第一次写雅思作文Task2，请高手修改指点。谢谢！

DonielleUID: 2365886

Television is a very powerful medium of influence over large populations. There are many positive aspects to television. For example, it is an educational tool. However, many people feel that it is doing irreparable harm.
  Present an argument to highlight your opinion on this matter.


  Television is quickly playing an important part in people’s daily life all around the globe. As people are tending to spend increasing amount of time in watching TV and therein collecting information, there would seem that this medium is exerting strong impact on its audience. Some worry that it is doing both physical and mental harm to humankind. However, the significant role television plays in our present-day world cannot be denied.
  Television is a powerful medium which brings to us the latest and fastest news happening in every corner of the world. We, therefore, begin to get in touch with the outside and correct the old false impression on the outside in our own minds. We can gradually understand the culture of another country on the opposite side of the world through TV programmes, such as documentaries and interviews. Some argue that TV programmes inject formed ideas, whether objective or not, into the audience’s minds, which influences man’s independent thinking. But as a matter of fact, TV progammes just offer a great variety of materials for the audience to choose. It is our decision to make whether we believe or doubt what we see.
  Unfortunately, we’ve found an increasing number of couch potatoes whose unhealthy condition, in some people’s opinion, attribute to television. Yet that is another impertinent observation. TV is not responsible for those who indulge themselves in it as we cannot blame alcohol itself for the existence of alcoholiac. The couch potatoes are not able to force themselves to move away from TV. It is rather a mental disease which has negative side effect on physical aspect.
  In conclusion, television certainly has already changed our lives by expanding our vision. In spite of the harm it may bring about, it will continue to contribute to people’s life.

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

调下字号

太小，看着累

DonielleUID: 2365886

Television is a very powerful medium of influence over large populations. There are many positive aspects to television. For example, it is an educational tool. However, many people feel that it is doing irreparable harm.
  Present an argument to highlight your opinion on this matter.

  Television is quickly playing an important part in people’s daily life all around the globe. As people are tending to spend increasing amount of time in watching TV and therein collecting information, there would seem that this medium is exerting strong impact on its audience. Some worry that it is doing both physical and mental harm to humankind. However, the significant role television plays in our present-day world cannot be denied.
  Television is a powerful medium which brings to us the latest and fastest news happening in every corner of the world. We, therefore, begin to get in touch with the outside and correct the old false impression on the outside in our own minds. We can gradually understand the culture of another country on the opposite side of the world through TV programmes, such as documentaries and interviews. Some argue that TV programmes inject formed ideas, whether objective or not, into the audience’s minds, which influences man’s independent thinking. But as a matter of fact, TV progammes just offer a great variety of materials for the audience to choose. It is our decision to make whether we believe or doubt what we see.
  Unfortunately, we’ve found an increasing number of couch potatoes whose unhealthy condition, in some people’s opinion, attribute to television. Yet that is another impertinent observation. TV is not responsible for those who indulge themselves in it as we cannot blame alcohol itself for the existence of alcoholiac. The couch potatoes are not able to force themselves to move away from TV. It is rather a mental disease which has negative side effect on physical aspect.
  In conclusion, television certainly has already changed our lives by expanding our vision. In spite of the harm it may bring about, it will continue to contribute to people’s life.

cw025UID: 2181480

我 想问一下这是雅思的作文题目么?

forbeckUID: 2297645

Television is a very powerful medium of influence over large populations. There are many positive aspects to television. For example, it is an educational tool. However, many people feel that it is doing irreparable harm.
  Present an argument to highlight your opinion on this matter.
这是题目~~~

奔奔帮忙改;d:

67169619UID: 2320695

我没有见过奔奔改作文 ;d:

cw025UID: 2181480

总论点:电视的重要意义不可忽视

第1段:电视可以最快地给我们带来最新的发生在世界上各个角落里的新闻
证明:电视可以让我们接触和纠正我们自己的错误思想
后面继续论证"证明"
此段证明完全错误----跑题一

Some argue that TV programmes inject formed ideas, whether objective or not, into the audience’s minds, which influences man’s independent thinking. But as a matter of fact, TV progammes just offer a great variety of materials for the audience to choose. It is our decision to make whether we believe or doubt what we see.
这个承让最好放在倒数第2段单独成段
而且跟第2段没有关系
另外,你的承让似乎没有证明你的总论点---电视的重要意义
------跑题二

第3段我给你个不太好的举例:
电视的意义太重要了他可以让人们变成couch potatoes
变成couch potatoes 了就都不上班,这样整个社会一塌糊涂
是非发达国家向发达国家进攻的武器
你的第3段看的让人糊涂,到底你的文章是说好还是不好------------乱了
---------跑题三

再加上细节的问题,文章分数不会超过5分

DonielleUID: 2365886

谢谢大家！
谢谢奔奔不厌其烦给我一一指出。
太汗了～～ 回家看书去