spring0806-第二次作业-issue38

atshineUID: 2411331

我完全是个新手，请大家多多指教。
issue38.
words:472

No one will deny that “we are in the age of television.” Since it invented, the world has impacted strongly, and change greatly.  Being impacted as the world –our traditional lifestyle-reading book as well, because television pours so much information into our life, to some extent, for some people, they assume that television has take place of the role book once was. I have some dissidence on this view, though I acknowledge the significance of television.
   The person who always spend most of his or her spare time on watching television, who we called “coach potato”, is troubled in making choices, and bores with finding the programs from A to Z—there are too many channels on just one TV! The programs on television come down to all the fields on the knowledge human had known, as arts, science , sports, no matter you are a housewife who hang on soap opera or a radical zoophile, just one telecontroller with one hand, you can get all you interested in. Meanwhile, reading book can also reach the similar goal, but, if you want to get such a great amount of knowledge, it is hard to image how thick the book is.
   Authenticity and intuitionist are the most distinct advantages that book can never superb. Television provides most directly, real images and sounds, shunning the illusion caused by the different understanding capacity for words and images. Especially in reporting current affairs, the information conveyed by television is more detailed, factual than it conveyed by book. No matter how precise the expression is in book, departure from the reality is inevitable. Or you are fantastic fan of U2, it’s barely for you to feeling extremely hot-blooded astrosphere in book anyhow, at the same time, television can.
However, book is irreplaceable in any time. Reading book has melted in our life for such a long time, as a habit, and it is still indispensably though stoke by television. For many people, when they have breakfast, they put bread into mouth with one hand. While with the other hand, they are engaging in turning over the page with eyes staring at book. Or at one insomnia night, you will grasp the book at handy casually, accompanied with peacefulness which brought by reading book, then you fall asleep. They are the real scene that the role which book act in daily life.
Furthermore, book as a significant media of literature, represent more veracious meaning than television. No other than the authenticity and intuitionist of the television, it ruined vague aesthetic feeling of literature. Book offer reader a free sphere to image and think, and guide reader realize literature’s charm.
All in all, although in the age of television, reading books is as important as it once was, Reading books remains the most common lifestyle for study or amusement.

life2008UID: 2401740

无法在你的原帖上发,可能你是的发帖格式不对,先看的ARGUMENT,就先发这个了
arg145
In this argument, the arguer makes a proposal that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to prove his claims, a new study collected data has been quoted that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are去掉 people who do not snore. In addition, the arguer also shows a common sense to support the conclusion, which says that sleep apnea, a condition caused by snore, can wakes the sleeping person often and leave him too tired to exercise during the day.［怎么感觉好像还少了一句总结啊］
Firstly, the arguer provides no assurances that recently collected data suggesting a correlation between snoring and weight gain are statistically reliable. Common sense tells us that the arguer fails to pose an unequivocal causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.
Secondly, assuming the correctness of the evidences the arguer provide, the arguer ascribes the reason for the assumption that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore to the dietetic habits and lacking of exercise. The arguer indicates that people will lose weight by eating less and doing more exercise. Even if weight-gaining to the average people authentically caused by these unhealthy habits, the arguer has not adequately shown that the methods he recommends will hit the goal. For the person who snores, in view of the influence of snore, their weight-gaining caused not only by the reasons  the arguer has mentioned but also other further factors the arguer hasn’t considered.举个例子会更有说服力 Consequently, unless the arguer can demonstrate that the exact relation between weight-gaining and snore, the arguer’s recommend about this is unfounded.
Moreover, even if all the assumptions and evidences have adequate theoretic proofs, the recommendation can’t be extended from a small group of person studied to all person who snores, ignoring the differences between every person.
In sum, the recommendation is not persuasive as it stands. In order to make it reasonable, the author should provide more direct evidences on the veracity of the study and the relation of snore and weight-gaining. More details provided, more convincing it is.

本文 的主要逻辑错误基本找出,思路也很清楚,看LZ的大作,我也学到了一些很好的表达,谢谢!

hongdanUID: 2228730

No one will deny that “we are in the age of television.” Since it (was) invented, the world has (been) impacted strongly, and change（changed） greatly.  Being impacted as the world –our traditional lifestyle-reading book as well, because television pours so much information into our life, to some extent, for some people, they assume that television has take (taken) place of the role book once was.（这句话有点乱，没有把意思表达清楚） I have some dissidence(这个词好) on this view, though I acknowledge the significance of television.作者最后一句话提出观点，应该再明确一点，这不是Argument, 首段观点应该明确一些。只说have some dissidence似乎不够。

The person who always spend(spends) most of his or her spare time on watching television, who we called “coach potato”, is troubled in making choices, and bores with finding the programs from A to Z—there are too many channels on just one TV! （这个破折号有点突然！）The programs on television come down to all the fields on the knowledge human had（has） known, （such）as arts, science , sports, no matter you are a housewife who hang on soap opera or a radical zoophile, just one telecontroller with one hand, you can get all you interested in（举例和用词都很好）. Meanwhile, reading book can also reach the similar goal, but, if you want to get such a great amount of knowledge, it is hard to image how thick the book is.

Authenticity and intuitionist are the most distinct advantages that book can never superb. Television provides most directly, real images and sounds, shunning the illusion caused by the different understanding capacity for words and images. (很好的语句！)Especially in reporting current affairs, the information conveyed by television is more detailed, factual than it（those） conveyed by book. No matter how precise the expression is in book, departure from the reality is inevitable. Or you are fantastic fan of U2, it’s barely for you to feeling extremely hot-blooded astrosphere in book anyhow, at the same time, television can.

However, book is irreplaceable in any time. Reading book has melted in our life for such a long time, as a habit, and it is still indispensably（indispensable） though stoke by television. For many people, when they have breakfast, they put bread into mouth with one hand. While with the other hand, they are engaging in turning over the page with eyes staring at book. Or at one insomnia night, you will grasp the book at handy casually, accompanied with peacefulness which brought by reading book, then you fall asleep. They are the real scene（scenes）that the role which book act in daily life.

Furthermore, book(books) as a significant media of literature, represent more veracious(词用得好！) meaning than television. No other than the authenticity and intuitionist of the television, it ruined（ruins） vague aesthetic feeling of literature. Book offer reader a free sphere to image and think, and guide reader realize literature’s charm.

All in all, although in the age of television, reading books is as important as it once was, Reading books remains the most common lifestyle for study or amusement.

整篇文章的文采较好，用词比较多样准确，就是出现了比较多的语法错误。我感觉有些词的单复数用得有些不对。比如book，reader，到底是应该全文都用单数还是用复数，我觉得还有待考虑一下。
从本文的结构上来说，条理比较清晰，论据比较充分，其中的很多论据很值得学习。只是结尾段过于仓促，没有起到很好的总结作用，也可能是因为时间的原因吧。
从本文内容上来说，读下来感觉作者是折中观点，电视和书本的好处各写了两段，都有着各自独有的好处，但是最后结尾总结书本仍然是现今学习和娱乐的主要方式。似乎有些不妥。
看了楼主的文章，觉得楼主的词汇和论据都积累的不错，从这篇文章中学到了很多有用的东西，哈哈！另外，我的能力有限，修改难免有些不妥，忘楼主谅解！

atshineUID: 2411331

非常感激二位。

atshineUID: 2411331

谢谢二位的指点~！我会继续努力~！

demerzelUID: 2415264

No one will deny that “we are in the age of television.” Since it invented, the world has impacted strongly, and change greatly.  Being impacted as the world –our traditional lifestyle-reading book as well, because television pours so much information into our life, to some extent, for some people, they assume that television has take place of the role book once was. I have some dissidence on this view, though I acknowledge the significance of television.
   The person who always spend most of his or her spare time on watching television, who we called “coach potato”, is troubled in making choices, and bores with finding the programs from A to Z—there are too many channels on just one TV! The programs on television come down to all the fields on the knowledge human had known, as arts, science , sports, no matter you are a housewife who hang on soap opera or a radical zoophiles, just one telecontroller (TV remoter更好) with one hand, you can get all you interested in. Meanwhile, reading book can also reach the similar goal, but, if you want to get such a great amount of knowledge, it is hard to image how thick the book is.(这里说理不是很充分，接受吸收的信息和总的信息量没有直接关系，有个有效利用问题)
   Authenticity and intuitionist （intuition） are the most distinct advantages that book can never superb. Television provides most directly, real images and sounds, shunning the illusion caused by the different understanding capacity for words and images. Especially in reporting current affairs, the information conveyed by television is more detailed, factual than it conveyed by book. No matter how precise the expression is in book, departure from the reality is inevitable. Or you are fantastic fan of U2, it’s barely for you to feeling extremely hot-blooded astrosphere in book anyhow, at the same time, television can.
However, book is irreplaceable in any time. Reading book has melted in our life for such a long time, as a habit, and it is still indispensably though stoke by television. For many people, when they have breakfast, they put bread into mouth with one hand. While with the other hand, they are engaging in turning over the page with eyes staring at book. Or at one insomnia night, you will grasp the book at handy casually, accompanied with peacefulness which brought by reading book, then you fall asleep. They are the real scene that the role which book act in daily life.
Furthermore, book as a significant media of literature, represent more veracious meaning than television. No other than the authenticity and intuitionist of the television, it ruined vague aesthetic feeling of literature. Book offer reader a free sphere to image and think, and guide reader realize literature’s charm.
如果你对本issue持大负小正的观点，（即虽然电视有好处但是书是不可替代的），那么你至少要用三个中间段中的2个来说书的好和电视的不好。
All in all, although in the age of television, reading books is as important as it once was, Reading books remains the most common lifestyle for study or amusement.

最后一段有点短，不过要是在限时的情况下写了那么多而只是结尾稍显匆忙那就没问题了。


我也是的新手，不过跟你比起来就是菜鸟中的菜鸟了哈，语言总是上不去，很让人苦恼啊，有什么诀窍马？

atshineUID: 2411331

去看看TIME杂志，据说对写长句，词汇积累，还有阅读都有帮助。

大理理工大学出版社有一套《TIME》精选阅读与词汇进阶

去网上买便宜些