly, some advocates think that it would be well-advised if government offer health and education services free of charge to eradicate illiteracy, poverty and diseases. They added that to enhance the welfare of citizens is the government’s priority responsibility, and it is a laudable endeavor to help children in the poverty-stricken area to have access to formal education.

In my opinion, as a advocate of socialized medicine and education, one point have drawn my attention is that this problem should be analysed in two aspects. It is advisable for wealthy to afford their health and education costs, but free medical care and education must be made available for those who are too poor to do so.

By way of conclusion, it is highly unlikely to be resolved in the short term, but I am convinced that it will have a glorious prospects in the foreseeable future.

建议:
1、body部分，可以不用别人的观点来带出理由，完全可以直接提出论据来论证；尤其是第二段，那样协对自己观点的支撑很不利——个人这样理解，可能有误
2、有些长句的使用还是要注意，写完最好回头再读一遍，有些句子挺别扭的　

futuremanUID: 2327059

大作文：some people say that governments should pay for the health care and education but other people say that it is not the governments' responsibility. Discuss and give your views

正文:
     There are widely differing views on the issue of whether government should account for the medical care and education, many individuals contend that it is not the government’s obligation. Nevertheless, I personally believe that it is advisable for government to afford the costs of health care and education.
      First of all, those critics hold the view that the idea that government has to provide health care and education for people is just plain crazy, and they argue that it is unfair to expand government health care expenses to continue bailing out irresponsibility, given that the abuse of alcohol, recreational drugs, cigarettes smoking, eating junk foods are just irresponsible lifestyles that have bad consequences in their bodies. [你的TS竟然写了一段, TS要简单有力明确]Furthermore, they claim that mankind is going to pay for their own irresponsibility sooner or later.
      Secondly, some advocates think that it would be well-advised if government offer health and education services free of charge to eradicate illiteracy, poverty and diseases. They added that to enhance the welfare of citizens is the government’s priority responsibility, and it is a laudable endeavor to help children in the poverty-stricken area to have access to formal education.
      In my opinion, as a advocate of socialized medicine and education, one point have drawn my attention is that this [this指什么，要说清楚]problem should be analysed in two aspects. It is advisable for wealthy to afford their health and education costs, but free medical care and education must be made available for those who are too poor to do so.[第一段说完全同意政府government afford,但这段又说分两方面，说明你的谋篇思路发生了根本改变]
      By way of conclusion, it is highly unlikely to be resolved in the short term, but I am convinced that it will have a glorious prospects in the foreseeable future. [最后一段说的和本文主旨没有什么关系，像放到任何地方都好用的模版]