请教豆豆几个问题(关于独立写作开头)

popsywinterUID: 2120302

看了豆豆给我改的文章大受启发,不过也留下个后遗症,就是现在写啥自己都不太确定,想让你帮着看看才心安~~:loveliness:
考试前估计还有挺多问题要麻烦你哦~~先大谢特谢了~
现在是最后2周了,想把题库归下类写提纲和开头,刚写完教育类和社区类~
两个问题,一个是开头太过简单会不会有问题,有些我就干脆一句话带过,
象TOPIC66,"家长还是同学对小孩影响大", 我开头是
I would agree with the saying that classmates have greater influence than parents in the school life of children.
还有T17,自学还是从师? 我开头是
While some people believe that they can learn by themselves, I maintain that learning with a teacher is always the better way.
T68,家庭作业是否必要,我写的开头比较个人化,
Since I was a child in elementary school, homework was the first task that I finish after school. Even that sometimes I was tired or eager to play outside, I would choose to work on my homework, because I think it is necessary and beneficial for my study.
这几个我都不太确定,想听听你的意见~~

还有个问题是社区类盖餐厅/超市/工厂的,我想用一个模板式开头,统统否决掉,我准备的开头是:
Like a coin has two sides, building a new restanrant in my community can bring us both benefits and problems. There are many aspects needed to be taken into account before making decision. Personally, I am not in favor of this idea.
除了盖学校类的， 我全写同意:
School facilities are among the most important requisites for citizens in any community. Therefore, I am more than happy to hear about the announcement of building a new high school in our neighbourhood.

Firstly, building a new school allowed more children to receive advanced education after they finish the junior course. The curriculums teaching in high school are of great value and no one should miss them. However, due to the limited resource, nowadays many high schools have to raise the requirement of admission and eliminate some candidates. Those children who fail to enter a high school, in most case, will miss opportunities to attend college. Without college education and a diploma in hand, those ones may confront many difficulties in their future job-hunting. Thus, a new high school in our community is totally necessary and benefical for the young generation.
麻烦你帮我看看有啥毛病~:)

豆豆～UID: 2378384

其实我觉得学英语最重要的是相信自己:-) lz你的底子还是不错的，要confident一些:-)

对于开头，我觉得一句话带过理论上是可以的，但是我觉得如果想写一个好的开头，一句话是远远不够的。

这是我现写的一个开头，仅供参考，需要的时候要随机应变。

题目：
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources such as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

我的opening：
Millions of years ago, the Earth was mostly covered by forests. However, with the problem of deforestation becoming progressively disastrous, it is likely that the offspring of humans would have no chance to see trees on the Earth. Thus, it is of top priority for us to save the trees, considering that forests help clean the air, and offer basic food resources for all kinds of animals.

第一句：建议写一个比较广义的话题，但是不能太广，不然就会用很多的篇幅来把话题慢慢缩小。而且也要和主题有比较明显的联系。
            
            "Millions of years ago, ... "这句话就是很宽的，但是它反映出了接下来可能会谈到关于"forests"或者"tree"的事情。

第二句：这是由general到specific并你引出你观点的句子。注意，是引出！不是陈述！你可以写成“While some people believe that they can learn by themselves, I maintain that learning with a teacher is always the better way.” 但是我建议你在说别人为什么不同意的时候，陈述一些可能的不同意的理由。这样会显得句子更加饱满，充分。

            “However, ... ”这句中，一个"however"突出了millions of years ago与今天的对比，写出了deforestations的结果，更加明确了作者支持的一方。

第三句：现在是你真正的出观点的时候了。“I would agree with the saying that classmates have greater influence than parents in the school life of children.”其实就可以。如果可以的话尽量顺带把你的原因用key words概括出来。

            ”Thus, it is of top priority for us to save the trees, considering that forests help clean the air, and offer basic food resources for all kinds of animals.“这句话就点明了作者的态度和观点，并给出了几个原因。


开头有这么三句话，应该就是比较不错的了。这样既不会使你的开头显得太繁冗，也可以使内容很饱满，让人读起来感觉很流畅。但是，merely三句话也可以写的有差别。如果只是把该说的说了，那么还是会显得干瘪，甚至不如写一句来得痛快。下面是我原来写的一个开头，相对来说比较长，有5句话，但这5句话是从3句话变过来的。所以如果lz想让开头更充实，可以适当把第2句分开来写。

题目：It is sometimes said that borrowing money from a friend can harm or damage the friendship. Do you agree? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

我的开头：Friends and money, it is always hard to choose one over the other. There is no need to say that one cannot live without friends. However, one cannot live without money either. Yet, in some situations, one might be forced to choose between friends and money, and borrowing money is one of them. As a result, I would definitely choose not to borrow money from my friends, for it may harm our friendship. This can be proven through the difficulties in maintaining friendships and the inherent value that friendships hold.


希望能对lz有帮助！

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TOEFL!

halkingUID: 2291422

so mysterious girl, of course maybe a boy?

豆豆～UID: 2378384

I AM A BOY!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!

popsywinterUID: 2120302

我觉得一个好的开头能给批卷人提神很多~~一开始给个好印象应该是挺讨巧~不过我就怕到时候突然卡壳,那样在开头上花太多时间,影响后面就不好了~~原则上想写个好点的开头,但如果考试看题的时候一下思想短路就只能简单点带过去了~
多谢豆豆的提点~马上就要考试了,心里挺慌的~分数直接关系到奖学金~所以必须全力以赴了~一起加油哦~~
BTW:没有听到豆豆的口语录音前,也一直以为你是个女生呢~~可能因为豆豆改东西很细致吧~:loveliness: